Thankful

I was reminded last night of the fragility of life. It's pretty typical that is where my mind goes to when I spend time with my grandparents.  They 've been married for 62 years, and my grandmother likes to brag to everyone who will listen that they've never had an argument.  She also has dementia so she'll repeat that tidbit fairly often.  I tease her that they've never had an argument because my grandfather is so sweet, he always lets her get her way.

Tonight I snuggled up with my Yiayia (grandma in greek) savoring every minute of joy.  She was talkative and engaged in the conversation. So it was a good night.  I expected she would ask the big question, and she did.  Any men?  Have you found any boys?  Don't your girlfriends know anyone?  Then she said in a moment of sheer clarity, if Kay were alive, she would have found you a husband.  Kay was my grandmother's twin sister and fellow force to be reckoned with.  I laughed so hard.  Despite my flawed attempts, my YiaYia has a goal of waiting until I get married and have some babies before she departs for her next destination.

Yiayia realizes how lucky shes and my grandfather were to find each other- the perfect fit.  Tonight she looked at my grandfather with so much love in her eyes and said, "you've given me such a wonderful life, thank you."  It was so sweet and tender. And so very sincere.

I would have imagined that there isn't much left to say to someone whom you've been married to and spent time with for over 62 years, but it's possible.  It's simple- choose wisely.  Piece of cake.  Oh, and be thankful for the precious unexpected moments, the lovely people and utter joy that's waiting around the corner.

Love is blind

When I was little I used to watch old black and white movies with my mom.  I'm not quite sure what the lure was for me, but I do know that I've always loved a good love story.  My favorite is a story, The Enchanted Cottage, is about a simple man and a woman who fall in love despite their shortcomings.  The world sees their exterior appearance as homely, but with the love that develops between them, the viewer sees a physical transformation.  The beauty of their love alters their appearance to one another, and they find each other beautiful.

I've often thought of the movie as an analogy to life, not just to whom I choose to love.  I've noticed that over time, the little things that make a person who they are can either annoy the crap out of you, you start to ignore it, or you learn to love it.  How you handle the little things is the difference between a good day or a bad one.  The choice is in our own hands.

Unanswered Prayers

When requests are made known to God and not immediately answered, the reason may be one of the following: either that the request was premature, or because it has been made unworthily or vaingloriously, or because if granted it may lead to conceit, or negligence and carelessness would result.  St. John of the Ladder


I can't tell you how many times I've prayed to God for help. Really what I've most often wanted was a quick fix to an annoying problem.  Or I wanted some magic.  "Please God, make that boy like me," or "Please God, make that deadline be pushed back since I haven't started it yet," or "Please God, send me an answer to this question which I'm not patient enough to wait for the answer."  I'm assuming a lot of you know the drill.  You've been there.  


The waiting is always the hardest part (see Tom Petty below, which also happens to be one of my most favorite songs).  You ask.  You pray.  And then, nothing.  Did he hear me?  Am I being punished?  Did I pray incorrectly?  What is going on?


I've learned that sometimes you have to be careful to pray for the right thing.  And that sometimes, we don't have the same perspective about what our needs/wants are when God is looking at the big pictures.  Have a little faith.  Be patient and see what He has in store for you.  Most often, His plan is far better than ours ever was.  

Envy of Other People's Awesomeness

"Finally I am coming to the conclusion that my highest ambition is to be what I already am. That I will never fulfill my obligation to surpass myself unless I first accept myself, and if I accept myself fully in the right way, I will already have surpassed myself."— Thomas Merton


I've come to realize that trying to be someone whom I'm not, is a big waste of effort. Plus, being who I already am is pretty darn good.  My challenge has always been other people.  I observe them and I think, " why can't I be more like them?  They are so much prettier/smarter/funnier/more awesome than me!  Hurumph!"  


The other key, I've realized, is that you never (never) know what is going on in someone else's shoes.  While you think that they have it all together, they very well may be frustrated with their position.  They may not think they themselves are pretty enough, or smart enough, or good enough, etc.  


I can't tell you how much time I've wasted thinking about other people.  The good news is, the more I think about the things that matter, the less crappy I feel.  Direct correlation.  Now, if only I could train myself to ignore those feelings of inadequacy more often.  I'll keep working on it.  

What Oprah taught me

I think it's a big deal that today was Oprah's last show. Whether you love her or hate her, I think it's fair to say she's been a dynamic figure in the media for the past 25 years.   As I watched the show, I enjoyed the gratitude she had for her path so far. Further, everyone has their own platform with their own audience in their lives -that is where our power lies. If we show people who we are and embrace the life that is calling us, we will be able to use our power to serve the world.

She noted she was in the world biggest classroom, and her goal was to look for the common connection amongst us.  She learned a lot from all of her guests and fans and those lessons are the anchors of her life.

If we are being honest, what she accomplished changed the world's perception of women, women of color, and of what good intentions are.  Oprah was never perfect, but I believe she always had good intentions.  Plus, she showed us that having a stellar best friend can be a crucial replacement in place of the perfect family.  And she taught us A-Ha moments.  And favorite things.  And gratitude journals.  And the challenge of not being the best version of yourself at all times.

I found it interesting she noted every day she went to work she felt she was exactly where she was supposed to be.  Oprah believes, as I do, there are no coincidences.    She has found her life to be the manifestation of grace by God. Instead of coincidences there is only divine order.  Amen. Who knew Mama O was so devout?  I think she was keeping a lid on it so she didn't scare off the pagans.

Am I worthy?

During Oprah's last show, she thanked everyone for sharing their "yellow brick road of blessings" with her.  The shared path of Oprah and her audience helped all parties involved get to a place of growth and comfort.  It helped everyone heal.

A powerful take away I had from Oprah was the value of knowing your worth.  She noted that you can know you deserve to be happy.  But unless you know you are worthy of that happiness, you will sabotage yourself again and again.  She's right.  I know I deserve to be happy. And although I am doing pretty well I could be happier.  The reason must be that I don't know my true worth.  I'm going to work on figuring that out.

The other side of this argument is that we need to work to let the people in our life know they are worthy.  It's important to validate the people we care about to let them know a) I see you b) I hear you and c) what you say matters to me.  Obviously!  Why aren't I doing this more?   Get read for more worthiness from the KG.

Fear of Dying

Lots of people are afraid of death.  I get it.  It's the unknown which is full of uncertainty.  What happens?  Do you  just....evaporate into nothing?  Is it all over?  What's the point?

I'm not afraid of death.  I don't question it and I am comfortable with what I believe will happen to me.  But I know a lot of people I care about are not in the same boat as I am.  They worry.

A fellow blogger chronicled his bout with colon cancer for over four years. He recently just passed away at 41.  His best friend posted his last entry posthumously for the blogger, Derek K. Miller, which leaves his parting words to the world and his family.  As painful as it was to die young, he optimistically noted,


"The world, indeed the whole universe, is a beautiful, astonishing, wondrous place. There is always more to find out. I don't look back and regret anything, and I hope my family can find a way to do the same."

If you are challenged by the desire to have a finite answer, Carl Jung suggests that we shouldn't be confined by what time and space provide.  Move forward to the next day as though you have time to live for centuries.  Don't look back, else you will get "stiff and die before your time."  In short, look forward to the next adventure. Then you'll truly live.

Fighting Words

Whether there's a war in your house, neighborhood or abroad, there always seems to be strife in the world.  There are people that seem to be good at fighting, and those that shrink away from it.  I try to steer clear because if I engage, I will most likely be the absolute worst version of myself.  Afterward, I'll regret every mean thing I say and do.  My college friends nicknamed the angry KG, "raGe Kage."  Not terribly flattering.

The raGe Kage only comes out about once a year.  But it is one time too many.

Considering how I struggle to keep myself in check, I find it impressive that two entities which in theory should be bitter enemies make peace work so well.  I read this blog post about a Jewish Kibbutz and an Arab Village peacefully coexisting for 50 years in Israel. I was amazed.  If they can do it, can't I try to maintain the peace where necessary in my life ?

Good Deeds

"As our self-interest diminishes, our anxieties disappear, and then comes quiet and firm joy, which always diffuses us with a good spiritual disposition and a clear conscience. Every good deed helps to kindle this feeling of joy within us." — Tolstoy


Good deeds are important, and while its important to do them to strangers, I think it's even more important to do it for those people close to us. I try to be a supportive friend, because it matters.   
Just to drive the point home, remember this dramatization of why it's imperative to be there when the people we love need us.  

Who's shy? This girl

"I'm NOT shy … But I feel like I give off more confidence than I really have." -Rachel McAdams 

Shy people fear.  I believe they fear other people's judgement.  I know because I grew up shy and uncomfortable in my own skin.  As I grew up, I masked the fear I had.  I did so sufficiently enough that I was routinely told people found me to be "intimidating," and still do.  How could I be shy as well as intimidating at the same time?  Maybe I'm a good thespian.  (note: sarcasm)


Or maybe, people only saw what they wanted to see.  I maintain my fears kept me at bay from people, so they thought I believed I was "too cool for school."  Anyone who knows me knows this is not the case.  KG will never be the cool kid who goes anywhere and assumes she's better than everyone else.  In fact, I'm proudly weird and nerdy in my own way.  


Overtime, I've changed. I try to push the shyness and the fears aside. I've grown.  I've matured.  If you've known me personally for a while, I hope you see that.  


It's fair to keep in mind that we should be somewhat cautious in life.  But then again, life is a journey. If you don't take a few risks and push out of your comfort zone, you'll never know what else is out there for you to experience.  

Strangers are really friends

How do you treat people you've just met?  I am innately shy and have to force myself out of my comfort zone when I meet new people.  I'm always affraid I may say something stupid and they won't like me.  Or I'm scared they will think I'm lame/a loser/boring/ foolish, etc etc.

But if you take a chance you never know what you may win.  I was at an event recently where I really only knew one person well.  Everyone else knew each other, so we were the odd men out.

Since we were going to be together for a long while I decided to try to reach out.  With the help of humor, an open spirit and alcohol, I can proudly tell you I have a few new acquantences.  Plus, I had a good time.

Support from unexpected places

Have you ever had a conversation with someone, with the expectation that you were going to say something to help them or make them feel better, but it turned out that you were the one who received the assistance at the end of the day?  That happened to me the other day and as shocked as I was, I am so thoroughly appreciative of the turn of events.

A professional conversation led to a personal one and we spoke about private experiences that we had never shared. It turned out that we had more in common than we expected.  Most of my adult life I have purposefully kept my personal and professional life as separate as possible.  I thought that it made managing work easier.  The problem is that I alienated myself for a long time from the people that I spend the most of my life with.  I've learned the more I open up to people I trust, I feel strong.

I left work the other day feeling like I had one more person in this world that was truly on my team.  I love it when the world sends me a present that I couldn't have anticipated.  Thank you!

Lonliness

"In Calcutta, we see terribly desperate situations of poverty, people literally dying on the streets. Yet this poverty, if we give them a little rice and food, can easily be overcome. In the developed West, however, the poverty is much greater and more difficult to care for. It is often not material poverty, but spiritual poverty. People are suffering and alone. They feel abandoned by their family and friends. They feel as if they have no one. This is the greatest poverty.” - Mother Theresa


It's impossible to know what someone else is feeling if they haven't shared it with you.  But I propose we try to treat every person (friend, foe, stranger) as though they were our best friend.  Treat them with kindness and give them the benefit of the doubt.  Give them a sincere smile and say thanks when you can.  Go the extra mile.  


I think if we all did this, all of us would feel less alone in our daily travels.  Plus, you never know how truly lonely a person may be on the inside.  And who knows, you may even brighten someone else's day, not just your own.  

Chip off the old block

An eerie thing happened to me the other night.  I heard my own words repeated back to me in just the right context to remind me of who I am.  My niece, the older 14 year old one, jumped in the middle of a heated conversation between her mom and I.  She calmly pointed out that the conversation wasn't going anywhere and we should take a step away from the conversation.  When she was done with her mini-lecture I shut up immediately.  What else was there to say?

My sister and mom immediately started laughing because apparently A and I had the same annoyed and indifferent expression on our faces.  Right hand side of the lip askew.  A similar dimple on the right hand side of our faces pressed into our cheeks as we pursed our lips.  My mom said she sounded exactly like I did when I was her age.

And then I laughed.  My little home girl put me in my place.  Deservedly so.  Worse, she used my own ammunition back at me.  I couldn't have been more proud :-)

Dreams and Fairytales

When I was a little girl, I loved Disney movies.  All the romance left me dazzled.  There was always an underdog winning at the end of the day.  I loved it.

And of course, I loved the princesses and a knight in shining armor.  It seemed perfect. While I realize that is unrealistic, I couldn't help but be intrigued by the Royal Wedding activity last month.  I didn't post about it right after the fact because I wanted to see if my perspective would change.  After I saw this graphic to the right, I knew why I (and probably a lot of other people) were so intrigued with William and Kate.  It's just like the fairy tales!

It's nice to still let myself dream a little bit even though I know that fairy tales don't exist.

Positivity improves Happiness

The science of happiness:

• 90% of your long term happiness is predicted by how your brain processes the world.  10% of your happiness determined by external world factors.  
• 25% of job success  is based on a worker's IQ.  75% is based on your optimism level, social support levels, and ability to handle stress as a challenge instead of a threat.
• Positivity improves our happiness.  We are 31% more productive than when you are stressed.

The business of happiness

It's probably no surprise that I'm a big reader.  One of my favorite things to research is about how to grow successful businesses.  Recently, I've read several books about what takes businesses, and the culture along with it, from good to great.  The business of happiness can only be delivered by the people in it.

In fact, studies show that a link between employee engagement and employee productivity. One of the best predictors of employee engagement is whether employees have a best friend at work, or the number of friends that they have at work, which all goes back to one of the most important elements of happiness, according to the research: feeling socially connected.

If you hate your job, do yourself a favor and make some friends immediately! 

passing judgement

I was recently called out for passing judgement on others for not being more like me.  While that wasn't an overt intention, I can see how it would be construed as such.  I've written previously about my feelings about Judgement and how horrible it is, and how it accomplishes nothing.  I personally feel I'm at my best when I shut my mouth and let people live their own lives how they see fit.  However, the KG isn't perfect, is prone to make mistakes and has to re-learn life lessons from time to time.

What I write here can potentially be seen as judgy or pointed.  It's an unfortunate by-product that I couldn't have anticipated when I started doing this.  But I promise I will be more cautious about my approach moving forward.

I wish I told my 16 year old self.....

I wasn't too happy in high school.  I dreaded it and couldn't imagine what the future could possibly hold for me.  I wish I had the foresight to consider that life would get better.  Or even that there were more options out there in the future.  Better yet, that people in high school were immature and would be irrelevant in a short period of time.  I wish I had noticed how my uniqueness was awesome and how much more awesome I would be one day.  I should have immediately  recognized that I would have the same 3 best friends almost 15 years later. I could have just leaned on them a little bit more.

Please watch this important video below which inspired my post today.  It's unrelated to a degree.  I had a friend who had skin cancer in her 20's so it matters.  Put on that sunblock and wear that hat, fools!

Get happier as you get older

As I get older, I get happier.  Thank God!  If I had known this (and believed it), I would have been happier in my twenties.  With time , your confidence grows, and you have the ability to embrace who you are.  Shortcomings and all.  I think you are also able to not sweat the small stuff.

Don't waste time dreading getting older.

Studies prove that it's correct.  We do get happier as we get older.  Especially beyond the age of 50. Worse, "Neurotic people—those who are prone to guilt, anger and anxiety—tend to be unhappy." But why wait?  Who has time to waste a few decades when we could enjoy ourselves more RIGHT now?  

Friends and accountability

I wasn't practicing what I preach the other day.  READ: KG was a hypocrite.  I have a friend who is willing and able to call me out on my BS, and you should too.  Those friends come in handy, I think. Here's the story and I recognize by sharing it I'm revealing how much of an idiot I can be.
I had plans to go golfing in the morning and then to a baseball game in the afternoon.  I'm a girl who loves her weekends.  I typically pack them full of fun stuff with fun people.  It  makes me happy.  You can imagine what came next.  This girl doesn't like it when things, like the weather, get in between her and her fun weekend plans.
When I realized that rain (and lots of it) was coming, I altered my schedule to accommodate.  Instead of playing 9, we went to a covered driving range and I had a great time.  I kept looking for the rain but it never came.  I hurried over to the baseball game, and as you can tell from the picture, no rain came.

I was annoyed and my friend asked me why.  I huffed and puffed a bit and said, "uch, I can't believe the stupid weather!  I changed my plans and didn't get to play golf.  I'm so annoyed!" I was acting like a baby,  I realize. I don't like it when I lose control of the outcome in a situation.  I'm usually pretty good about it, but in this case, I wasn't.  She said, "uh, don't you always try to look on the bright side of things?  At least that's what you say on your blog."  Ooops.  Be careful what you say/write/blog about.  People may be listening and recant it back to you.

The rain didn't come until the evening.  My day was still awesome, although I did feel like a fool for letting myself be grumpy for a bit during the second inning. Plus, the Nats won the game.  Actually a pretty nice little weekend.

Give a little more

When I walk by a beggar, the type of person that stands at an intersection asking for money, I always freeze.  What to do? Do I give? Am I a bad person for not giving?  Will they talk to me if I do give money?  What will I say?  Should I say nothing?  Do they really need the money?  Are they sick?  Mentally ill?  A veteran? Do they need help other than money?

I realize this is ridiculous, but it's true.  My mind races through reasons not to give money, even though I have it to give.  I'm embarrassed by my inability to produce an act of charity when the need arises, but I'm working on it.

As I admit this to you, I'm thinking about all the wonderful things others do in the world with a little bit of creativity.  Panera, a successful restaurant chain came up with a mechanism to provide food with no set prices.  It's a "pay what you want" restaurant whereby, "The majority of patrons pay retail value or more. Statistics provided by Panera indicate that roughly 60 percent leave the suggested amount; 20 percent leave more; and 20 percent less. One person paid $500 for a meal, the largest single payment."
If they can do that, what can I do in my own small way?  I'm not sure yet, but I'm going to work to find something.  

Can work make you happy?

Do you think work can make you happy?  It's possible.  I have read that you have to find your passion and make that your career in order to have true happiness in your profession.
As we know, life is about choices.  If you chose a profession where you can make the most money, or that is the most prestigious, the likelihood that you will be happy doing it, decreases.  Studies repeatedly show that volunteering, donating to charities, and socializing with friends and family are linked to personal happiness.  Studies also show that people who prioritize wealth are less likely to engage in those actions.

Even more important how you chose to allocate your time is directly related to your potential for happiness.  You have to try to

"expand your time. Unlike money, time is inherently scarce. No one gets more than 24 hours per day. In fact, there is a bidirectional relationship between time's scarcity and its value: not only does having little time make it feel more valuable, but when time is more valuable, it is perceived as more scarce. To increase happiness, it can make sense to focus on the here and now —because thinking about the present moment (vs. the future) has been found to slow down the perceived passage of time. Simply breathing more deeply can have similar 
effects.


In one study, subjects who were instructed to take long and slow breaths (vs. short and quick ones) for five minutes not only felt there was more time available to get things done, but also perceived their day as longer"
Plus, happiness at work is directly correlated to productivity. (see graph above)

Under Promise, Over Deliver

Some of my life lessons are learned by observing others.  Have you ever known someone who is an over-promiser?  I have, and it irks me. It is the type of person that is super optimistic.  They are always making assumptions about what they believe is possible.  And then, as inevitably most things happen, chaos or calamity strikes and that person is made to be a liar.  They can't deliver the tall bill of goods that they promised.  Over-promisers look like fools to the folks that believed they were right.

Consider this phrase which responsible business folks use:  Under promise, over deliver.  Manage your own expectations and those of the people in your life. Don't tell them you can give them more than what you know is possible.  This will abate any potential for

Do people change?

"They always say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself."
— Andy Warhol
Thank you Andy Warhol!  I totally agree.  I can't tell you how many times I've heard it said, "people don't change!"  It's usually in the context of someone who is in a relationship that isn't working.  I used to agree, but that was before I knew better.


Then I learned through my own experiences that change is possible since I noticed myself changing over the years. I didn't used to like something, and then I'd try it out, and wham! I'd like it.  Or I didn't get along with someone. Then I gave them a chance, and we became friends. I realized that most of the reason why I didn't like things or didn't want to give things a try was because of my fear.  I had fear that people wouldn't like me or they may judge me, so I just didn't try.  Or it was a fear of failure.  


When I started to change my tune to embrace change, my life and outlook started to adjust as well.  That's when I knew that change was possible.  If I can do it, that means it's possible for others as well.  
There is a caveat.  The above doesn't mean all people change.  They may be capable of it, but if they aren't willing to put forth the effort and hard work, it isn't going to happen.  

Sanity

When I need a little sanity, I stop what I'm doing, close my eyes, breath deeply, and dream of a peaceful place.  My place looks a bit like Bali, or Bora Bora, or maybe even the Maldives.

When I imagine it, I'm the only one there.  All I can hear is the water.

Even CNN had an article about my happy places today, and I immediately felt my blood pressure decrease immediately.

Ahhhhhhhh.

I want to go to there.  

Objects

I recently saw a documentary, "Objectified," which is about "how manufactured objects that surround us such as cars, phones and chairs influence our daily lives with this revealing documentary, which features top industrial designers discussing their creative processes and professional objectives."

The movie also focuses on sustainability which is something important to me in my personal and professional life.

I think it's fair to say that the objects in our life often inform our decisions more than they should.  This documentary is an examination of how influential various objects can be.  Watch it.  Very cool.

Lying

Lying is bad news.  It's hard to keep up with lies.  When you do it, you are virtually pretending to be something that you are not.

Worse, we all have tells when we lie.  This article talks about how the authorities sniff out liars and cheats.  So if you are going to lie, you should probably be cautious that law enforcement won't sniff you out.

Live authentically!

Appreciating things from our Youth

If you are a woman of a certain age (around 30 years old), you remember "Jem," the pivotal 80's cartoon that forever lives in pop-culture infamy.  When I watched the cartoon, I had dreams of being in an all-girl band, having a secret identity, cool make up and pink hair.  Who didn't?

Guess what, team?  It's coming back!  I'm thrilled to announce that episodes will start airing again.

But until then, appreciate this gem:

And how it all began:

Idiot stick

I was just chatting with my dad about stupid work tomfoolery.  Times have been stressful, but the good news is, I know eventually we'll come out on the other side of this nonsense in a better place.

While talking about a work associate from another company, he referred to him as an "idiot stick!"  I died.  I hadn't ever heard that expression before, but all frustrations about said "idiot stick" evaporated and I was left smiling and shaking my head.

He didn't intend for the desired outcome of our conversation to be my cheeriness, but I was happy it was.

When times are tough, crack a joke.  Watch the tension dissipate. Even if it's a little, it will be worth it.

Fear of Failure

I heard on the radio this morning that a new study came out indicating that left handed people (I'm a Southpaw!) are more apt to be affected by fear than right-handers.  I found it interesting when I began to consider the way each of us are programed based on body chemistry and genes.  I'm not interested in a nature vs. nurture discussion, but it is something interesting to ponder.  Perhaps my fear of failure is much more ingrained genetically than I could have anticipated.  If that's the case, I should prepare to tell myself that some of my fears are irrational and to get on with it!  No more procrastination! No more fear!

As Sven Goran Eriksson said:

"The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure."

You're not alone

I was telling a coworker that avoiding drama in my life feels like a full time occupation.  He's from the south and always has some hilarious expression that sounds ridiculous and funny and apt all at the same time.  In his deep southern drawl he said, "Ugh, don't feel like the lone ranger!"

Yes!  Nothing feels better than when you realize you are not alone, even if someone is coming from a totally different place and they aren't actually in the middle of all of your nonsense.

You don't have to be alone, as long as you open up and share with someone how you feel or what is going on.  Find a good friend that will listen.  Sometimes, just getting your thoughts out is enough.  If you are the person that is lending the ear, you don't have to offer up sage advice in response.  Just tell the person, "yep, that sucks, I'm so sorry."  And mean it!

Friends good for your health

I recognize this is stating the obvious, but additional studies have come out revealing the health benefits of friendships.  According to the study, being highly social cuts dementia risk by 70%.  This makes sense.  If you are busy chatting it up with your bestie about that stupid thing you did that one time in high school when almost all of your friends got suspended (ahem..E, you know what I'm talking about), you aren't going to have time for Dementia.  You'll be busy laughing about how idiotic you were sixty years ago.   



"Socializing relieves stress, and there's a huge connection between stress and problems with the brain as we get older."


We shouldn't need scientific evidence to validate our need to make time for our friendships.  But if you are one of those very busy people that is working too much, or preoccupied with any and everything else in your life, take a step back.  Think about it- is all that other stuff making you happy?  If you hesitate, pick up your phone and call/text/email a friend.  I guarantee the response will leave you smiling.


Those are my grandparents over there in the picture.  The photo above was taken in February on my grandmother's 92nd birthday.  She has dementia and it makes me incredibly sad to see the bright sparks of her personality fade away.  I know she would have applied the above advice if she could have, but all of her friends started dropping like flies (read: dying).  She's one of the last ones left. 
 
The only thing we can really do is take care of ourselves, enjoy every day like it's our last, and hang out with our friends as soon as possible.  *Dear best friends, holla at me for a hang out asap!

Appreciate loved ones

If you are lucky enough to have someone in your life who makes it better, tell them.  Don't wait until it's too late. Don't assume they know how or why you love them.  It may have been someone from your past:  a friend, colleague, teacher, mentor or family member.

Today is Mother's day, and while I fully contend that a Hallmark Holiday is a poor excuse to remind myself to tell my mom how much I love her, I'll take my cue and run with it.

I know mom will read this post first thing in the morning, as she does every day.  Just when I assumed I had her pegged, she surprised me yet again.  I assumed she wouldn't be interested in my blog, but she's probably my most faithful reader.  She genuinely enjoys reading what I have to say.  She'll probably leave an anonymous comment below, because that's how she does!  She supports me like that every day and it means the world to me.  And that's only one of the best things about her.

When I was a teenager, I didn't understand my mother and I was certain my mother didn't understand me.  I thought there was no hope for reconciliation.  Then I went off to college and called my mom every day for four years.  After I graduated college a day hasn't passed by that I don't call my mom as I drive into work and again as I drive home.  The good stuff simply isn't as good unless I've share it with her.  And the bad stuff simply isn't as bleak if I share it with her.

At 30, I can proudly claim my mother is my best friend.  My teenage self would have been shocked! But I am so glad I was wrong about my mother.  She instructed me from long ago, "I'm your mother first and then your friend".  She was right, and I couldn't be more appreciative.  I love you, Ma!

Share your knowledge

In the past I thought that I should mind my manners and not share something unless a request was made to do so.  For a long time I sat by idly- quietly.  And then, Eureka!  I realized I was making myself moderately miserable by keeping to myself.  I started sharing more about my thoughts, beliefs and more importantly, about the things I knew.  

Even something stupid like a factoid about how tall the Washington Monument is (555 feet and 5 1/8 inches) intrigued and excited my younger niece M. I'm lucky enough to have the opportunity to spend a good amount of time with my oldest niece, A.  She's 14 going on 24.  Not because she thinks she knows everything, but because she's mature enough to ask questions, listen patiently and is always eager to learn more.  

And today, as I spent time with A I spoke to her about the earth, conservation, sustainability and why it's important.  We talked about politics and international affairs.  I taught her how to cook some new recipes and exposed her to different techniques.  She helped me do manual labor in the yard and I showed her how to take care of pruning the trees, weeding and planting.  She was thrilled.  

As long as you aren't a know-it-all and give other folks the opportunity to offer up their two cents, share your knowledge.  The world needs you to open up and offer what your education or lessons have to offer.  

Compassion and Forgiveness

Do you forgive people who have screwed you over?  Can you turn the other cheek? I try to, but it's hard.

Even the Dali Lama speaks about forgiveness with regard to the murder of Osama Bin Laden.  His comments were perhaps misconstrued initially. He virtually said the same thing Christian doctrine notes, which is-hate the sin, love the sinner.

In his response, His Holiness emphasized the need to find a distinction between the action and the actor. He said in the case of Bin Laden, his action was of course destructive and the September 11 events killed thousands of people. So his action must be brought to justice, His Holiness said. But with the actor we must have compassion and a sense of concern, he added. His Holiness said therefore the counter measure, no matter what form it takes, has to be compassionate action. His Holiness referred to the basis of the practice of forgiveness saying that it, however, did not mean that one should forget what has been done.


It's also fair to disagree with the statement, "Forgive and Forget."  I think that statement is nonsense and for the most part, impossible.  Given that I did not know someone who was personally damaged by the affects of 9-11 or even terrorism, it could be far easier for me to attempt to be compassionate about the death of Osama Bin Laden.  But if I had lost a friend or a family member- I guarantee I couldn't do it.   How does this event make you feel?  

Weirdos: The best kind of friends

I had dinner with an old friend tonight and the topic steered toward our level of lameness which seems to steadily increase as we get older.  True.  However, we also seem to be embracing our weirdness.  We're not afraid to be ourselves anymore.  We don't have to pretend to be cooler than we actually are.

As she got out of the car, I told her the truth.  "I like you just as you are, however weird you are." She told me, "KG all you really need in life are some weirdos."  Agreed, my friend! Glad to have you.

An aside: one of my favorite lines from a movie, ever, is from "Bridget Jones Diary."  I like it because Bridget has the unique habit of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time.  She is able to (SPOILER) end up with Mr. Darcy who is every girls dream catch.  These characters embrace, and ultimately appreciate each others weirdness.  "I like you very much.  Just as you are"

Forgiveness

I think about forgiveness a lot.  I think it has the potential to lead to greater spiritual enlightenment and contentment.  My faith focuses on the importance of forgiveness and so I've made a concerted effort to investigate how I can possibly do so, especially when I'm simply not ready to let go of whatever it is that I have found so egregious.

I think the easiest thing I try to do is think about intent.   Did the person who wronged me intend on doing so?  Are they just immature, irrational, hateful, etc?  If that's the case, then I feel pity for them, and hope that they are able to grow self aware enough to move beyond their short comings.

My biggest struggle with forgivness is when I'm simply not ready to let go.  Most things that irritate/bother/aggravate me, I'm able to get over relatively quickly.  I simply apply the above mechanism regarding intent, and I move on.  But there are a few things, and one thing in particular that has happened to me that I can't let go of.  It serves me no benefit to harbor this ill will even though its fair to say that I deserve to hold onto it like a noose.

I suppose the simplest concept is to think about the wonderful possibilities of the future and try to leave the bitterness of the past where it is.  If you don't let go of what's holding you back, you may never get to where you want to go.

Glimmer of Hope

Every year, for the past few years, the same bird family builds a nest and lays some eggs in a closed-in window at work.  When it happens, I know that Spring is back again.  While I'm in meetings everyone gets distracted by the birds going back and forth horizontally across this window.  Every time the birds come in through the little opening to get to their nest, they bring something.  A twig, worm, straw.  Actually, if you look at the picture to the right, they were able to locate a cash crop of straw from an ongoing construction project next door.

When I left last Friday, the nest was about the size of a football.  When I came back on Monday, I was delightfully surprised by the massive nest which had grown 4x over.  I was impressed with their quick handiwork, and always marvel at their diligence.

I realize I'm waxing poetic- but how can I not?  Life is beautiful.  The fact that I could witness nature's brilliance in the most obscure place makes me giddy.

Appreciate the little things.

Take charge of your destiny

I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
"Invictus" by William Ernest Henley


I saw the movie, "Invictus" and while it was moving (what I could decipher from the heavy South African accents), the best take away was the inspiring poem which gave the movie it's title, "Invictus."  


The poem challenges us not to let fear get in the way of our responsibility to shape our own destiny.  Despite the inevitable hardships we face, we must remember that life is about choice.  We have the ability to make a choice how to respond to challenge.  

Greed

After I have a little bit of something, I almost always want more.   A little is never enough.  And apparently, my fella (see right) took after me.  Instead of sharing with his best pal, he hogged both bones for himself.  At first I was annoyed.  But then I realized, that it was pretty funny.  After 24 hrs, Duke is sharing and Metro is chomping down on the same bone.  The other bone remains untouched.

"No drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power." -P. J. O'Rourke

KG Gets her Groove back

I realize the title to this post is a bit misleading if you have seen the movie that it references.  Read further, and you'll see.

I started playing golf about 6 months ago on a bit of a whim.  I'd always wanted to learn but was intimidated and really didn't know where to begin.  I took lessons through the winter and started getting the hang of it.  Mostly, I loved to apply all the little things together that make up your swing, to see if I could get that little ball up in the air straight ahead of me.

I played my first round of 18 of the Spring on Friday.  It was mostly pretty bad.  I did, however, win the ladies longest drive award.  Then again, I was the only lady in the tournament :-)  I was a bit intimidated by my all-male foursome of life long players.  Plus, I stupidly hadn't been to the driving range in about 6 weeks.  Stupid.  Golf takes routine.  Practice. Habit.

Today I was back at the driving range, hitting a few balls.  I started out with a few drills.  Simply.  Enjoyed the breeze and the 70 degree weather.  It was delightful.  And then, wouldn't you know it- whoosh!  Up, up and away.  Back to nice drives.  Straight drives.  All I had to do get back to the basics, take it easy, and enjoy myself.

I immediately realized golf is a great analogy for any challenge we may experience in life.  I simply choose to acknowledge that I'll never be great at it- but if I keep practicing, I can be pretty good.  KG got her groove back.

Humility at 1000

Humility and meekness are cornerstones of my religion and areas which I constantly seek self improvement- don't think I'll ever be there.

A few people read my blog now, and it is one of the biggest thrills in my life.  Lame? Maybe.  True?  Absolutely!
It humbles me that you take your time to read my thoughts and ideas.  Thank you!

Today I reach a milestone whereby KG's Good Fight has received 1000 views from 17 different countries within the last two and a half months since I made my blog public.  I'll attempt to remain humble about the compliments I've received.  In reality, this is a team effort.  If the people in my life didn't inspire me about what to write, I probably wouldn't have anything to write about.  Thanks again for all the love!

Push Yourself

I picked up my oldest niece from a dance a few nights ago.  She's 14 and growing up faster than I care to admit.  I've helped raise her and find it hard to embrace the fact that there isn't a whole lot of protecting and shielding I can do for her any more.
I was a bit nervous about her not having any fun since she didn't really know anyone, and was prepared to go scoop her if she needed me too.  A best friend warned me not to hurry off and scoop her up if my niece got too anxious.  She instructed me to let her face the challenge, and not run away from it.
At first, I thought it was mean of her to suggest I abandon my niece when she needed me most.  But then I remembered my own experiences which proved her correct.
Had I not pushed myself to go to grad school orientation when I was so nervous (since I didn't know what I was doing, or know anyone) I never would have met CMC.  CMC was sitting next to me, and while I had promised myself that all I had to do was get there, go through the motions, and get out- I couldn't help myself.  I simply HAD to tell her how cute her handbag was.  And that was it.  Best friend for life.  I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and it was worth it. 
Similarly, in 6th grade, Ma forced me to go to Cotillion.  I was new to town, didn't know anyone and cried my eyes out.  My mother STILL made me go.  I hated her for it.  But that was really the first time I had the opportunity to meet E, my oldest and dearest friend.  Ma, I know you are reading this.  Thank you!

Realism

"Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt" - Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

It seems foolish to consider there is any validity to the above quote from Vonnegut's book, "Slaughterhouse Five."  I've actually never read the book, but came across the quote and began to study it.  Upon further inspection, it seems it is an idealist vision of paradise.  As Liz Lemon said, "I want to go to there!" (video below)

It's fun to dream and be optimistic.  But at a certain point, we have to be real with ourselves. 

Further research notes the context of the quote is about death and free will.  We can aspire to see everything as beautiful and try not to let anything hurt us.  It probably won't happen, but it's worth a shot- I mean, who wouldn't want to experience a place where "Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt?"