Get over it

Yesterday and today haven't been the greatest days ever.  The weather is crappy.  Work has been crappy.  And I have a headache.  I think I complained a little bit too much, and I got the below picture sent over to me from a friend.  I got the message loud and clear!

I'm actually at work right now and I'm thinking, who really wants to listen to someone vent too much?  I probably wouldn't either.  Instead, I'm going to try to do a  little meditation as I work.  Maybe I'll listen to some music.  But really, the best remedy is laughter.  I think I may procrastinate and go find someone to laugh with.

It's up to you!

"Most folks are about as happy as they make their minds up to be."- Abraham Lincoln


Where you are in life, and how you feel is your choice.  I realized that no matter how crappy my day may be, I  have a choice in how I respond to the inevitable bad days.  

Helping others

Giving of your time or giving monetarily to a cause feels good.  I don't think we should do it simply because its the right thing.  But it's good for our soul.   Check out this chemical explanation as to why we feel the desire to help.

Be Happy Today

Waiting for tomorrow is a waste of time.  Carpe Diem! Seize the day!

Why smile?

I've written several times about how important I think a sincere smile is.  Here's a poem that drives the value of a smile home.    

"The Value of a Smile
A smile costs nothing, but gives much.
It enriches those who receive, without making poorer those who give.
It takes but a moment, but the memory of it sometimes lasts forever.
None is so rich or mighty that he can get along without it, and none is so poor but that he can be made rich by it.
A smile creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in business, and is the countersign of friendship.
It brings rest to the weary, cheer to the discouraged, sunshine to the sad, and is nature's best antidote for trouble.
Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for it is something that is of no value to anyone until it is given away.
Some people are too tired to give you a smile.
Give them one of yours, as none needs a smile so much as he who has no more to give."
      - Unknown Author

Change of Scenery

Yesterday morning I did a massive spring cleaning of my bedroom (not the closets, yet).  I felt refreshed and renewed.  I was sweating and yanking and pulling and cleaning up and down.  I even rearranged the furniture.  And the funny thing is, not only do I feel good because of how clean everything is.  But it feels even better because my bed is in a different position.

I'm sitting on my bed as I type this and I feel like I have a whole new perspective on not only my bedroom, but my outlook for the day.  From this perspective I'm looking head on to the doorway.  Before I was facing a wall.

You don't have to change your furniture around to feel a sense of renewal.  It's the spring!  Change your scenery for a day and see what happens.

Keep Growing

I heard a quote from a Bob Dylan song,  "he not busy being born is busy dying."
The idea is that if you're not busy growing, learning, changing- you're basically letting yourself whither away toward death.  And what's the point of that?  Sounds pretty boring if you ask me.  And lonely and no fun at all.

Interestingly, I hung out with my father yesterday.  It was nice to talk about life and some of my ideas.  He absolutely understands the "coincidence" concept, and even had some interesting stories from his life that elucidated the same message.   At one point during our conversation,  he said, "you know, I think I've realized that there is still so much more to learn!  I used to selfishly think I knew everything.  And now, I realize there is much more to learn."

Pops (as I fondly call my Dad) is turning 63 soon.  I've worked with him for nine years and know him like the back of my hand.  He's smart and successful. But he's also humble and very generous.  He's a good man.  But he also is stubborn and typically not a great listener.  So the fact that my dad admits he has more to learn blows my mind (in a good way!).  If Pops can do it, you can too.  Stay open minded.  You never know what you may learn next.
*Clarification:  Pops just read the post and informed me that he never said that he thought he knew it all.  He's far more humble than that.  Let's just say, he thought there was less to learn.

Trust your gut

I firmly believe that if you learn to listen to what your gut tells you, you're life will be easier.  I've gotten better at detecting a message my gut is trying to send me as I get older.

Last night, a good friend W mentioned a time when she recognized her gut shouting to her in hindsight.  On the day of her wedding, she was 22 years old and wanted to call it off.  But she didn't feel that she could because of all the money her parents had spent and the guests that had traveled for the event.  She married a man she thought she would be with forever.  And she would have, if matters weren't taken out of her control.

However, the best possible outcome of this horrible event in her life was that she had the opportunity to start fresh, and knows without a doubt that listening to her gut in the future is paramount to her happiness.

I bet that you can think back to a time in your own life when  you absolutely felt your gut warning you not to do something, or pleading with you to do something else.  I think our guts are like a muscle and the more you exercise it, the more practice you have listening to it, the stronger it gets.  Our guts are an internal mechanism devised to help us make good decisions.

Happy Place

I have these two friends who mystify me.  They are the type of people who are genuinely sincere people.  They are happy people.  They almost never yell, scream or lose their temper.  Nice people.  All the time (well, not every single second...but much better than average).  They both seem to be able to maintain a high level of contentedness in their lives.

One of the similar mechanisms I've noticed they both share is what we call, going to their "happy place."  This isn't an actual destination.  It's where they go in their minds to zone out for a little while.  When they go to this place, they are able to recharge their batteries.  If a situation annoys them or someone is talking about something they can't relate to or simply don't feel like participating in, they go to their happy place.   I've known both of these girls between 10-15 years so I can detect when they are there.  I don't really care, either.  I respect them for it!

They have the ability to de-stress themselves when life puts them in a position that they just don't feel comfortable in.  They do it naturally. I've tried to replicate this in my own life and find it helpful.  It's a worthwhile endeavor I think. Give it a go.  Tell me how it works out for you.

When strangers are awesome

I ran in a mud run today with some of my friends.  It was something I wanted to do and it was on my Life List.  I'm happy I did it although there wasn't as much mud and adventure as I imagined.

More importantly, there was a better take away than the challenge of the mud and the obstacles and the running could have offered.  Somewhere in the middle of the race, an older woman was running in the opposite direction.  She stopped ahead of me and smiled broadly and started cheering for me.  A stranger. I was going slow enough to have an exchange with her.  She said, "You're looking great. Keep it up! Isn't today a gorgeous day to be out here? Would you really want to be anywhere else?"  Honestly, at that point, the only thing I could think of was, "Hawaii??  Andthankshaveaniceday!!"  And she laughed, agreed and gave me another "Keep it up!"

Wow!  That kept me going.  Inspired me.  I love when strangers make your day better.  They don't have to.  You don't have to.  But when you do, it matters!

You crazy

This morning I woke up bright and early on a Saturday to wait for the man to come do my annual termite inspection.  I live in an old house and the same man has come from the same company to check on things every March for at least three years.  How do I know its the same man?  Because when he was done with the inspection he was chatting with me.

He mentioned he couldn't believe how quickly the three years have gone by.  I told him, "Well, time flies when you're having fun."  He laughed.  Then he said in stark seriousness, "Where's your husband?"  And I told him, "I don't have one."  He looked confused and grumbled a bit, and he said, "Really? Come on, YOU CRAZY!" as he sincerely smiled at me.

Why does this West African termite inspector think I'm crazy?  Because I think he sees what you see if you know me.  That I'm fairly nice and normal.  I'll take it as a compliment and roll on through my day.
P.S He was sure to also mention he'd keep his eyes peeled for a nice man for me.  So not only is my family, friends and folks from Church looking for a man for me.  But my termite guy.  I'll take it!

Helpless

I feel a little helpless today.  Duke, my beloved dog, seems to be in some pain.  I'm not quite sure what the problem is, but it seems like he's favoring his front right paw.  Or maybe it is his back right paw.  He's just not acting like himself.  Whenever I try to inspect the area he looks at me like he's thrilled I'm giving him a puppy massage.
The most frustrating thing about having pets is that they can't tell you exactly what is going on.  I know Duke well enough to know when he's happy, hungry, tired, wants attention, or has to go out.  He knows when I want him to sit, lay, roll over, get down, stop barking, and to come (most of the time).  We've developed mechanisms to communicate.
As I lamented to myself how frustrated I was that I couldn't ask him what was wrong, I felt paralyzed. I can't help as much as I want to, even when I take him to the vet. Vets, like any Doctor, don't always know how to fix the problem.
You see, Duke is my friend.  And like any friend, it's horrible to be a bystander watching your pal go through tough times.  When I see that happen, I want to push them out of the way and take over.  I stupidly and arrogantly feel like I can solve their problems for them.  It's always easier looking into someone else's problems from where you sit.  This is when I tell myself to take a step back and be patient.  Sometimes, things take a bit longer to work themselves out than I would like.

Growing up

"Between the ages of twenty and forty we are engaged in the process of discovering who we are, which involves learning the differences between accidental limitations which it is our duty to outgrow and the necessary limitations of our nature beyond which we cannot trespass with impunity"
— W.H. Auden
I'm not the same person at 30 that I was at 25 or 20. I'm happy about that.  I'm happy that I have grown and changed.  I'm happy that I've matured. And I'm really happy I don't have to re-educate myself repeatedly, although sometimes it's necessary.  This blog is a mechanism which allows me to hold myself accountable.  I'm chronicling the ideas that shape my personal vision of how my life should be.  If I ever forget a lesson, I have a post I can go back to remind myself.

That doesn't mean I won't slip a bit.  Don't we all?  When you make your next mistake, don't beat yourself up about it.  Take a step back, determine where you got off track and try to do better the next time.  Be kind to yourself.

The major take away is to try to avoid making the same errors that are "accidental errors" as is described in the quote above, and embrace the "necessary limitations."

Never give up

Have you ever wanted to give up?

In his landmark book Good to Great, Jim Collins described this as the “Stockdale Paradox.” It’s named after Admiral James Stockdale, who survived more than seven years as a POW during the Vietnam War and went on to be Ross Perot’s running mate in the 1992 U.S. presidential election. You can read the full account of the Stockdale Paradox on Collins’s Web site. 

But here’s the key quote, straight from Stockdale:

“This is a very important lesson. You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end — which you can never afford to lose — with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”

This is a wonderful lesson for personal development.  Sometimes, all hope seems lost.  There doesn't seem to be an end in sight to whatever it is that travails you.  Being honest with yourself about the truth of your situation is imperative.  It helps offer clarity that ultimately can lead to encouragement.  

But that doesn't mean you shouldn't remain optimistic. You simply need to temper your optimism with the discipline to prepare for the worst, too.  This brings to mind my post about letting go when necessary as I have discussed recently. 

There's always another chance

When a Japanese elite marathon runner's chances of qualifying for the World Championships was dashed March 11th, she wasn't angry.  She mourned the loss of the lives and the devastation in Japan, and simply noted that "there's always another chance."   The video of her story was inspirational.  She had the opportunity to race in LA about a week later and she ran in honor of her countrymen.  Strangers cheered her on.

This is a great reminder to me.  As much as I try to never give up, sometimes you have to let go.   I'll admit to you a secret.  Sometimes, when I'm stubbornly holding onto something, I visualize this scene in my mind, and I repeat to myself, "Indiana, let it go!"  I find it helpful.

P always reminds me that "tomorrow is another day" which always provides another opportunity for you to take your shot at achieving what ever it is you need to.  Often, when you take your next shot the results will be even better than they would have been.

Bullying

I was bullied a bit as a kid.  When I moved in 6th grade, I simply didn't fit in.  I went from being a big fish in a small pond, to a super small fresh water fish in a big huge salt water bay.  Oil and water.  KG was in hell for a few years.  It eventually got better when I started making great friends who had my back.

When I saw video of this Aussie kid a few days ago, I thought to myself... "YES!  GOOD FOR YOU!"  It reminded me of when I punched a girl in 8th grade who made fun of me.  She was relentless, and I snapped. I'm still not proud of how I responded, but she never teased me again.  And she even invited me to her birthday party the next year.  Go figure.

My question is, do you still see bullying around us as adults?  I do from time to time.  When you see it happening, do what you can do to make it stop.   I always root for the underdog, and this is one of the reasons why.  Sometimes, all a person in need must know is that they aren't alone.

Coincidence?

I heard the most amazing lecture this past weekend.  It was about a lot of things, but one of the best take aways was a conversation about coincidence.  Do you believe in it?  I've come to realize in the past few years that coincidence doesn't exist.  I use to hate it when people said things like "everything happens for a reason" or "what's meant to be will be."  But expressions like that gain popularity for a reason. They are true!  This is a continuation of an ongoing conversation I have about "why bad things happen to good people."

The lecturer suggested an exercise to further explain the probability that "coincidence" brings us to the place where we were meant to end up.  All you have to do is write down a list of five things that have happened in your life which were coincidences which led to a much better/different outcome than ever would have happened.

Here are my five:
1) Had a bad experience that happened to me long ago never happened, my whole life would be dramatically different.  I know this inherently.  I wouldn't have achieved what I have. I wouldn't be as strong and determined as I am.  And I never would have struggled to find solace in my spirituality as I have now.
2) I had to take pre-requisites before I could start grad school.  Similarly, CMC, my bestie from grad school  never received her acceptance letter to our program so ended up starting it YEARS later than she would have. She sat next to me at orientation and we've basically been best friends ever since.  My life wouldn't be as great without her.  I can honestly say that grad school was enjoyable because of our friendship.
3) In July of 2005, a week after breaking up with my boyfriend, I impulsively decided to get a dog.  I was lonely, and never would have thought of doing so if I was still with him.  Duke is one of the best things that happened in my life.
4) I was determined to be nothing like my dad.  I decided I wanted to work in the world of Int. Relations by the time I graduated undergrad. I got a fairly prestigious internship.  I was very good at it, but very surprised to find myself bored, and coming up with ways for them to improve their business model.  When no one wanted to hear a 22 year old's ideas, I asked my dad for a temporary job until I figured out what to do next. I've been working for him now for almost nine years.  Had I never worked for him, I would have never healed our relationship and gotten to know and respect him as a peer and a friend.
5) On April 15, 2005, a business deal I was working terribly hard on fell apart.  I was devastated and thought our business was going to fall apart.  My dad told me to keep the faith (of which I had none at the time), and everything would work out.  It did, and the outcome was immeasurably better than the original concept we had conceived.

The speaker I heard has written a few books about Christian mystical spirituality, the kind the Eastern Orthodox faith still teaches and believes in, but isn't often discussed.  The concepts are somewhat akin to how Buddhists generate their meditative methods, except they are from a Christian perspective.  He writes:

"Therefore, what seems to be true about the universe," I concluded, "must also be true about our own lives. After all, we are an integral part of this wondrous universe. Based on this premise, our life cannot be accidental, but, as the Eastern Orthodox Christian elders insist, it is governed by spiritual laws set down by Providence within eternity. 

Trust what you know

I've said this expression many times.  When you meditate on what it means, the concept puts you at ease.  Things become clearer.  If you focus on your history, doubting the very same thing that you know you have already succeeded at, seems fruitless. Let me give you an example.

I had to give a presentation Friday night, and I wasn't sure how many people would be there.  I knew it would be more than 20 and less than 50.  The larger the number, the more freaked out I get.  Every time I think about speaking in public I think about 6th grade.  Mrs. GT*.  Ugh.

Mrs. GT was a mirthless woman who would probably have rather gone through torture than be a teacher.  That was how she presented herself anyway.  I have a fear of speaking in public, and always have.

I was new to school that year, going through an awkward stage, and was having a rough go at acclimating to the new environment.  Mrs. GT decided that I needed some support from a smart kid and sat me next to her. That simply made me feel stupid and inadequate.  So when I had to give my first presentation, I bombed.  I freaked out.  I believe it was the worst one. Mrs. GT made me do that one over.  For the next presentation, she made me do it with a partner.  I was the only one who had to do give my presentation with a partner.  I was mortified.

Thereafter, I remember how determined I was to overcome this fear. I would line up all my stuffed animals in my room, and practice my speeches.  I got a little bit better.  As I grew older and more confidant, I knew that life wouldn't end if I messed up during a presentation.  I got a little bit better.

Flash forward to Friday night.  I started getting a little nervous.  But my best girl, S, said to me, "KG, Trust your history!  You've spoke about this topic before, you are passionate about it, you'll do great!"  She's probably never even heard me speak in public, but she didn't need to.  She knows me well enough to give me the right advice.  And she was right!  The presentation went well, and I felt like those 30 minutes went by as though it was 5.  And I probably could have spoke for at least 30 more!

*Name was abbreviated since I feel a bit guilty talking ill of the deceased.

Youth

"Youth is Wasted on the Young, am I right?"-  (credit Frtiz)

I had a recent conversation with someone I've known forever about how I wouldn't want to be in my young 20's again.  And I'm not lying.  Seriously.  I had some fun in my 20's, but I was a mess.  That is to say, I knew very little.  I especially didn't know myself at all.  Why would I want to go back to that?

The good part about thinking back is that I appreciate how far I've come.  I'm really proud of the growth I've had, and I'm able to recognize that there is still more to be done.  I don't ever want to be the type of person that stops learning, growing and challenging myself.  What fun would that be anyway?

Good Luck!

I've mentioned a few times about how important I think it is to actually be nice to people and smile sincerely at everyone you come in contact with.  I think it makes a difference.
Then I read this and I thought about how positivity suggests hope which can have a direct affect on other people.  Wishing someone luck actually improves their performance.
There is proof!  Even though the whole concept of niceness should make sense to us anyway.

Longevity

We're living even longer than originally expected!  This is good news for most folks.  But it got me to thinking- if I'm going to live longer, than I better make sure I'm the most content and have the most fun I can while I'm here. I like to say "life's too short", and while I mean that life goes by very quickly, the more important take away is that going through life with angst, anger and pessimism is a waste.  

Take a cue from the happy old folks that live forever, like this awesome lady, Ida! whom I've blogged about once before.  She's an inspiration.

The Power of Being Positive

Some days I literally struggle to make the effort to smile.  Seriously.  I realize that makes me sound like an a$$ho#*.  But what can I tell you? The honest truth is on those days I chose to get beyond myself and whatever  is standing in my way.  Why?  Because its the right thing to do.

And, there is a symbiotic relationship between starting to smile and be positive and what you get back from those you interact with.  For more on the actual chemical reaction that happens, see below:

Why women are awesome

Check out these courageous ladies.  I mean, what have we done lately that even compares?  When I hear women gossip about one another, and in general don't support each other I think its a big mistake.  We should be on each-other's sides, helping and supporting in any way we can.  See what they are doing!

(photo credit: Amana Fontanella-Khan)

Loyalty and Friendship

Sometimes I feel like people throw around the word loyalty.  Today, I saw a video of loyalty in action  and it brought tears to my eyes.  I'll be the first to admit that I have what I consider the best friends in the whole world.  Not one best friend- but a small group of awesome and equally special people that stand by my side and support me however and whenever I need.  I'd like to think that if you were in the same position as the injured in the video, I would stand by your side and ensure you received the help you needed.  However, I would try not to sit on your face :-)  Thank you!

Just to refresh, loyalty is defined by dictionary.com as:

loy·al·ty

   [loi-uhl-tee]  Show IPA

–noun, plural -ties.

1.

the state or quality of being loyal;  faithfulness to commitments or obligations.

2.

faithful adherence to a sovereign, government, leader, cause,etc.

3.

an example or instance of faithfulness, adherence, or the like: a man with fierce loyalties.

*If you are interesting in making a small donation to help out our four legged friends in Japan who are victims of the recent devastation there, please click here

p.s There is something further we can learn on animals and loyalty.  Even more important they are SO DIFFERENT, but still get along splendidly. Super awesome!

My Life List

When I was about 12 years old  I read the book, "Chicken Soup for the Soul" which my mom gave me as a feel-good gift of encouragement.  The best take away I had from it was a short story that stayed with me forever.  John Goddard came up with a list of 127 items that he wanted to accomplish in his life.  At 73 he's accomplished most of those things.

I remember being terribly impressed with his list and so I came up with one of my own.  My list has changed over time and I've added a lot to it.  I've also crossed off a few things along the way like getting my Master's, owning a home, and getting a dog.  I've also traveled to some awesome places and learned to do some cool things like paint and currently, golf.

These days I keep track of my list, on http://www.mylifelist.org/.  This site is super helpful, although to be honest, I really haven't worked out all the kinks with it.

Keeping track of my goals has helped me keep moving into the right direction, although I've learned that spontaneity is still important as well. I can't simply live my life working toward crossing off items on my to do lists.

Too much happiness? Instead consider a state of well-being

This article sounds like a whole lot of poppycock at first blush.  But upon further inspection the below seems to make some sense:

Surveys have shown the typical person usually feels more positive than neutral, yet it isn't clear he or she needs to be any happier, Dr. Diener says. But there is such a thing as too much focus on happiness. Ruminating too much about oneself can become a vicious cycle. Fixating on being happy "in itself can become a psychological burden," Dr. Ryff says.

Being happy doesn't mean feeling elated all the time. Deep stress is bad, but the "I don't have enough time" stress that many people feel while balancing work, family and other demands may not be so bad, Dr. Diener says. To improve feelings of happiness and eudaimonia, focus on relationships and work that you love, Dr. Diener says, adding, "Quit sitting around worrying about yourself and get focused on your goals." 

Operation Beautiful

When I think of how much time I've wasted thinking about what I look like, and all my imperfections, it makes me sad.  I know I'm not alone.  Operation Beautiful is a spectacular project conceived in order to end negative self-talk or “Fat Talk.”  Further, the author hopes that "it helps readers realize how truly toxic negative self-talk is  — it hurts you emotionally, spiritually, and physically."  Who is with me on that?

She came up with an idea to combat how ugly we all make ourselves feel.  All you have to do is take a post-it note with a positive message for other women to find.  If you look above to the left, some brilliant person creatively posted their message as graffiti.  

Born this way?

When I think about magazines and billboards and advertising I start to get nauseous.  The images they project are fictional.  But our minds forget to process that information when we view these images of perceived perfection.
I remember seeing the video below a few years ago and I thought to myself- no $%*#.  I've never looked better than when I've had my hair and makeup done for my best friend's and sister's weddings.  And I didn't even get re-touched after!  Almost no one is born this way!

Self Awareness

How often have we talked about self awareness with one another? A lot.  I'll admit that I'm no where there yet, but I've been working on myself for quite awhile.  One day you'll have the weirdest interaction with someone who so obviously has no self awareness.  I did recently, and I thought to myself, "what the what!? Where is HE from? How on Earth doesn't he know that his behavior is unacceptable?"

Self awareness isn't about how old you are.  It's not about how awesome and nice you are.  It's about knowing what makes you...you.  It's a lifelong process that is gradual.  And if you are smart, you will come up with mechanisms to develop beyond your shortcomings.  Note: This doesn't mean it's ok to say, "I know I'm bad at X, get over it!"

No offense, but....

If anyone ever says this to you immediately stop them before they get to the after part of the "but....".  Any idiot should have learned by now that whatever follows the "but" will be offensive.

Do what you love, love what you do

I can't tell you how many people have told me (or how many times I've read) about people finding their passion and making a job out of it.  Countless.  It honestly feels like a far fetched notion.  Something fictional.
Gretchen Rubin talks about this on her blog, "The Happiness Project" and she says the following: 


"It can be hard to identify your “passion,” but you can identify what you did last Sunday afternoon. “Do what you do” is useful because it directs you to look at your behavior, rather than to your ideas – which can be a clearer guide to preferences. It’s not possible for everyone, but to have work that is play, and play that is work, is a very, very happy state"


That doesn't necessarily help me out too much.  Last Sunday afternoon, I tidied around the house, Read a book, watched some netflix, and took a nap.  The only discernible thing I can come up with is that I like to help people.  I'll keep digging.  
Work to live, don't live to work!

Happiness

Does anyone remember Run DMC from back in the day?  Run, now Rev Run, twitters pretty awesome quotes about life, religion, hope and optimism.  He just twittered the following:


"When u see happy ppl it doesn't mean they have perfect lives, it just means they're lookin pass the imperfections!"


How wise.   Life is too short to worry and dwell about all of the things that are wrong with the world.  Try to focus on the good things in life.

Dating...30 minutes or less

I wholeheartedly agree with Kat Williams in the clip below.  There are some wackos out there.  I also agree that since I have my own money, dating is an audition.  And when he refers to "babies" I'm thinking of Duke. I also agree with him about needing to find out immediately if this person is going to work, TONIGHT.  I don't have six months.  I'm not going to wait a year.  I can figure it out in 30 minutes (or less!).  See you at Starbucks, especially now that I have my Starbucks app on my Droid.

Upon further research I found the funny below.  You'd think with all my years of dating experience I'd seen it all. But if you read my prior blog post about Crazypants you'll know I'm still learning new things.  Plus, I'm kicking myself now because I should have uncharacteristically asked for the waiter's phone number last night when I had the chance.  At least I would have come away with something other than a funny story.

Crazypants Invades DC

Anyone know what a V-Block is?  That's a Verizon feature that is available (if you call and wait on hold for 25 minutes) to block someone from calling/texting you.  At least until June 10th.  Then I'll have to call again and re-request if I so desire.  Why do I even know what this is?  Because of the wonderfully disastrous weekend I had with what I hoped would be an awesome new guy I've been talking to for a few weeks.

I met this dude (aka Crazypants, or CP) online and we hit it off immediately. We have a lot in common and I was excited to meet him.  He lives out of town and offered immediately to come visit.  He was aggressive, if not forceful about how interested he was in me, and I found it flattering overall.

Two of my prerequisites for any man I date are that he must be nice and normal.  The other three adjectives from what I call my "Five Finger Test" are funny, hardworking and smart.  While those seem like easy targets, they aren't.  And nice and normal are often the biggest "X" factors when evaluating a potential candidate.  Crazypants was neither nice nor normal as it turns out.

As soon as CP arrived, I picked him up at the airport and offered to take him to his hotel to settle in.  And then we could go to dinner.  However, as soon as he got in the car, he felt it was open season to begin to commence the physicalness of our fledgling relationship.  I explained that wasn't what I was interested in and needed some time to adjust to getting to know him.  The night went downhill from there.  Note:  he also did not look like the pictures I received.

I actually attempted to have lunch with him the following day after he promised to be well behaved and asked if we could still be friends.  Thereafter, he decided it was the appropriate time to provide me with some constructive criticism.  Do you want to tell me why I suck?  No need.  He already took care of that for you.  After I brought him back to his hotel, I started getting these nut-job texts.  I chose not to respond.  Which brings us back to V-Block.

Since this blog is about overcoming the challenges that inevitably happen in life I'll end on a good note.  Thank GOD I dodged that bullet.  And seriously, I am much more happy being single than being saddled with a Crazypants misleading freak show.  Life is too good and far too short to waste time with mean hateful people.

When does KG post?

Team:
I post pretty frequently.  How would you know?  If you "follow" my blog.  See the box on the right at says "Followers"? Click on the button that says "Follow."  You're welcome.
Mom, I know you'll probably ask me how to do this.  Please contact me offline for assistance.  Also note, that my blog is having difficulties accepting comments (Sorry Nicole and Amy!).  So be sure to double check they actually post.
Thanks for following,
KG

Why do bad things happen to good people?

You can look at people walking down the street and they have their angry face on, and you think to yourself, "Why are you so angry? What do you have to be upset about?"  And you might even want to say to them out loud, "Gosh..smile a little! Life's not that bad :-) "  But I wouldn't suggest it.  Because you never know what someone else is going through.  Bad things happen to good people all the time.

Which leads me to my next point, sometimes people are upset because something bad has happened to them, and it's not even their fault.  And they are angry because there was nothing they could do to stop it.  I know our parents told us, "life's not fair" when we were kids and didn't get what we wanted.  They were right.  Bad things happen to good people, and that will never be fair.

But what are you going to do about?  Are you going to blame someone else?  Or take the high road, and pragmatically expect that sometimes, life throws you curve balls.  It's what you do about it that counts.

Enjoy Life!

My best girl, Allie C lost a dear friend yesterday.  The lovely Erica Fabulous was a fighter.  She was bright and positive and praised God, even when she found out she was diagnosed with Stage IV Colon Cancer at the age of 26. I'm inspired by someone who can focus on the positive despite such obvious distress.  She could have been angry with God, but wasn't.  She's an example that life isn't fair.

God never promises our lives will be perfect.  He never tells us our lives will be easy.  He does, however, tell us in Him we have eternal life.  She had her eye on the prize.  She was here to show what selfless sacrifice looks like. May her memory be eternal!

p.s If you start to feel weird/sicky, go to the doc!

Bad Dates

You all know I've had about... well, one too many bad dates.  In fact, I think some of you stick around because you like to hear about the men I've had the pleasure of dating.

This true story is laugh out loud funny. If you want more from me, please contact me offline.  I'm not putting my crazy in print.  Well, not the crazy about the men I've dated.  My mom reads this!

Recognition

I'll admit it.  I like to receive praise for a job well done.  Give me a compliment and I'll be happy.  Buy me a present and I'll probably cringe.  Why?  Because what happens If I don't like it and I'm forced to fake excitement in front of you as I open something that I never wanted nor needed?  

Anyway, the good thing about compliments is that they are free.  The bad thing is that once you hear/read aforementioned compliment, it may not be enough.

Try to give appropriate recognition to those that deserver it, and especially to those that never hear it.

Kefi (aka κεφι)

Kefi is described as "The spirit of joy, passion, enthusiasm, high spirits, or frenzy. The custom of smashing plates is considered an expression of kefi, when the soul and body are overwhelmed with an exuberance that must find an outlet."


When you go to Greece, (and by all means, go as soon as possible) you will hear this word thrown around. And you will start to see it in the faces of the people.  It appeared as though most Greeks don't have a care in the world.  The Kefi they have provides a spirit of contentment.  As a Greek-American, I'm still learning to find my Kefi, but life's a journey, no? 


Where's your Kefi? 


(note to readers:  my next dog's name will probably either Kefi or Koukla, heads up)

Optimism

"Optimism is true moral courage."
— Ernest Shakelton

Love yourself

I located an awesome blog, called Positively Present.  The best part about the internet is all the resources that are out there for those of us who are searching for clarity.  This month, positively present is focusing on loving yourself.  They've even offered a handy reminder for the days when you need it.

Self Fulfilling Prophecy for Bright Girls

When I was a kid, (why do I always seem to be talking about when I was a kid?) I mistakingly thought I was stupid.  And my fears made me panic and not do well in school for a time.  I know I'm not alone, because as I grew older I started admitting my fears to friends.  It turns out that a lot of us have the same fears and challenges that set us back.  I'm so thankful for the support of my friends who helped me along the way.  I was never stupid, and was able to achieve a lot of scholastic and professional accomplishments despite my youthful lack of confidence.


Girls especially struggle to overcome challenges in school and later in the workplace as adults.  We're compared to our male counterparts, and are our own worst enemies at times.


According to a  "series of studies in the 1980s, looking at how Bright Girls and boys in the fifth grade handled new, difficult and confusing material.  She found that Bright Girls, when given something to learn that was particularly foreign or complex, were quick to give up; the higher the girls' IQ, the more likely they were to throw in the towel. In fact, the straight-A girls showed the most helpless responses. Bright boys, on the other hand, saw the difficult material as a challenge, and found it energizing. They were more likely to redouble their efforts rather than give up."


Further, the article goes on to ask, "how often have you found yourself avoiding challenges and playing it safe, sticking to goals you knew would be easy for you to reach? Are there things you decided long ago that you could never be good at? Skills you believed you would never possess? If the list is a long one, you were probably one of the Bright Girls -- and your belief that you are "stuck" being exactly as you are has done more to determine the course of your life than you probably ever imagined. This would be fine, if your abilities were innate and unchangeable. Only they're not."


Some of you have little girls, and many of the rest of us will have some at some point, I'm sure.  Let's do better for them than we did for ourselves.