Do you really want to be happy?

"I begin to suspect that the world is divided not only into the happy and the unhappy, but into those who like happiness and those who, odd as it seems, really don't."  -C.S. Lewis
C.S Lewis was a brilliant author, and the quote above seems to suggest he understood people really well.  I truly believe that some people may think they want to be happy, but really don't.  Perhaps they don't know how and aren't willing to learn what it takes to make themselves happy.  
It takes work! It takes self inspection.  And I've realized that what may work for me, will probably not work for you.  There is no one size fits all approach to happiness, and no one can devise a plan that will solve all your problems.  Even if you are happy, there will be challenging days, stress, problems, etc. I have to remind myself of this! 

Greed

"How slight and insignificant is the thing which casts down or restores a mind greedy for praise." - Horace

Greed is one of the seven deadliest sins that I ignore easily at first blush since it is typically associated with excessive money or big business.  Greed reminds of of the movie, "Wall Street" whereby the main character Gordan Gecko claims that:

"The point is, ladies and gentleman, that greed -- for lack of a better word -- is good.

Greed is right.
Greed works.
Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit.
Greed, in all of its forms -- greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge -- has marked the upward surge of mankind.
And greed -- you mark my words -- will not only save Teldar Paper, but that other malfunctioning corporation called the USA."


I don't typically live in a fashion that would suggest I'm terribly greedy.  Then I start to consider the more subtle ways greed presents itself in my life, I start to feel guilty.

The quote above is a great example.  I had a professional coup last week.  It really was the type of thing that I never should have made happen, but I did.  Fate? Luck? Who knows?  But I wanted to get praise from the big boss, and a lot of it.  I must remind myself that compliments, praise and awards don't mean much beyond the five minutes after you're received your prize.   The knowledge that you have the capacity to achieve, is truly priceless.

Black Sheep

I thought there was no way that I was biologically related to my sisters and parents when I was a kid.  I was the only one who had a name that started with a "K", whereas all of their's started with "D's".  I was the only south paw.  As we got older, I stayed the shortest, and remained the youngest (and therefore potentially an afterthought.)  I was always nerdier than my sisters, into sports-  just plain different.  I even wondered if I'd been adopted.

I felt like I was the black sheep of my family. To a degree I still do.  Except now, I'm proud of the differences.  I think they helped me grow and gain some individuality.

It's funny, I was so focused on the differences, I lost sight of the very many ways I am so much like both of my parents.  It is insanely obvious at this point in my life that I am the direct blood relation of both of my parents.  My interests, my tastes, my character...even my humor comes from one or both of them.  I'm proud of the reminder I have of them to keep them with me.

Complaining

I've come to realize the last few weeks that I've taken a professional turn- it's open to interpretation if it's for the worst or better.  At this point, people mostly come to me with complaints, concerns, problems, frustrations, needs, wants, anger, etc.  I don't get a lot of the good news.  I do get a lot of worry and concern on the back end.  I suppose that is where my career trajectory took me.  It makes sense, but I wasn't expecting it.  New title, more responsibility, more reward?  Perhaps.  But you know what they say, "'mo money, 'mo problems."

The good news is that I feel more fulfilled over all, because more authority to make a difference.  Fixing problems can be pretty rewarding, even if they are more challenging than an easy task.

I guess that means that I should expect the problems and not complain about it- it's inevitable.

Quit being so defensive

"Reject your sense of injury, and the injury itself disappears."  -Marcus Aurelius


Jumping to the wrong conclusion has left me in trouble more times than I can count.  Worse, I always feel horrible about my (over)reaction.  I try to tolerate someone's commentary that may offend me instead of immediately challenging them.  Who knows, they might have something of merit to point out.  But it is so hard.  Especially, if they are rude about it.  


However, if you are the person who is out there casting stones, throwing out hate and opinions- try to watch yourself.  You probably can't appreciate how mean spirited you sound from an outsiders perspective.  

Progress (minor progress)

I like being right.  I like knowing things.  It feels so very good.  So you can imagine I hate admitting when I'm wrong, when I make a mistake or I don't know something.  

This week, I've had to do a lot of those things I don't like to do- I even hate doing.  I was working on a project at work which required me stepping out of my comfort zone.  I was trying to finish this crucial project- and I had several people waiting on me to finish it up.  I missed my deadline and kept procrastinating.  I knew it and felt horrible.  Why was I procrastinating?  Because I couldn't get the job done!  Blerg!  I was (still am) so annoyed at myself.  

Eventually, I had to ask for help.  Tail between my legs.  And then admit to everyone I had held up the process.  It sucked, and I know I never would have admitted the shortcoming 5 years ago.  Progress, I suppose.  I just wish I had asked for help sooner.  Maybe next time.  

I think therefore I am

"If one thinks that one is happy, that is enough to be happy."
— Madame de la Fayette


Rene Descartes, the western philosopher believed his notable idea, "I think, therefore I am" to be a much larger concept than a statement of existence.  I believe that it eludes to the concept that all things are possible.  If you believe it, it will be.  Just like in the "field of dreams,"  "if you build it, it will come." 


Putting the cart before the horse is typically a negative statement, but I think for this purpose, it's a good idea.  Think about it.  

Forgiveness (part III) the ultimate expression of love

Can you imagine showing mercy to someone who killed your son?  I can't, but this woman was able to do so.  It set her free.

It makes me consider the things I should try to let go of, and how that would affect me.  I think about forgiveness, but don't do enough to actually take action.  Any ideas on how to make this happen? Forgiveness is on the top of my list of things to work on, but it seems like I keep writing about it, again and again.....  KG=work in progress.

Slow your roll, kg!

One morning a few weeks back I experienced an unlikely luxury- I drove to work from the River House I visited the prior weekend.  Whereas my mornings are usually full of mind numbing traffic and silent pleas to God to keep me sane and patient despite the idiots I am forced to share the roads with, this morning, it was easy.  It was also picturesque as you can see from the picture to the left.  A mile long bridge over the river, not a cloud in site. No traffic!
Heaven.  As the  years have gone by, I've become better at driving with more patience.  But this past week, I have received 4 (yes, four!) speeding tickets from speed traps in the city.  What a mess!  I was so disappointed in myself.
But as I thought about the foolish mistake(s) I made, I considered a few things.  1) I'm still a work in process.  2) I guess I'm not as good a driver as I thought.  3)  How the heck am I going to be responsible for teaching my own kids how to drive in the future?  Patience.

How many friends is too many?

I was reading something on NPR.org about the reality of our ability to hold on to friends, keep track of what is going on in their lives, and generally actually care about them.  The article suggests that we are only able to keep track of 150 friends, so if you have 1353 friends on facebook, don't believe it. It's not possible.

The article has an interesting parallel to the appropriate size of a management structure within a company (i.e the factory example, if you will).  But it's pretty easy to figure out- too many people means it is too hard to keep track of the details from the people in your life.

That being said, legitimately keeping up with 150 people would actually be pretty impressive.  My advice?  Start with a few old friends that you haven't reached out to in a bit.  Drop a line.  Tell them you miss them, the fun you used to have together and that you love them.  It will be worth it.

Scars

Do you wear your scars, or do your scars wear you?

Bad things happen to all of us, since life simply isn't perfect.  Being a survivor means having the courage to see your battle wounds as proof of our strength and ability to grow from the tough times.

If you use your wounds as an excuse for what you can't do, or why you should be able to do something else, it's almost like you are cheating yourself out of what you have already proven you are strong enough to achieve.

Mom love

Have I told you guys that I love my momma?  If not, I do.  And not just because she gave birth to me so I have to.  I love her because I think she's a great person.  She's fun and has a great sense of humor.  Plus, she's still changing and growing as a person, which I respect immeasurably. When I was a kid, I never would have imagined that my mom would be someone whom I would consider my best friend.  What a kick I get out of the surprises life has in store for me.  I affectionately call my mother, Ma, just as she calls my grandmother.  It annoys her a bit, and I find that  hilarious.

When I saw the video below all I could think about is how my mother would instinctively protect me with her life, given the necessity.  I can't think of a symbol that illustrates the innate care and love that mothers have for us.  Thanks to all the moms out there for all you do.  This is a belated Happy Mother's Day note to her- since I know she is my #1 fan and bloggie supporter.(Ma, click on the link below until a video plays)

Savor your accomplishments

Friends, I'll never forget the first time I rode my two wheeler down the street.  My big sister was cheering me on after patiently teaching me to pedal and stop and keep my balance.  I was six years old and couldn't believe it would be possible.
The pure elation I felt when I got to the end of the street after the wind pushed through my hair- is one of the proudest moments in my life.  I felt like I was flying, it was magical.
The video above exhibits the innate joy that is possible, although we rarely see adults sharing their excitement.  A person would be seen as a braggart.  However, that doesn't mean we shouldn't savor our joys.  Keep them close to the vest.  Then, the next time you feel like you may not be able to accomplish something, 

The choice is yours

"If a man wants to read good books, he must make a point of avoiding bad ones; for life is short, and time and energy limited."
— Schopenhauer
Life is about options. This or that.  Here or there. We always have a choice.  And often, we have far too many choices at our disposal.    
I think it's important to try to force yourself to be patient, especially when it comes to making decisions.  I often want to rush into making a choice so that I can hurry to move on to the next thing.  But impulsiveness leads to disaster, I have learned.  
So, even though life is short, I try to savor each moment, each second for what it is worth.

Taking care of yourself

One of my favorite people (whatup NT!) is fighting a battle to help clean up the food business in our country.  She works to stop the use of all those antibiotics in our meat, the steroids, factory farming, etc.  I think she's pretty awesome.  The great thing about having her around (among many other things) is she brings up information about these topics.

It just makes sense.  Cheap meat is cheap for a reason.  Think about what you eat.  Please and thank you!

I still have the joy!

Every day I send out hundreds of emails and receive at least a hundred back.  Seriously.  We live in a world where we are more apt to correspond with people virtually than through a phone call or an in person meeting.  And while it is more efficient to a degree, virtual communication leads to mis-communication and causes errors in the long run.  Worse, the intimacy you develop when you are able to communicate with someone directly is lost.

Today, I sent an email to a woman I've never met about nothing in particular, and when she wrote back I saw in her signature line, "Still have the joy......"  And I thought to myself, "wait a minute- is this for real? If so, excellent."

So, I wrote back to this woman whom I don't know familiarly, "I really like your statement below!"
And she said, "Girl, after all the things I have been through.... I still have the joy!!!"
I said, "That is THE way! Keep it up :-)"
She said, "Have a wonderful day, my sister!"

I am LOVING this exchange between two anonymous people.  How cool is this world?

It's ok to make mistakes

I love that a friend sent this article to me- I'm not quite sure if it was a hint.  Either way, I'll heed the advice.  I've made enough mistakes in my life and I know I'm bound to make even more.

I've found it's a relief to know that I'll never be good at certain things.  In fact, this article discussed the joy in doing things badly.  Talk about freedom!  We all make them, so why don't we embrace it more?

Optimism vs. Hope

Living with Hope

Optimism and hope are radically different attitudes. Optimism is the expectation that things—the weather, human relationships, the economy, the political situation, and so on—will get better. Hope is the trust that God will fulfill God's promises to us in a way that leads us to true freedom. The optimist speaks about concrete changes in the future. The person of hope lives in the moment with the knowledge and trust that all of life is in good hands…. [looking] toward the future without the need to know exactly what it would look like. Let's live with hope.
-Henri J.M. Nouwen

Send Prayer

Tonight I'm in the hospital with my big sister. She's sick and in a lot of pain right now   I know that because she's prostrate and looks sadder than I've ever seen her.  She called me at 11:55 pm and I immediately picked up since she never calls me late at night.   I picked her up at her house so her husband could stay home with the kids.  Since I live close by it wasn't too much of a big deal.

Seeing her paralyzed with pain is horrible since there is little I can do   All too often I see friends and family with burdens I wish I could help with, but I can't.

Interestingly, while Big Sister and I waited to be seen, a lady who is disabled and in a wheelchair came over to offer sister some assistance with her puke bucket  Seriously.  Here she was with her own physical challenges and she was helping us.  It was quite humbling   After she rolled away Dori noted that we should offer up some thanksgiving to this woman. The fact that Dori thought to do so while she was doubled over in pain is impressive, but the women left a silent impression on both of us.  Almost as an aside she told me she sent the lady a "send prayer" which as she was taught, is the type of prayer you send to someone when they don't know it's even coming-to pay it forward.

Update:  It turns out she has Appendicitis. Keep her in your prayers.

Drive me crazy

Riddle me this- how on earth do you hold your tongue when someone irritates the *&%$ out of you?  Anyone?  Anyone?

I struggle between justifying my need to vent about why I should be able to complain about how a person annoys me, and forcing my lips to stay shut.  I'll say silently to myself, "Serenity now! Serenity, NOW! Keep your mouth shut, KG. If you don't feed into it, it will dissipate."  I try to not talk about my angst and I try to will it away.  Sometimes it works.  A lot of the times, it leaves me feeling bamboozled because I'm not able to fully vent about why I'm entitled to be angry.

Perhaps what they said on Seinfeld is accurate, but it's probably the other way around, "Serenity now, insanity later."

Laughter is the best medicine

I woke up with a killer headache today.  The kind of headache that made me want to take two Tylenol and go back to bed.  Just go to sleep, wake up and start fresh tomorrow.

But I had to go to work and I pushed through.  It just so happens that my lovely officemate was experiencing a headache as well.  Misery loves company, doesn't it?  My big idea for our plight was to turn off our overhead lights and keep on our task lights.  But then we felt sleepy.

About an hour later she said, hey, are you feeling better? The lights had been back on for quite a while by that point.  I realized, I did!

You see, we had spent a good amount of time in fits of laughter over silly ridiculous things.  And it made us feel better.  Which is what scientists have been saying for years.  Laughter is good for our health.  Do it as often as you can.

I know I shouldn't swear but....

I like to swear.  I like to make up swear words.  I think it's funny. Sometimes, I don't even realize I'm doing it until after the words have left my mouth.  I've not known what the heck to say unless I was able to use swear words.  It's a problem.

I've gotten a bit better, but it takes a lot of work.  And I have a lot more work left to do.

It seams Australia is a step ahead.  They are starting to fine folks for their bad language!  Novel concept.

If I died tomorrow....

I had a few friends over for dinner tonight the conversation came to death.  A girl friend met a man who only has a short time left to live.  She was impacted by his vivaciousness in spite of the terminal nature of his health.  I immediately thought out loud, "huh... wonder what I would do if I knew I would die in a short period of time?"  A friend who has a young son noted she would make some videos for him, obviously.  Which reminded me of this lovely man, Randy Pausch and his awe inspiring "Last Lecture."

If I knew I was dying, would I tell people?  Or would I keep it to myself?  Would I travel?  Would I tell everyone I loved them and why?  Would I say my goodbyes?  Would I cross off some crazy things from my to do list?

As I quickly wondered to myself, I drew a blank.  Literally, the only thing I could think of that I would need to do is say good bye to the people I love.  I would want to tell them that time flies, and I would see them again. I would want to pray for peace for my family and each other.

Maybe I need more time to come up with a fabulous list- but to be honest, I've lived a pretty full life already. I don't need a lot more.  What would you want to do?

And again... Dear 16 year old KG

Apparently, there are a lot of people who ponder what they would tell their 16 year old selves if there was a way to time travel.  I'm glad I'm not the only one.  I was reading a post elsewhere about famous British people writing letters to their younger selves.

I loved what I read from Emma Thompson.  I've loved her work in everything from Love Actually to Sense and Sensibility.  But I truly loved when she wrote:

"Dear Em (16)

I realise that you are young and in love and that nothing much that anyone old says seems relevant, but seeing as it's me — that is, you; that is, us, I think it's worth a go. 
Two Top Tips from 50 to 16:
1) Don't EVER EVER EVER bother to go on a diet. I know you're obsessed and have that awful thing of standing in the 6th form canteen trying to choose between a yoghourt & a breathe of fresh air (whilst wanting chips & a cheese salad). Don't sweat it. Eat regularly, try & avoid rubbish and never diet. You'll end up the same size anyway, so drop it girl, & drop it NOW. Believe me — nobody cares. Diets are the best way of confusing your metabolism for the rest of your life. Just be you & get on with it, I cannot tell you how much time & energy you'll save & how much happier you'll be. 
2) When he says he doesn't love you, believe him. He doesn't.
That's it. All the other mistakes you make are worth their weight in gold. 
I love you — Em (50)

I'm not exactly sure what I would write to myself, but I am going to think about it some more and report back to you in the near future.  The one thing I know for sure is that there is more to this world than meets the eye.  Never take a thing at face value.  Except for when a boy tells you he doesn't love you.  That is something you can believe.  Amen, Emma Thompson! 

Dogs at work

The perfect remedy for a better work day?  Dogs at work.  Yes!  Now, if only Duke was better behaved and didn't have a penchant for running off for excursions.

Here's a little "men at work" in lieu of dogs at work.