KG's Good Fight

Thanks for making me feel like crap photoshopping

2012-02-24T00:02:00.000-05:00

I hate reading articles like this, even though I realize they are published in order to make me feel better about myself:

Adele is beautiful. And has an amazing voice. Didn't you see her at the Grammy's? Then this article deflated my thoughts....

Treat.yo.self.

2012-02-23T12:57:00.000-05:00

It would be great to think that someone is going to come out of no where and treat you special, the way you deserve to be. But that almost never happens. Sometimes, you just need to take care of yourself. As they say on the wonderful show, "Parks and Recs," TREAT. YO. SELF. see video below:

The Hardest Thing in the world

2012-02-22T00:16:00.000-05:00

Forgiving another person from the heart is an act of liberation. We set that person free from the negative bonds that exist between us. We say, “I no longer hold your offense against you.” But there is more. We also free ourselves from the burden of being the “offended one.” As long as we do not forgive those who have wounded us, we carry them with us, or worse pull them as a heavy load. The great temptation is to cling in anger to our enemies and then define ourselves as being offended and wounded by them. Forgiveness therefore liberates not only the other but also ourselves. It is the way to the freedom of the children of God.
Henri Nouwen

Choose you

2012-02-21T00:28:00.000-05:00

"I have found that most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."— Abraham Lincoln

Every day, when you wake up, you have options. I think, the most important one is to choose whether or not to make your day a happy one, or not. Choose you. Choose optimism. Don't let all the negativity get you down.

Powerful Prayer

2012-02-20T08:27:00.000-05:00

I became friends on facebook with a guy who is a missionary in Africa. We share the same faith, so at the time, it didn't seem that odd to follow his path there. Less than a few months later, I met his sister, and a year after that she has become a very good friend. The kind that knows everything about me, supports me like a sister and I can count on for anything. Now, the fact that I follow him on facebook doesn't seem nearly as odd.

This morning, I saw this post of his, and it warmed me up. I'm typically not one for formal prayers, but this one seemed so pointed and powerful. The best part, it arrived via text from a Kenyan preacher.

"Text message from a priest I know in Kenya after learning that I would most likely not be back there anytime soon: 'May God Remember you like Noah, Favour you like Moses, Honour you like Mary, Fight for you like the Israelites, Prosper you like Isaac, Promote you like Joseph, Intervene for you like Esther, Protect you like Daniel, Use you like Paul, Heal you like Naaman, Answer you like Elijah, Anoint you like David, Keep you safe like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. This is my prayer for you 2day & always. BE BLESSED.' "

Finding Peace through Fear

2012-02-17T10:05:00.000-05:00

PRESCRIPTION FOR HOPE AND FREEDOM

Choices That Attain Inner Peace

peace.
peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise or problems or hard work. It means to be in the midst of these things and still

be calm in your heart
and clear minded.

by Gerald G. Jampolsky, M.D. and Diane V. Cirincione, Ph.D.

Attitudinal Healing is the realization that it is not other people, events,stressful experiences or circumstances outside of our selves that cause usstress, conflict, or emotional upset. Rather, it is our own thoughts, feelings,attitudes and judgment about those things that actually cause us distress.

Thoughts Ican choose to remember ...
1.  Learnfrom my mistakes as well as those of others, and then let
      them go.
2.  Onlymy own thoughts hurt meand only my own forgiveness
      sets me free.
3.  Thepurpose of my relationships is to join, not separate.
4.  Askmyself the question daily: Am I here to love or am I here
      to judge?
5.  Remindmyself that I am a spiritual being.
6.  Seeno value in punishing myself with my thoughts.
7.  Bewilling to see the light and not the lampshade in others.
8.  Bewilling to see no shadow in anyone's past, including my own.
9.  Rememberthat forgiveness is the greatest healer of all.
10. Seeno value in hurting others or myself with either my words
     or thoughts.
11. Imay not be able to control the outside world, but I can control
     the thoughts in my own mind.
12. Thereis no enemy, no one is to blame.
13. Stayingin the present prevents my getting stuck in the fear
      of the past or future.
14. Chooseto see others as either loving, or as fearful and giving a
      call for help.
15. Bewilling to ask each other for help, rather than attacking
      each other.
16. Thebest way to prevent burnout is to let go of all of my judgments.
17. Resistthe temptation to gossip and spread rumors.
18. Bewilling to be vulnerable.
19. Letgo of any need to control others.
20. Othersdon't have to change in order for me to be happy.
21. Trustthat change can ultimately have positive,
      rather than negative, results.
22. Acceptresponsibility for my own happiness.
23. Choosepeace of mind as my own goal each and every day.
24. Forgivingothers and myself totally and with no exceptions,
      is the key to inner peace, happiness, hope andfreedom.
25. Bewilling to meet for a short time daily with family, colleagues,
     or friends with the motivation of focusing on one
     of these thoughts throughout the day.

Why Marriage?

2012-02-14T17:53:00.000-05:00

According to studies and research.....the way to ensure you have a successful marriage is to follow a few simple rules that I included below. I found this information from another awesome TedTalk about What you don't know about marriage: More importantly, what it takes to have a successful marriage.

Happiest couples....

Focus on the positive
Men do more around the house.
Women should be thinner and better looking than their husbands.
Don't win an Oscar. Aka- the Oscar Curse (hello, Hillary Swank, Halle Barry, Reese Wisherspoon, etc)
Don't watch romantic comedies- makes our lives seem unbearably grim thereafter.
Don't drink booze. (causes the crazy)
Stay away from Divorcing couples. Divorce is contagious. If a close couple friend gets divorced, it increases your chances of divorce by 75%.

One reason TO do it? The legal benefits. There are1000 legal benefits of being married according to the federal government. Need more reasons to consider it? Married people make more money. They're happier. They have more sex than single people. They raise more emotionally healthy kids. They live longer.

A few things to consider....just sayin'!

Forgiveness does alter your future

2012-02-13T10:21:00.000-05:00

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.”—Paul Boese

I write about forgiveness a lot because there is someone I can't forgive. I try, but I'm not 100% there yet. I've been working on it for what seems like forever. I may never get there, but I think I will. I know that I'm closer today than I was last year. So at least there is some progress.

I was reading this blog post on Positively Positive about how forgiveness sets YOU free. You don't do it to benefit the other person, rather to help yourself. It's a great perspective to take. The ability to unburden yourself is, ultimately,

The most common misconception about forgiveness is that two people are required for it to work. This is not true. You can forgive people who are no longer here, or with whom you no longer have contact. Forgiving is all about you. Deciding whether to hold anger or release it occurs in your mind. How do you want to feel? What do you want taking up space in your brain and body? It’s your choice. Forgiveness is not condoning the actions of the other party. It is not rolling over and giving up. It is not giving in or losing anything. Forgiveness frees YOU from resentment prison.

As the article notes, and I have found to be true, "Ultimately, forgiveness is for the forgiver."

Being Mindful

2012-02-10T01:39:00.000-05:00

Being mindful about, well, anything, is one of the keys to life. In fact, I was just reading an article about how "mindful eating" is all the rage these days. It stems for a Buddhist tradition of really processing the flavor, the texture, the color, the aroma of what we put into our bodies. Me? I eat fast, too much of some stuff, not enough of others.... kg=hot mess. Therefore, I find this experiment intriguing. I also realize this means I have to try to harness one of the aspects of my being that I struggle with: patience.

I found it to be true when I read, “So many people now have found themselves in an adversarial relationship with food, which is very tragic,” Dr. Bays said. “Eating should be a pleasurable activity.”

According to the article, " the ingredient that helps mindful eating gain traction in mainstream American culture: flavor."

Take a look. Try it. Tell me what you think.

Success (II)

2012-02-09T01:26:00.000-05:00

There are keys to success. They may vary from person to person, but inherently, they are relativity the same and come down to a list of expected suggestions. I love lists- I love generating them, and crossing things off of them. It makes me so very happy. I also like to read other people's lists: Check this out

The only thing in life you have control over is your perspective. No matter what happens, YOU control what the meaning is, and what to do with the meaning you give to the circumstance.

Have more fear of regret than failure.

Failure is only part of the journey to success. There is not one success story out there that hasn’t experienced failure. The reason you are hearing about it as a success story is because those people saw failure as a tool to get it right.

It’s not about what you want to do for a living, it’s about who you who want to be. What is your purpose and legacy? I believe the age-old question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” is wrong. We need to be asking, “Who do you want to be? What footprint do you want to leave in this world?” From there, you will have your answer as to what you should “do.”

Stay focused on your race within. When you are too busy looking behind and around you, people are passing you by.

True leadership comes from good energy. Worry more about what your energy is like than the firmness your handshake.

Life will give you the same challenges/problems over and over again until you learn your lesson.

Until you jump over your inner roadblocks, your outer ones will stay firmly in place. We spend so much time focused on all the exterior obstacles around us, letting them be our excuses. But the more clear and aware we are of our internal roadblocks, and dissolve them, the external roadblocks will begin to disappear, too.

The most successful people are the ones that work on themselves first.

Do not judge—be inspired. If you are too busy judging everyone and everything around you, you are not remaining open to find inspiration in everyone and everything around you.

You are not allowed to complain about something unless you are going to do something about it.

Surround yourself with people you want to be like.

Learn to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. The more fears you face, the more you will grow.

Always ask, “What if?” and, “Why Not?” Instead of thinking, “What if I fail?” ask, “What if I succeed?”

Creativity is your unlimited capital. Understand and harness its power.

“I only have good days.” If you start off everyday with this mindset, even when challenges emerge, your positive mindset will help you overcome them more readily.

Create your own footprint. You do not need to do what others have done before you.

Hit the “mental reset button.” When you are thinking negative thoughts, envision hitting the “delete” button in your mind and begin to rewrite a better story.

Abundance is everywhere. You must choose to see it and believe it in order to fully experience it.

There is a lesson in everything that happens to us—wisdom to be gained and gratitude to be given. Begin with gratitude and everything else will reveal itself.

Real Women

2012-02-08T13:21:00.000-05:00

I hate leaving the house without make up on. I only do it if I'm going somewhere that I'm pretty certain I know I won't run into anyone I know, or anyone that will care (like my best friends). Or somewhere that I can easily dodge and weave people I know without them seeing my hideous non-makeup'd face. I'm serious. I think I look bizarre and hideous with out eyeliner on. I hate my eyelashes. They are straight and don't easily curl!

I was in church this past week, feeling pretty great because I had on a cute dress and my makeup was done just so. Somehow, my boyfriend and I started chatting (bad me!) about something and he tells me- very nonchalantly- that he prefers me without make up. I'm serious. I still can't believe he is, but he said it. I realize I should be happy, but I found it disturbing.

No wonder why. Here's another example of how advertising messes with our heads. This woman is beautiful by any stretch of our imagination. But they use computers to make her look unrealistically perfect. This is what we compare ourselves to.

Hope from Detroit

2012-02-06T15:39:00.000-05:00

Superbowl Ads usually drive me crazy. Although I really did love the one with Betty White playing football. But then I saw this one, and I really liked it. I got it. I feel it. I appreciated the sentiment. Smart move, Chrysler.

No Regrets- Love Right

2012-02-05T15:46:00.000-05:00

“Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about those who don’t. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would most likely be worth it.” -Harvey MacKay

This about sums it up, no?

Creating Lasting Positive Change

2012-02-04T21:59:00.001-05:00

I love ted.com. I always learn something when I watch the speeches people make. Take a look at the preceding presentation. It's one of my recent favorites. This gentleman studies happiness, which is a favorite topic of mine. He mentions that studies show that if you do the below, you can certainly create positive change.

Try it. What's the worst that can happen? Small Changes Ripple Outward

3 Gratitudes
Journalism
Exercise
Mediation
Random Acts of Kindness

Friendship

2012-02-03T02:07:00.000-05:00

"Of all the things that wisdom provides to help one live one's entire life in happiness, the greatest by far is the possession of friendship."— Epicurus

I have good friends. I'm lucky to have them, that much is obvious to me. I feel like gushing a bit here, and I certainly don't mean to brag, but I can't tell you how much their support has influenced my life. The best part? They believe for me, when I can't believe myself. And vice versa.

Case in point- for years, I would go through the up and downs of dating. They would laugh with me when I had a horrible date story. They would help put my pieces back together when things didn't go the way I thought. And when I lost hope, they would (every time!) tell me, with 100% confidence that it would work out. They believed for me. I trusted that their faith meant something, even when I simply couldn't be positive that it would.

That is one of the most powerful treasures I know in the world- the support of a friend. Thank you, Girls! You are the best.

When I'm a mom....

2012-02-02T21:08:00.000-05:00

Tina Fey’s “A Mother’s Prayer for Her Daughter”

The awesome Tina Fey (whom I met one amazing day) wrote a hilarious and touching prayer for her 5-year-old daugher Alice in her memior Bossypants. When I read this, I immediately thought about how much my mother went through raising me and my sisters. And then I thought- "Oh, #(%@! If I'm lucky, I'm going to be a mom one day...I may have to keep this prayer handy."

---------------------------------

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered,

May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half

And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her

When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the nearby subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock N’ Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance.

Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes

And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen.

Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long,

For Childhood is short — a Tiger Flower blooming

Magenta for one day –

And Adulthood is long and Dry-Humping in Cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever,

That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers

And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister,

Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends,

For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord,

That I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 a.m., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck.

“My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental note to call me. And she will forget.

But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.

rage KaGe loses it

2012-01-30T20:15:00.001-05:00

I lost my temper today. It was pretty bad. I was baited, and then I did some baiting. It was an absolute moment of weakness on my part. No situation ever warrants losing your cool. In the end, you'll be left with regret- at least I am.
The reason I lost my temper is meaningless. I felt justified in the moment. I was at work, and I asked someone to do something nominal and he went from 0 to 60 in ten seconds. This is the type of person that always is right. Always. It never matters what the other person is saying.
Mind you, he works under me. Further, we both work under my father. Have I told you I work for my Pops? I do. I have for over ten years.
In that time, I have learned a lot. I mostly learned what not to do. I've learned how to be clear in order to get the desired results I seek. I've learned to take a few risks. I've also learned to watch my father's back. That's really what I see myself doing every day. I make sure no one is trying to screw him over- or I try to. Sometimes I'm more successful than others.
I always got the feeling this person was using my dad. He was telling Pops what he wanted to hear in order to get ahead, or worse, get what he wanted. Over time, I grew to distrust him so when he snapped at me today, I snapped back big time.
Pops has been calling me a pit bull for a decade- he proudly tells people that have never met me before that I have similar character traits to a pit bull. He warns them to never cross me. Today, he was right. I had enough and I attacked. I felt, in the moment, that I was finally able to defend my dad against this idiot. In the process I'm certain I embarrassed Pops, instead.
Pops doesn't need my help, I'm certain. I've noticed though, it's a funny thing.... getting older. You start taking care of your parents more. Being a care taker is part of the role you play as a grown child. Our parents have done enough already, haven't they?
Then again, I still need Pops. Maybe one of these days I'll learn from him how to not go all rage KaGe annually. After this incident he calmly told me to "use this as a learning experience and move one." That was all he needed to say.
I'm still learning.

Barefoot and Intelligent

2012-01-30T15:01:00.000-05:00

This story is amazing. A Ted talk from an Indian man who left his bright future to be barefoot in rural villages.

The point? The solutions are already out there.
Women make this work. More specifically, Grandmothers make this work
People with innate skill sets make this work.
We must give people a chance to shine.

"first they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you and then you win" -Ghandi

Time is Priceless (and free!)

2012-01-28T00:06:00.000-05:00

“Time is free, but it's priceless. You can't own it, but you can use it. You can't keep it, but you can spend it. Once you've lost it you can never get it back.”
― Harvey MacKay

So why do we waste the time we have? I am guilty of it. I procrastinate and fill my time with... I'm not exactly sure. I fill my time with distractions which perpetuates my feeling that I am always behind on some sort of deadline, internal or otherwise. I've been this way since I was a kid. It's a miracle I made it through high school, college, grad school and I have a successful career.

You can't always get what you want, how you want it

2012-01-27T00:38:00.001-05:00

From their annual surveys, they’ve found that Americans prefer to create or understand their religion or faith in a way that will fit their lifestyle, not the other way around. "We are a designer society. We want everything customized to our personal needs -- our clothing, our food, our education,Now it's our religion.”

This happens because man has interjected their own suppositions about faith, construing the dogma as they see fit. Even church fathers are guilty of this.

My dad is always complaining about how the younger generations try to contour life to suit a more benevolent approach. As a society, we decided not to keep track of the score at kids soccer games. We let people get away with dishonorable actions.

Does it really make life easier in the long run? Probably not.

a literal neural path to happiness

2012-01-26T00:16:00.001-05:00

"Over time, the same positive thought ("I am going to catch this ball") reinforces the strength of the positive route that’s being run. And, as logic follows, a negative thought ("I don’t think I can catch this ball today") reinforces the neurons’ familiar, negative route."

The above is from an post on one of my favorite blogs from a book on happiness- "Delivery Happiness" by Tony Hsieh. He's the business mastermind behind the Zappos brand.

Here are a few tips from Rick Hanson’'s Buddha’s Brain for strengthening your positive neural circuitry:

Turn positive facts into positive experiences. Good things keep happening all around us, but much of the time we don't notice them; even when we do, we often hardly feel them. Whatever positive facts you find, bring a mindful awareness to them open up to them and let them affect you. It's like sitting down to a banquet; don't just look at it dig in!
Savor the experience. Make it last by staying with it for 5, 10, even 20 seconds; don't let your attention skitter off to something else. The longer that something is held in awareness and the more emotionally stimulating it is, the more neurons that fire and thus wire together, and the stronger the trace in memory (Lewis 2005).

ugly duckling

2012-01-25T15:28:00.000-05:00

I always felt like such an ugly duckling growing up- I remember reading the story of how the beautiful swan emerged from what used to be the poor ugly duckling and I thought to myself, "gee, maybe that will be me one day!"

It's been a long hard road. However, I can honestly say I feel so much more comfortable in my own skin now and enjoy my life so much, that I can be exactly myself all of the time. I think that makes me a far more beautiful swan than pretty white feathers would any day.
Funny enough, this reminds me of Tina Fey, and her revelation of her high school graduation picture. Wow has she come a long way. The best part about her, however, is how freaking funny and cool she is. Who cares how much of a nerd-bot she was in high school!

buhbye!

2012-01-21T00:25:00.000-05:00

How friendly are you? Are you nice to strangers? Check out this little girl. She is adorable, friendly, and enthusiastic about life. The best part? Everyone who says "bye" back to her. Here's the back story.

Things we wish we knew....

2012-01-20T00:15:00.000-05:00

I love reading lists like this- it makes me consider what I've learned, and still need some work on.

1. First up: Stop worrying so much! It's useless. (I.e. Jesus was right.)

2. Being a saint means being yourself. Stop trying to be someone else and just be your best self. Saves you heartache.

3. There's no right way to pray, any more than there's a right way to be a friend. What's "best" is what works best for you.

4. Remember three things and save yourself lots of unneeded heartache: You're not God. This ain't heaven. Don't act like a jerk.

5. Your deepest, most heartfelt desires are God's desires for you. And vice versa. Listen. And follow them.

6. Within you is the idea of your best self. Act as if you were that person and you will become that person, with God's grace.

7. Don't worry too much about the worst that can happen. Even if it happens, God is with you, and you can handle it. Really.

8. You can't force people to approve of you, agree with you, be impressed with you, love you or even like you. Stop trying.

9. When we compare, we are usually imagining someone else's life falsely. So our real-life loses out. I.e. Compare and despair.

10. Even when you finally realized the right thing, or the Christian thing, to do, it can still be hard to do. Do it anyway.

11. Seven things to say frequently: I love you. Thank you. Thank you, God. Forgive me. I'm so happy for you! Why not? Yes.

12. Peace and joy come after asking God to free you -- from anything that keeps you from being loving and compassionate.

Things we wish we knew (II)

2012-01-19T00:34:00.000-05:00

Much like my post from last week, here are some things we should try NOT to do. It's worth a read:

1. Compare. Ever heard the saying "Compare and despair"? Comparing yourself to someone else usually means that you imagine the other person is better off, more satisfied -- in a word, happier. But here's the problem: We end up comparing what we know about our life, which is a mixed bag of good and bad, with a fantasy of someone else's supposedly "perfect" life. Why do we do this? Because we know all about our own problems, but other people's problems are harder to see. As a result, our real life always loses out. That leads to despair. Besides, there's probably someone comparing his or her life to your supposedly perfect one -- which shows you how ridiculous it all is.

2. "Should" on Yourself. It's devilishly easy to imagine yourself making a choice that would have taken you to a different place in your life. I should have married this person; I should have taken that job; I should have moved; I should have blah, blah, blah. This is called "shoulding all over yourself." (Say it aloud and the negative meaning becomes clearer.) Reflecting on our choices is an important way to grow, but you can't live your real life if you're busy living in your "should have" life. You'll end up torturing yourself. Jesus of Nazareth once said you can't serve two masters. You can't live two lives either.

3. Get People to Like You. I spent all of my teens, most of my 20s, a great deal of my 30s and too much of my 40s trying to get people to like me. But forcing people's affection rarely works. Plus, it takes too much energy to tailor yourself to what you think people will like (which is impossible to figure out anyway). Your true friends like you already. Be open to change and growth by all means; but treasure friends who love you for who you are. St. Francis de Sales, a lighthearted 17th-century saint, once said: "Be who you are and be that perfectly well."

4. Interrupt. We all think we're good listeners. We're not. Many of us are absolutely terrible listeners, impatiently waiting for our turn to speak, confident that our next utterance is the solution to everyone's problems or the most interesting of all the commentary yet offered. But you can't contribute intelligently to any conversation if you're not listening what the other person is saying. Interrupting someone says, "I have no interest in even letting you finish your thought." As my sister tells her children, you have two ears and one mouth for a reason.

5. Worry About How You Look. I cut myself shaving: Is the blood still showing? I have a zit: Is it getting bigger or going away? I need a haircut: Should I get one today or tomorrow? Are these pants too short? Too long? Who cares? Sure, you need to look presentable for your job and a decent appearance is a sign of respect to those around you. But if your friends are overly concerned about your clothes, and judge you on that basis, they may not be the best friends for you. And who in their right mind cares what strangers think about your clothes, unless you're a fashion model? Spend less time thinking about your outside and more about your inside.

6. Work Constantly. We are immersed in a culture of productivity, which says that we are what we do. That's why the first question out of someone's mouth upon meeting a stranger is often "So what do you do?" We also measure ourselves by how much money we have, or make. Thus, discussions about salary are a big taboo. You can ask someone about their facelift or their divorce, but not what they earn. Why? Because it's the default measure of worth, and it ruthlessly places people on a social ladder. If someone makes more than we do, we may feel "less than." Look, everyone's got to work. But if value is gauged by wealth, then when we make less, we feel less valuable as human beings, which is tragic. Nelson Mandela didn't make much money when he was imprisoned in South Africa; was he less valuable? Plus, if we are what we do, when we're not working we're nothing. This kind of thinking creates a skewed measure of "value." Stop driving yourself nuts with the trap of constant work.

7. Fail to Give People a Break. Hey, surly person behind the drugstore counter: Why didn't you say thanks when you handed me my change? Hey, barista, why are you being so rude? Stop and think. Maybe it's because they're underpaid; they hate their low-paying job; their mother is dying. Remember that behind those frowning faces are full lives. Remember too, that all these people all beloved creatures of God, with their own human dignity, and holy in their own way -- yes, holy. When the Book of Genesis said that God looked at everything and said, "It was good," he meant people, too. Even the angry barista. Give them their dignity by giving them a break.

8. Complain About Minor Illnesses. If you've got a serious or chronic illness, you need to share your struggles and frustrations with your physician, with friends and family, or even a therapist. You need support. But do you have a cold that has hung on for days and makes you phlegmy? When you bend over like this does your back ache because you pulled a muscle in the gym? No one really wants to hear about minor illnesses. Everyone gets sick, for Pete's sake. In the words of the great prophets, suck it up.

9. Be a Jerk. You're tired. You're rushed. You've got a cold. You're late. You're angry about something your boss said. Yes, you're miserable. That doesn't mean you have to be a jerk to everyone else. It really doesn't. Sure, share your frustrations and struggles with close friends, but don't make everyone else's life more miserable by passing on your misery. Once, I joked to a friend, "Boy, my life is such a cross!" "Yes," he said, "But for you or others?"

10. Avoid Doing the Right Thing. It's no fun to call a friend who is in a bad mood because she's lost her job. It's no fun to take responsibility for making a mistake. It's no fun to speak out against racism, sexism or homophobia and stand up for those being mocked. It's not fun, it takes effort; but you know it's the right thing to do. Do it anyway. If you don't, you'll feel terrible about yourself, and that's really no fun.

11. Make Fun of People. Nothing brings me lower than a few minutes of mocking another person. (Particularly if the person is not present.) But the snappy putdown has a high value in our culture, and famous snubs (say, of one famous writer to another) are repeated, and treasured like beautiful jewels. Much of our current political climate consists of politicians mocking people in the other party. (That's been a big help in this country, hasn't it?) Malicious speech is an easy way to wound. If you feel like you're powerless against badmouthing someone, ask yourself three questions when it comes to commenting on another: Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it true?

12. Be Hard on Yourself. One of my Jesuit mentors used to say, "Be easy with yourself, Jim." If you're reading this list, and taking it at all seriously, you may be beating yourself up about stupid things that you've done in the past. (Believe me, my list is just as long as yours.) But you also want to change yourself, which is good. So be careful to "trust in the slow work of God," as the Jesuit Pierre Teilhard de Chardin used to say. (He was also a paleontologist, so he knew about things moving really slowly.) Or if you don't believe in God, trust in slow work, period.

If you ever get discouraged about your rate of change, just think about trees -- yes, trees. In the summer they're green. In the fall they're red. And no one sees them change.

Volunteering

2012-01-18T00:06:00.000-05:00

I grew up with parents that were happy to lend a hand to whomever, whenever. My mom helped at hospitals, picked up old people when they needed a ride somewhere, visited sick friends, made dinner for someone who needed it, etc etc. I recall my dad driving through the city one day, stopping the car (we were wondering what was going on), and running across the street to help someone in a wheel chair who was having problems getting onto a sidewalk. They are just those type of people.

It must be why volunteering makes sense to me. It's a part of my life. My parents taught me "to whom much is given, much is expected." You can never sit on your laurels. If you have a lot you have to give back.

That is why, when I read this little interview, I got it. When I travel internationally to help others, it makes my life seem so trivial- but all the more worthwhile. It matters. Lend a hand when you can.

How to be interesting

2012-01-17T17:24:00.000-05:00

This is how you do it....here

How are you doing?

2012-01-17T15:38:00.000-05:00

I was at church a few days ago and I ran into someone I hadn't seen in a few months. I said "good morning" and "how are you" ...and she did the same. We smiled. I responded and told her I was doing well. She paused and said, "no, KG, how are you really doing?"

It was one of the nicest things someone has done for me in awhile. This woman isn't a best friend, or even a close friend. I've just met her through volunteering efforts. But I have always found her to be sincere and kind. So her question was well placed and well received.

It's important to read between the lines when you are checking in with friends- all to often we give automatic responses that we are fine and everything is "ok". Perhaps we should consider actually telling the truth every now and again. See what happens.....

Good Feeling

2012-01-10T09:36:00.000-05:00

Oh, sometimes I get a good feeling, yeah
I get a feeling that I never never never never had before, no no
I get a good feeling, yeah
Oh, sometimes I get a good feeling, yeah
I get a feeling that I never never never never had before, no no
I get a good feeling, yeah -Etta James

This song is stuck in my head. It's contagious and makes me so happy! Songs like this are some of the best gifts we can find for ourselves.

Hug Someone

2012-01-09T17:19:00.000-05:00

I think a nice firm hug feels good. It energizes me. It makes me feel loved and secure- even if from a virtual stranger.

Studies show that affection given to children makes a huge difference in the people they become. It affects their body chemistry and ultimately, who they become in life and their physical as well as mental health.

As Frederick Douglass noted, “It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”

Check out this article here about the topic.

Anger

2012-01-07T10:00:00.001-05:00

"Anger is only one letter short of danger."-Ralph Waldo Emerson

How clever is that statement? Whenever I give in to my anger, it turns me into someone I don't like.

Grateful

2012-01-06T13:35:00.002-05:00

Be Yourself

2012-01-05T13:36:00.002-05:00

Second Chances

2012-01-04T21:43:00.001-05:00

I was at a Job Fair interviewing people through work a few months ago. These people were nervous and intimidated. I could tell they were a bit scared to be interviewing with anyone. The prospective candidates just finished a 10 week Good Will Training program successfuilly. Several of these candidates have been to jail or had drug problems in their past. I could tell they were ashamed and embarrass to mention or elude the gap in their resume.
I've reviewed thousands of resumes and interviewed hundreds of people for almost ten years. There isn't a way to be absolutely prepared for what I experienced that day. All I could do was acknowledge their checkered past without any shock or awe. I tried to make them laugh a bit to relax them. One woman was so appreciative of how much respect I offered her- she hugged me when we were done.
These people didn't grow up with the same opportunities as I had. They generally didnt have the same experiences as I did.
But I left feeling inspired by their determination to build something new for themselves. If they can fight to build a second future for themselves, I think we should consider the possibility that they deserve one.

Never Date Again

2012-01-03T21:10:00.000-05:00

"Marie: Tell me I'll never have to be out there again.
Jess: You'll never have to be out there again."
- When Harry Met Sally

I can't wait until the above is my reality. Dating is often the most exhausting thing to contemplate. Honestly, I have so much fun with my life and my friends and family, its hard to get excited about finding this person, who at this point, feels mythical.
---------
UPDATE: I wrote the above draft post in March of 2011, ten months ago. Never having to be out there again is feeling just as great as I thought it would.

I never posted the blog post before because it seemed pessimistic - and I couldn't find a hopeful spin to it. Just this past weekend, that quote came up in my head as I was blissfully running through my day. This time, it's for real. I never have to be out there again. Patience paid off.

Just Do It

2012-01-03T20:05:00.000-05:00

Want to impress someone?

2011-12-31T04:17:00.007-05:00

Don't try so hard. These folks came up 28 sure fire ways to make an impact. It's hard to do them all, but it gives you something to think about. I put areas that are my shortcomings in red....just to let you know I own the areas where I need improvement. It's a new year. But I don't believe in making New Years Resolutions. It's lame- make a commitment that you want to keep no matter what time of year it is.

Be authentic. Be true to yourself. – Judy Garland once said, “Always be a first rate version of yourself instead of a second rate version of somebody else.” Live by this statement. There is no such thing as living in someone else’s shoes. The only shoes you can occupy are your own. If you aren’t being yourself, you aren’t truly living – you’re merely existing. And ask yourself this: If you don’t like who you really are, why should I like you?
Care about people. – If you don’t genuinely care about people, they won’t care about you. The more you help others, the more they will want to help you. Love and kindness begets love and kindness. And so on and so forth.
Make others feel good. – People will rarely remember what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel.
Be honest and take ownership of your actions. – Nobody likes a liar. In the long-run, the truth always reveals itself anyway. Either you own up to your actions or your actions will ultimately own you.
Smile often. – Everyone likes the sight of a genuine smile. Think about how you feel when a complete stranger looks into your eyes and smiles. Suddenly they don’t seem like a stranger anymore, do they?
Respect elders. Respect minors. Respect everyone. – There are no boundaries or classes that define a group of people that deserve to be respected. Treat everyone with the same level of respect you would give to your grandfather and the same level of patience you would have with your baby brother. People will notice your kindness.
Address people by their name. – People love the sight and sound of their own name. So make sure you learn to remember names. Use them courteously in both oral and written communication.
Say “Please” and “Thank you.” – These two simple phrases make demands sound like requests, and they inject a friendly tone into serious conversations. Using them can mean the difference between sounding rude and sounding genuinely grateful.
Excel at what you do. – I am impressed by great guitarists, writers, bloggers, painters, motivational speakers, internet entrepreneurs, computer engineers, mothers, fathers, athletes, etc. There is only one thing they all have in common: They excel at what they do. There’s no point in doing something if you aren’t going to do it right. Excel at your work and excel at your hobbies. Develop a reputation for yourself, a reputation for consistent excellence.
Help others when you’re able. – In life, you get what you put in. When you make a positive impact in someone else’s life, you also make a positive impact in your own life. Do something that’s greater than you – something that helps someone else to be happy or to suffer less. Everyone values the gift of unexpected assistance and those who supply it.
Put a small personal touch on everything you do. – Think of it as branding your work. If you’re funny, add a little humor into it. If you’re an artist, decorate it with illustrations. Whatever you do, customize it with a little personal touch of ‘you.’
Over-deliver on all of your promises. – Some people habitually make promises they are just barely able to fulfill. They promise perfection and deliver mediocrity. If you want to boost your personal value in the eyes of others, do the exact opposite. Slightly under-sell your capabilities so that you’re always able to over-deliver. It will seem to others like you’re habitually going above and beyond the call of duty.
Get organized. – How can you get anything accomplished if you aren’t organized? You can’t. Make a regular habit of organizing your living space and working space. For some practical organizational guidance, I recommend David Allen’s Getting Things Done.
Do your research and ask clarifying questions. – Don’t be that clueless dude in the room who just nods like he knows what’s going on. Prepare yourself by doing research ahead of time. And if something still doesn’t make sense to you, ask questions. The people involved will respect your desire to understand the material.
Share knowledge and information with others. – When you can, be a resource to those around you. If you have access to essential information, don’t hoard it. Share it openly.
Be positive and focus on what’s right. – Everything that happens in life is neither good nor bad. It just depends on your perspective. And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should. Either you succeed or you learn something. So stay positive, appreciate the pleasant outcomes, and learn from the rest. Your positivity will rub off on everyone around you.
Listen intently to what others have to say. – Eyes focused, ears tuned, mobile phone off. In a world that can’t move fast enough, someone who can find time to listen to others is always appreciated.
Be faithful to your significant other. – Tiger Woods was everyone’s hero until recently, wasn’t he? Sustained fidelity in a long-term intimate relationship is not only impressive, it creates a healthy foundation for everything else you do.
Learn to appreciate and love Mother Nature. – Those who truly appreciate and love the natural world surrounding us typically exhibit the same high regard for all humanity. It’s a positive way to live, and it’s something people notice.
Invest time, energy and money in yourself every day. – When you invest in yourself, you can never lose, and over time you will change the trajectory of your life. You are simply the product of what you know. The more time, energy and money you spend acquiring pertinent knowledge, the more control you have over your life and the more valuable you will be to everyone around you. For fresh ideas on self improvement and lifestyle design, I recommend The 4-Hour Workweek.
Perform random acts of kindness on a regular basis. – Pay for a stranger’s coffee in line at Starbucks. Buy the office receptionist flowers just to say, “Thank you.” Help an elderly lady with her groceries. There’s nothing more rewarding than putting smiles on the faces around you.
Compliment people who deserve it. – Go out of your way to personally acknowledge and complement the people who have gone out of their way to shine. Everybody likes to hear that their efforts are appreciated.
Speak clearly and make eye contact. – Most people have a very low tolerance for dealing with people they can’t understand. Mystery does not fuel strong relationships and impressiveness. Also, there’s little doubt that eye contact is one of the most captivating forms of personal communication. When executed properly, eye contact injects closeness into human interaction.
Make yourself available and approachable. – If people cannot get a hold of you, or have trouble approaching you, they will forget about you. Your general availability and accessibility to others is extremely important to them. Always maintain a positive, tolerant attitude and keep an open line of communication to those around you.
Be self-sufficient. – Freedom is the greatest gift. Self-sufficiency is the greatest freedom. And self-sufficiency is quite impressive too. In the business world, it’s one of the primary dreams that inspire people to give-up their day jobs to pursue entrepreneurship.
Exploit the resources you do have access to. – The average person is usually astonished when they see a physically handicap person show intense signs of emotional happiness. How could someone in such a restricted physical state be so happy? The answer rests in how they use the resources they do have. Stevie Wonder couldn’t see, so he exploited his sense of hearing into a passion for music, and he now has 25 Grammy Awards to prove it.
Be a part of something you believe in. – This could be anything. Some people take an active role in their local city council, some find refuge in religious faith, some join social clubs supporting causes they believe in, and others find passion in their careers. In each case the psychological outcome is the same. They engage themselves in something they strongly believe in. This engagement brings happiness and meaning into their lives. It’s hard not to be impressed by someone who’s passionate about what they’re doing.
Stand up for your beliefs without flaunting them. – Yes, it is possible to stand up for your beliefs without foisting them down someone else’s throat. Discuss your personal beliefs when someone asks about them, but don’t spawn offensive attacks of propaganda on unsuspecting victims. Stand firm by your values and always keep an open mind to new information.

Fear of Dying (II)

2011-12-30T11:09:00.000-05:00

Evidence that there is something else out there, to give you a little hope:

perfect comeback

2011-12-29T00:55:00.001-05:00

I always want to say the right thing at the right time. It doesn't always happen and I hate that. Then again, maybe I should just keep my mouth shut more often.

Don't even bother

2011-12-28T00:39:00.000-05:00

Do you ever feel like you don't really feel like trying anymore? If so, Homer knows how you feel.

Then again, do you really want to take advice from this guy?

Tell me you love me

2011-12-27T22:02:00.000-05:00

I read this book a few years ago when I was in a relationship with someone whom I simply felt I couldn't relate to.

And then I read this- the five love languages. Voila! It made so much sense. What you want from someone may be completely different than what they are able to give to you. What you are able to give, may be completely different from what the other person wants. Therefore, you have to figure out what the other person you are in a relationship wants, and try to give that to them.

Consider this: perhaps you are in a relationship with someone that likes to give you gifts. That is how they let you know that they care about you. That is wonderful. But it's possible that you may be the type of person that wants to hear why/how/when they love you (that's me). If that's the case, let your person know what works for you, and determine what it is they are looking for as well.

Is Marriage Dead

2011-12-26T09:25:00.000-05:00

Everywhere I look I read about studies that prove that marriage is dead. But then I read an article like this and it makes me hopeful. There is a point. At least to some people.

Smoke signals

2011-12-22T18:10:00.001-05:00

When I was growing up- and really until a few years ago I believed that solving my problems on my own was the brave and adult thing to do. I believed that sharing my problems was the equivalent of a grave weakness and unacceptable. I didn't think it was appropriate to burden anyone, much less friends or family with my baggage. My pride kept me from what I needed the most which meant I was left alone and ultimately in silent torture for far too long.

It's taken me about six years of concerted effort to open up. To learn to lean on people and trust that they would be there for me and that they sincerely love me. That being said, recently when I had a confusing few days that left me out of sorts I didn't pretend everything was ok. I shared. I asked for an ear. I sent out the smoke signal. And what I received back was something short of out of this world and quite frankly far better than I could have hoped.

I woke up a particular morning a few weeks ago with two emails and a text of support and encouragement (one was from halfway across the world). These besties love me and care about me. And that gives me the courage to keep persevering. I need to allow myself to believe that and let myself lean on them. I'm more than happy to return the favor.

Don't forget to ask for what you need. If you never get your needs fulfilled it's probably because you needed to verbalize the request to the appropriate person that could grant you the fulfillment of that request.

Look under the cushions....

2011-12-22T00:01:00.000-05:00

84% of women and 74% of men choose to pick up coins off the ground
Each individual household in the United States has an average $90 of loose change lying around!

Do you ever catch yourself going down your path with your eyes peeled ahead- and don't take the time to look around you? I think the above is a good example of why it's important to check your surroundings every one in a while, just in case. You never know what you may find.

My sister is like this. She's the only person I know who is lucky enough to have found a hundred dollar bill once. Then, about 10 years later she found a ring in a dressing room. Turned it into the lost and found at the department store. They kept her name in case the owner never came back for it. Months later, they called her and she retrieved the ring. Turns out it was worth something like $10,000. Seriously. Keep your eyes peeled.

Put Positivity Out There

2011-12-16T00:43:00.000-05:00

"Man has such powers that he can transmit good or evil to his environment. These matters are very delicate. Great care is needed. We need to see everything in a positive frame of mind. We mustn’t think anything evil about others. Even a simple glance or a sigh influences those around us. And even the slightest anger or indignation does harm. We need to have goodness and love in our soul and to transmit these things. "
-Elder Porphyrios

Happy Anniversary to me

2011-12-16T00:19:00.000-05:00

One of the best parts of anniversaries is being able to look back and recall a feeling of joy all over again- almost as though you are experiencing it for the first time.

Last year, on December 15th, I officially published my first blog post. It wasn't until awhile later that I allowed close friends to see what I was up to. I was concerned that they would judge me- that they may not understand where I was coming from. I've received nothing but support since the moment I told them about it. Although I will say that my mom is my #1 fan. She still leaves a comment after every single post I publish. That makes me feel special.

Most important, I still feel like the blog gives me an outlet. The biggest challenge is realizing that I may have "learned" something and then I come back and have to blog about it some more. Hopefully these life lessons will stick one day soon.

Where you going? Who are you with?

2011-12-14T02:44:00.000-05:00

"The great thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are moving." -Oliver Wendell Holmes

It should be noted that I've often contemplated the concept that it's not where you are, but who you are with that really matters. If those two items are valid, then one could assume that its who you are with and what direction you are headed that is imperative.

Move Around

2011-12-13T00:57:00.001-05:00

I want to go to there....all of there

Advice from an Old Dude

2011-12-12T14:26:00.000-05:00

From Rooney. Andy Rooney.
May his memory be eternal.

That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
That when you're in love, it shows.
That just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.
That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
That being kind is more important than being right.
That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.
That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
That money doesn't buy class.
That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
That the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?
That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
That love, not time, heals all wounds.
That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
That there's nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.
That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
That life is tough, but I'm tougher.
That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
That I wish I could have told my Dad that I love him one more time before he passed away.
That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.
That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.
That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all then happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
That it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life threatening situation.
That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

Respecting Your Elders

2011-12-09T00:35:00.048-05:00

I'm certain that at one point or another you've thought to yourself, "oh no...I'm turning into my mother/father!" This used to happen to me.

Now, when I realize I'm turning into my parents I smile to myself, and laugh a little. Maybe I may even shake my head. It's familiar and since I love and respect them (despite their shortcomings) it's almost like a little gift.

This picture on the top was taken at least 7 years ago of me and my mother. Back then, we weren't as close as we are now, so it was quite shocking to look at each other and all of the sudden realize that even physically, there were some apparent similarities.

The picture on the left was taken last summer at my best friend's wedding. Check out those twin noses! I never noticed that until yesterday. When I sent the picture to my mom her exact response was "OMG" and then a comment about her..... chest.

Blessings!

Paralyzing Thoughts

2011-12-08T00:05:00.001-05:00

Have you ever been unhappy with your life and felt paralyzed? You are so angry and confused that you don't know what to do. Perhaps, all you want to do is run away. Escape the realities of your frustrations?

I've been there, but have also been on the other end of a tough time. How did I do it?
I was able to look beyond the present condition of my life with the help of friends who confirmed what I already knew deep down. That life will not always be like it is today. I am in charge of creating the change I need to

Apparently, scientists have discovered that we are all horrible at making decisions and tend to make the same mistakes.

"Our inclination to sweat the small stuff runs very, very deep, and hurts our well-being. (To combat the tendency, the researchers offered a tip: setting a time limit on decisions in advance. Or, “step back from the decision … to maintain a more global focus.”)"

Time

2011-12-07T00:55:00.001-05:00

There is only so much of it we each have in the day. How we use it, is the real challenge. God gave each of us 86,400 seconds in a day.

As I get older I feel like time is moving by quicker and quicker. i don't know how its exactly possible, but I can tell you with certainty I feel as though there is less time in the day.

Which means (whether or not I'm right) we have to propritize how we spend our precious time. We can't do it it all . It's simply not possible.

Get in the spirit

2011-12-06T00:04:00.000-05:00

Someone asked me the other day if the holiday season made me happy. The truth is, I can't remember the last time I really enjoyed the season. In fact, I was even having trouble discerning what about it should be about. How does one get into the spirit these days? The balmy December weather hasn't been helping.

My friend suggested we get together, watch old holiday movies, make some Christmas cookies, listen to some Christmas music. All of these are good ideas. After our phone call, I took a candy cane down from my work Christmas treet and ate it. That started thawing me. Then, "Miracle on 34th Street" -the version that my sister and I love the best (with Dylan McDermott).

Don't Bring Them Down

2011-12-05T23:04:00.000-05:00

“Blowing out another's candle will not make yours shine brighter.”—Unknown

Have you ever hung out with a friend and all they could do was complain about how things weren't going their way? Thereafter, you felt like crap. Or worse, you tell them about something fun and amazing and wonderful, and all your friend can do is poke holes into your happiness.

That sucks (to be quite frank).

When that happens, I try to remind myself that the other person probably has something else going on that is making them irritable and unhappy. And then I try to get out of the conversation as fast as possible. If I'm the person that is bringing you down- you have my permission to tell me to shut up. That's all.

Don't give up

2011-12-04T17:58:00.000-05:00

I went to Pennsylvania this weekend to a Monastery. I visited back in August for a night to attend services and take a break from my life. This trip proved even more of the same. I visited with some good friends who share my faith - but are honest enough to admit they are, like me, still searching for understanding. That in and of itself is so refreshing to find from a friend- especially about something so tenuous as religion tends to be.

While driving up, I caught a brief glimpse of a spray painted graffiti sign on an over pass. I couldn't believe that I saw what I did. And I thought to myself, "was that message for me? I really needed to see that today." The sign read:

DON'T GIVE UP

Seriously? Yes. Ok, I won't. Thank you for the encouragement, graffiti artist.

The picture to the right was taken this morning at 6:30AM before I attended services. Behind the building on the hill is a cross, which is lit up during the dark. It looked so hopeful and gave me further encouragement not to give up.

What would you give....

2011-12-03T00:30:00.000-05:00

to be skinny (or skinnier, rather)?

I read an interesting article the other day which cited a study that was done asking the very same question. It turns out, most women wouldn't trade anything.

Another survey from Glamour found,
"Only 5 percent said they would be willing to give up five years of their lives, and three-quarters refused to give up dessert to be thinner forever. Fewer than half (41 percent) would pay $3,000 to be thin. Almost a quarter said they would not give up anything at all to slim down permanently."

This is contrary to what we know about women, which is why I find it fascinating. If we are willing to trade anyhing significant, when push comes to shove, then we should own it. Then we wouldn't feel so awful about our body image. We would accept that it is our choice.

Dreams without plans remain dreams. Dreams with plans become reality.

2011-12-02T00:37:00.000-05:00

Do you ever get overwhelmed with how many worthy charities there are out there? I do. I want to give, but it never seems like enough and I never really know what is going on with the money I give.

I was reading this article in the Wall Street Journal about the business of giving. Should charities and non-profits be run more like businesses? I think they should, but that's because that is the background I come from. Most people want measured results in order to see how productive their contributions truly are.

There needs to be a concrete plan that everyone strives toward. In my opinion, just because you have a well-intention ed cause, doesn't necessarily mean that you should place your treasured resources in their hands.

On another note, the psychology behind what motivates us to give is telling about how humanity operates. See here for further details.

Better than Expected

2011-12-01T00:25:00.001-05:00

A few weeks ago I was headed into work on a rainy icky day. All I wanted to do was get back in bed. My inner good girl wouldn't allow it. I had work to do- loose ends that needed to be tied up.

As I'm driving I get a phone call from my best friend. "What are you up to? " So I told her I was driving into work in awful rainy traffic. She was too. Then I asked her where she was in our fine sprawling city. She was 10 cars back. We were excited.

Given how massive our city is, and the sheer amount of people that are commuting at the same time, it's statistically improbable that we would run into each other. Which makes it far more thrilling. We were able to maneuver next to eachother so we could give eachother a virtual high five and a big hearty smile to start the day with. Awesome day.

Growing Up

2011-11-30T00:13:00.003-05:00

this was june of this year, and she already
looks older than this

My niece is 16 years younger than I am. Actually, 16 and a half years. I've helped raised her. I'm her god mother. I'd do anything for her- she' a part of me.

Now that she is 14 and a half going on 24 I feel the need to be present and available to help provide instruction, support and love when necessary. Then again, she thinks she needs my help less than she ever did. Talk about a conundrum.

The best part of her going through her teen angst with her is that I remember so vividly how awful it was for me. I try to give her first hand accounts of why following in my footsteps is a mistake. She may never listen, but I know one thing for sure- I am damn glad I grew up and I'm not stuck in that morass any more.

Christmas Time is here

2011-11-30T00:03:00.009-05:00

my christmas tree 2011

Days before Thanksgiving was even upon us, I felt like the rest of the world was trying to shove Christmas down my throat. I simply wasn't ready yet! But if there is one thing I know for sure, it's that the world doesn't stop just because I ask it to.

So, the day after Thanksgiving I went to the store, got some new ornaments to freshen up my fake tree. My niece came over and helped me put it together. It's a pretty good looking tree if I do say so myself.

I'll be working hard to stay in the Christmas spirit- full of cheer and good will. It's a challenge given how overwhelming all the details surrounding the holidays require.

While I'm waiting for Christmas, I'll find solace in Charlie Brown. He know's how confusing it all is.

Roots

2011-11-29T00:03:00.000-05:00

I have the privledge of being a part of a rich legacy of Greek ancestors. Three of my four grand parents were born here in the US. My great grandparents came here around 1914- almost 100 years ago. I have a great grand father who fought in World War I, a grand father who fought in World War II and a father that fought in the Vietnam War for our country. The ladies of my family have always been committed to helping those less fortunate. They are known for their charity work. Honor and generosity run in the genes.

In short, I'm proud to be a part of my family.

Last night my father was telling me about his father's family. They are from the island of Cephalonia -he hasn't been back in almost thirty years. He brought out these hand drawn family trees to describe who our family is. I was mystified. Sailors who fell overboard never to be seen again, a Priest who liked ladies more than he liked being a Priest, and lots of people with the same names. There's a lot of intrigue when you start digging into a few centuries worth of history. I loved it. Knowing where I come from makes me a better person.

Be the change

2011-11-28T23:44:00.000-05:00

Do you ever get the feeling that someone else came up with your brilliant idea right before you had the ability to act on said great idea? I have. Do you ever feel like you aren't able to do enough to help those who need it in a big way? I do. Daily!

Ghandi said, "Be the change you want to see in the world" which I believes you have to stand up and take action. There is no time for excuses or hypocrisy.

This gentleman certainly found a way to "be the change" in a simple, yet creative way. He gets the used soap from hotels, recycles it by breaking it down, has it reformed again, and brings it to Africa to help fight their simple problem. Clean hands reduces the rates of deaths associated with diarrhea 40%. As he says, "we're humans, we've gone to the moon and back, we can do this!" Amen.

Small town

2011-11-27T00:52:00.001-05:00

When I was younger I hated living in my boring small suburban home town. I wanted to be cooler. I wanted to live in a city where I could be more anonymous. That way, everyone wouldn't know my business. Now that I'm older my perspective has changed. This isn't the first (nor the last) time that my opinions changed with time, as I grow and re examine what I think I know to be true.

Today, at 9:30 in the morning I ran into my grand parents at the hair salon. I wasn't supposed to be there at that time but I moved my appointment last minute. I forgot that my grandmother has a standing hair appointment every Saturday morning. Plus, we use the same stylist and have for over 15 years.

What a treat to see them when I least expected!I could probably get my hair done closer to my current house, or even somewhere cheaper. However, todays surprise is one of the reasons why I like going back to my home town to get my hair done, my car washed, go to the bank, etc. It's familiar- and still my home.

Pain Inflicted Upon Ourselves

2011-11-26T00:54:00.001-05:00

Being hard on yourself is unproductive long term. There are so many other external factors out there in the world providing us with other reasons to be upset. But most of us do it anyway. I know I have, and I've done it for years for many different reasons. When I was a kid, I didn't have coping mechanisms to deal with how hard I was on myself, which meant I had to get my frustration and pain out. The only way that made sense was by trying to physically hurt myself.

It makes me sad to read about all the children that inflict harm upon themselves. They do it because they are hurt or afraid. They do it because they feel like they have no other option and they need to feel relief. It's an epidemic. I completely understand where kids are coming from. At least there is more visibility now to help the problem.

"One in 12 young people, mostly girls, engage in self-harming such as cutting, burning or taking life-threatening risks and around 10 percent of these continue to deliberately harm themselves into young adulthood."

This is the same demographic that goes on to commit suicide if they don't get help. There isn't a lot I can do as an individual, but perhaps it we are exposed to the dangers that are out there, we can keep the information in the back of our minds . Then maybe we can help if the situation arises.

How much is enough

2011-11-25T02:08:00.001-05:00

I've written before about how money can't buy you happiness. It's apparent, although I can honestly say that because I've been in a position where I haven't had two nickles to rub together and I've been in comfortable financial positions.

Based on recent studies, it appears as though the magic number is $75,000, even in large cities like New York City. Any more and the satisfaction levels flat line.

Further, the authors of the study "measured happiness along two axes—day-to-day emotional well-being and long-term "life evaluation." The key to the latter is setting realistic goals, but the key to the former is mostly having friends. “Emotional happiness is primarily social,” Kahneman says. “The very best thing that can happen to people is to spend time with other people they like.” (The "life evaluation" measure did continue to rise as income rose above $75,000, researchers note.)"
*This also explains why people are so happy when they like the people they work with.

Thank you world

2011-11-24T22:38:00.000-05:00

Gobble, Gobble! Happy Thanksgiving, my dear friends. It's a shame that we tend to allow the start of the holiday season to obscure what today is all about- being thankful for God's blessings.

I was hanging out with my six year old niece after dinner. I told her about a six year old I met in Guatemala when I was there a few weeks back. Gaby is also six years old. She's sweet, shy and full of joy. After my niece heard about Gaby, she immediately pulled out her art supplies to make a Christmas Card to send to Gaby. In it, she introduced herself and wished her a Merry Christmas. Then, she said she wished she could go to Guatemala to meet Gaby one day. It was the very sweetest Thanksgiving gesture- ever. It's even better coming from my six year niece and the reminder I needed to keep me on track.

P.S Yes, that is me with my cheesy grin in the picture. When I'm with kids, and especially when I'm helping others, I get this ridiculous cheesy grin. I think it shows that is when I'm at my best.

Feeling Overwhelmed?

2011-11-24T11:10:00.000-05:00

I'm certain I routinely use the word overwhelmed when I describe my life, what is going on and why I'm so darn distracted and busy. However, I may have decided to ban that word from my everyday vernacular. It's a crutch I lean on and simply don't need to. As we know, life comes down to choice. I've chosen to be busy.
I was reading a blog that suggested to....

"Back away from overwhelm. Because when you just utter that word, you cast doubt on your capacity to rise. You let angst flop on your couch. You fret that you might not have the resources to surmount obstacles or to seal the deal on your dream.

Ban "overwhelmed" from your vocabulary. Refuse it entry to your psyche. You’re bigger than that. Just be, you know, whelmed. Whelmed. Not at full capacity, rather, full of capacity."

Getting Stuck

2011-11-23T01:05:00.009-05:00

Sometimes i feel paralyzed. I can't make a decision, or I'm too tired to move, or I'm overstimulated and can't focus back on the matter at hand, and I think- " blerg! I'm stuck again!"

“One of the things I learned the hard way was that it doesn’t pay to get discouraged. Keeping busy and making optimism a way of life can restore your faith in yourself.”―Lucille Ball

According to this expert, if you are stuck, all it takes is starting with the easiest thing first. That will get you going. And as my dad is always telling me, "if you take care of the little things, the big things take care of themselves."

Defensive

2011-11-22T00:21:00.000-05:00

"Reject your sense of injury, and the injury itself disappears." -Marcus Aurelius

No one likes a defensive person on the other end of a conversation. It's a waste of time. If you are anything like me, you want to immediately tell the other person, "uh, the jig is up- we all know what is going on here." If the attitude persists, I want to physically maim the other person. I won't do it, but want to.

Call me out

2011-11-21T10:53:00.001-05:00

There's nothing like being called out about who you are in a friendly and loving way. I got the below email sent to me from a colleague whom I'm very close to. I laughed out loud immediately since I had just told her I wasn't all that much of a type of a Type A person. According to the below, I was wrong.

"Type A - KG

The theory describes a Type A individual as ambitious, aggressive, business-like, controlling, highly competitive, impatient, preoccupied with his or her status, time-conscious, and tightly-wound. People with Type A personalities are often high-achieving "workaholics" who multi-task, push themselves with deadlines, and hate both delays and ambivalence.

In his 1996 book, Type A Behavior: Its Diagnosis and Treatment, Friedman suggests that Type A behavior is expressed in three major symptoms: free-floating hostility, which can be triggered by even minor incidents; time urgency and impatience, which causes irritation and exasperation; and a competitive drive, which causes stress and an achievement-driven mentality. The first of these symptoms is believed to be covert and therefore less observable, while the other two are more overt.^[3] "

Loss of Inspiration

2011-11-20T01:13:00.000-05:00

All of the sudden I have a billion ideas of things to blog about. I feel like I need to get these feelings out or else they will burst out of me and I'll lose them. I find it interesting that all of the sudden I feel compelled to evaluate, consider, communicate- where has that been hiding for the past few months?

Eureka! I found it back in the part of my brain I've been too busy to access. This is the part of my brain that I have to hide in order to be more productive and efficient in other ways. This is the part of me that gets distracted and engaged in other thoughts and concepts. When that happens, I get off course. Since work has been all encompassing, I think I just put that part of my brain on vacation. Compartmentalism at its best. But we're back in action now.

Hoped you missed hearing from me as much as I missed writing.

Seasons Change

2011-11-19T03:17:00.000-05:00

"Live each season as it passes; breath the air, drink the drink, taste the fruit, and resign yourself to the influences of each." — Henry David Thoreau

(Note: I wrote this in early Nov, and failed to post it promptly. Now, it will be in the 30's at night and the 60's during the day). Fall is my absolute favorite time of year. However, this year, on the East Coast, and in particular, in Washington, DC, we have been rushing from Summer into Winter at a rapid pace. That, my friends, pisses me off. Why? Because I'm getting cheated out of a fabulous Autumn with easy breezes, the crisp smell of leaves falling, warm sunsets, etc. I love me some fall.

It's another reminder that you can't always get what you want or need. You simply have to need what you get and deal with it. Life isn't always as perfect as you desire.

Why I help homeless people.

2011-11-18T22:59:00.000-05:00

Note: this is me being all religious-y. This is why I help homeless people. This is why I don't try to evaluate if they really need the help, I just do it. I'll let God worry about whether or not the person is trying to take advantage of me. Did you know that 20-25% of homeless people suffer from mental illnesses, whereas the percentage of occurance in the rest of the population is 6?

Why am I telling you this? Because I had a debate with a few people about the merits of giving generously, freely and cheerfully. According to the Bible, "Each man (person) should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly, or under compulsion.” In my experience, a lot of people don't think the homeless deserve to be helped. I feel that is an ignorant approach to a very real problem.

Which leads me to something else that I read which inspired this post:
“Christians love one another. They never fail to help widows; they save orphans from those who would hurt them. If a man has something, he gives freely to the man who has nothing. If they see a stranger, Christians take him home and are happy, as though he were a real brother. They don't consider themselves brothers in the usual sense, but brothers instead through the Spirit of God. And if they hear that one of them is in jail, or persecuted for professing the name of their redeemer, they all give him what he needs. If it is possible, they bail him out. If one of them is poor and there isn't enough food to go around, they fast several days to give him the food he needs. This is really a new kind of person. There is something divine in them." From a report given by a pagan official, Aristides, to the Emperor Hadrian (117-138 AD), who was seeking justification to outlaw Christianity

Smiling Big

2011-11-17T22:59:00.001-05:00

While I was taking a break during work today, I showed a colleague some pictures from my trip to Guatemala. I was in Guatemala last week by the way. That is one of the reasons why I hadn't posted in awhile. The other reason was that work has been even more crazy than usual. As an aside, do you ever notice how much work you have to do before and after a vacation? It makes it seem (almost) as though vacations are a waste.

So, back to the pictures- after she saw them she made a comment. She recalled the pictures I showed her from my trip last year to Korea. On that trip, I helped children learn English. This year, I helped at an Orphanage. My mission was basically to give the children some love. The colleague said, "You know what KG? I think you are at your happiest when you are on your trips. I've never seen you smile bigger."

I was flattered. I think she's right. Check out that cheesy grin.

Sorrow Leads to Progress (unfortunately)

2011-11-16T13:26:00.000-05:00

Men can't ignore sexual abuse any more. When college football in the US gets involved with an unfortunate, horrific abuse scandal, our nation notices. It can't help but notice the travesty. And that may be the only good thing to come out of this horrible event.

Penn State, the school, and its Alumni and fans are embarrassed and upset to be associated with a former coach who is accused of abusing little boys he was supposed to be helping. It appears as though it was at least eight separate young men.

I was proud to see that there is a facebook campaign amongst Penn State Alumni to donate to RAINN- that is why our country is great. Despite hardship, folks look for a positive way to take action, even if it simply means donating a few dollars. At this point, they are already raised about $500K in less than a week. And that, my friends, is impressive.

In addition, I really appreciate how outraged Alums are- check out Lavar Arrington going off about the situation, here:

Gabby Giffords is the bravest broad around

2011-11-16T13:10:00.002-05:00

When I think about Gabby Giffords, the Congresswoman who was shot through the brain last January, I get overwhelmed. She was beautiful, smart, vibrant and well intentioned. That much is obvious, despite your political leanings.

She has been to hell and is on her way back which is evidenced by the recent video report on 20/20 noting her progress. She still has quite a way to go to recover, but her drastic improvement over the past 11 months is astonishing to the experts- a doctor even noted that sometimes you have to believe in "miracles" with regard to these matters.

What makes me irate, is that Sarah Palin's team published a map of the US and Gabby's district in Arizona was one of the locations where cross hairs were placed. That is also the exact same location where someone first shot at her local District Office, and later, shot her and killed six other people in the process. The heading of the graphic notes, "It's time to take a stand" and that is literally what was done.

Our political system is destroyed. Our politicians are selfish- they care more about getting re-elected and stubbornly sticking to their guns in order to do so, rather than working together to help us.

High Five for everyone

2011-11-14T11:54:00.000-05:00

Check this out.... this is a great way to start a day. The smiles on people's faces are infectious. You can't help but be happy when you see someone else going out of their way to put a smile on someone else's face. Try it some time...and then tell me what happens to you:

Be Kind

2011-10-30T22:32:00.000-04:00

I had the most adorable conversation with my 6 year old niece yesterday about friendship. She was telling me about a birthday party she was going to that afternoon. I asked her if it was a good friend of hers and she said, "erm, no." When I asked why, she told me that this girl was rude and pushy- she liked everything her way. Then I asked why she was still going to the birthday party she said, "well, I'm hoping if I'm nice to her she'll learn how to be nice back."
Touche, dear niece. These kids have it figured out. Check out this video below:

full of joy

2011-10-26T23:41:00.000-04:00

This morning I stopped by my sister's house on the way to work. I had to drop something off real quick. But as soon as I stepped foot in her house, the same thing happened which always happens when I stop by: I get pulled in. Big sister has three adorable little kids, so her house is full of activity.

This morning, the youngest baby M (she's 13 months) was around. As soon as she saw me she smiled and reached for me shyly. She was playing with my phone and walking around the room. When she came back around the corner toward us she was already smiling, ear to ear. Why she was already smiling, I have no idea. Maybe she was getting ready because she knew we'd be waiting for her. The best part was her smile was so big, so joyous, so sincere and loving, every single muscle in her face was working to create a dazzling smile with huge dimples jumping out at me. It couldn't have gotten any bigger.

Boy did I feel special. One amazing smile, just for me. (note: this smile is just her regular, hello! smile)

Ingenuity

2011-10-23T19:15:00.001-04:00

Where there is a little will, there is a big big way, to affect the world. I'm continuously amazed by how one person, or one idea can shift the contours of the world.

Take a look at this video, which shows how one ingenious idea is changing thousands of people's lives in a remote village.

Just Do It

2011-10-22T19:15:00.000-04:00

"Now and then it's good to pause in our pursuit of happiness and just be happy."
— Guillaume Appollnaire

When I'm going through the daily grind, it's all I can do to remember everything I should be doing every day. That's probably the reason I keep lists, and lists of lists. I do it for my personal life, for work stuff, for house cleaning, errands-everything.

Keeping my life in order, keeps me calm. I think you can read between the lines- I like to be in control. When I'm in control, I'm fairly content. The only problem, is when I'm working hard to remember all the stuff I have to do, and actually do all the things that I remember to do, I lose sight of the prize. The big prize is being just happy in the moment.

Flattery will get you....

2011-10-21T00:38:00.000-04:00

I think it's safe to say that flattery will truly get you everywhere, or at least pretty far. Seriously. It doesn't matter what the exact point of adulation may be- it always feels pretty great. Especially if it's unexpected.

This morning I was getting my teeth cleaned and my dentist (who's seen me for about twenty years) told me that I had excellent teeth. If fact, they were so superb they should be models for other dentists. Would I rather that he say I was beautiful? Sure.

But having great teeth ain't bad either. I still left with a bit of an extra hop to my step for the rest of the day.

Miss me?

2011-10-20T00:44:00.000-04:00

It's been almost a week since I last posted- sorry! I know, I know. I've missed you.

Anyway, I was at dinner tonight with some friends. The conversation steered toward death. Someone knew someone who knew someone who's sister passed away at 25. I immediately thought, "wow, what would it be like to pass away so young?" And then I thought, "what would people say at my funeral?"

Selfishly, I hope they say nice things. But at the end of the day it doesn't matter. I'll be long gone and the folks that I leave behind are the ones that will suffer. Who can really waste their time wondering what will happen in the future, when there is so much to be done right now?

Good Deeds

2011-10-14T00:18:00.004-04:00

You probably already saw this in the news last month, but I couldn't help but mention the incident that happened in Utah. A college student was trapped under a burning car after his motorcycle crashed into it.

The best part was what happened right after. A small group of people, who seconds before were disparate strangers banded together to lift a car up. Then helped save the the motorcycle driver's life that day. They didn't have to get involved. But they did. Say yes to helping out in big ways and small.

Winning

2011-10-13T00:55:00.000-04:00

You've got to get to the stage in life where going for it is more important than winning or losing. - Arthur Ashe

If you see something...say something

2011-10-07T00:05:00.001-04:00

If you are one of the two or three people that read my blog every day you know that I just moved into my new office on the second floor of a building in an emerging neighborhood. What does that mean? That means that I am in love with my new space and get easily distracted by the people that are walking by down below, to and from the park. It also means that I'm in the middle of the inner city.
(side note, that's Duke over there, snuggling with me awhile back as I worked)
This evening I was chatting with my favorite colleagues. Work Bestie (an ardent dog lover) heard a dog barking incessantly. The more I listened, it sounded like the dog was panicked. We both hustled over to the windows and couldn't believe our eyes. A woman was trying to walk a pit bull toward the park on the street below. It was resisting her and she was whipping the dog on it's head with her leash. Repeatedly. I was in shock, but I remember both of us saying, "we gotta do something! Is someone going to stop her? She does NOT know how to train a dog- I hope that dog bites her."

Then I started hollering, "open the window, open the windowwwww!" Thankfully, we were with a burly man who could lift up the heavy thing. As soon as it opened work bestie hollered "HEY YOU...STOP HURTING THAT DOG!" Wouldn't you know it, the lady actually barked back "I'm trying to get the dog under control. I have four other dogs. I know what I'm doing. Mind your own business!" I finished by hollering "go learn how to properly train your dog!" She grumbled off but we didn't see her hitting the poor dog anymore.

I have no idea what will happen to that dog, but what I know for sure is that every single time she touches that dog, she is undoubtedly going to look over her shoulder. She's going to second guess herself. That's because we said something. Next time, I'm going to follow her home on the DL and call the Humane Society.

A whale of a tale

2011-10-06T00:35:00.000-04:00

Disclaimer: I saw this from a stupid forward, but I enjoyed reading it:

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.
They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.
They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?
They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.
We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.
Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

Steve Jobs knew how to live

2011-10-05T21:29:00.000-04:00

'Remembering That You Are Going To Die Is The Best Way I Know To Avoid The Trap Of Thinking You Have Something To Lose' -Steve Jobs

I've written about dying before. I don't mean to be fatalistic when I think it's crucial to remember that life is short. I think it frames our perspective better.

Steve Jobs passed away today. He was brilliant. More importantly, he was more than the man behind the technology we are addicted to today: computers, ipods, iphones, ipads,etc. He was wise. I remember seeing this video of a commencement speech he gave a while back. He spoke about trusting your gut or karma in order to learn to follow your heart toward the future. It's important, he said, to remember, "you can't connect the dots looking forward- you can only connect the dots looking backwards."

According to Jobs, one of the keys to living well, is to "do what you believe is great work- love what you do. keep looking and don't settle. It gets better and better as the years go on." In conclusion, he said, "don't waste your life living someone else's dreams." Here, here!

Do your part

2011-10-01T00:19:00.000-04:00

I don't understand why people don't recycle. It' s easy and it makes sense.

When I went to Europe in 2006 one of the first things I noticed was how environmentally sensitive everyone was over there. Recycle bins were everywhere. There were motion sensors on the common area lights so they would turn off when not in use (to save energy and costs). Check out this blurb about the "greenest building on earth" These things simply make sense.

Taking care of the world we live in shouldn't be construed as some political issue. This planet is our home and its our job to take care of it, and that includes not littering, keeping in mind that there is only so much clean water, and far too much waste being produced.

In the next year, I hope to start composting. My mom will this think that it's crazy. But I think it will be super cool. So will Duke- he will probably try to roll around in the compost.

Little Boys Can't Cry

2011-09-30T00:48:00.001-04:00

Last week I was at my adorable baby niece's first birthday party. There were tons of kids there. I was overwhelmed by all the chaos, so I steered clear as much as possible. While I was eating some birthday cake I observed the natives- it was quite disturbing. Numerous times, I saw dad's tell their sons to "toughen up," "HEY, that's unacceptable," "No whining!" The girls did not get the same type of treatment.

I know this is reiterating what we already know is true, but seeing it in action made me sad. No wonder boys grow into men who are afraid or unable to communicate about their feelings or problems. They are told from a young age to suck it up.

If I ever have kids, I'll try to be fair about the gender stereotypes that parents typically enforce. It seems like its an ongoing struggle not easily overcome.

Why being a woman is hard work

2011-09-29T00:35:00.001-04:00

We still live in a man's world. Period. I barely consider myself a feminist by political standards - but I'm an absolute proponent that life should be fair. I realize that makes me sound naive, but I'm allowed to be an idealist at times.

Men will never understand the challenges the women face. We have to balance life in a way that men never have to consider. We are continuously questioned and it is assumed that we are weaker. I feel that it is necessary to understand the meaning of compromise in order to be a woman in the work place. It's impossible to make it work otherwise.

When I look at my colleagues who have wives, I'm jealous. I wish I had a significant other for that reason. Because I know how much women manage, even if they are working full time themselves. Women get stuff done, period. We expect that life will be challenging and that we will have to wear multiple hats at all times. Without help, I simply can't get my personal life in order.

Shoot, even the White House, with liberal leadership, experiences the gender inequality, according to this recent article. Further, it was noted that,

"...Part of the problem is that women's worth is consistently undervalued by others. A March 2010 study by the American Association of University Women found that among postdoctoral applicants, women had to publish three more papers in the most prestigious journals, or 20 more in the less-prestigious ones, to be considered as productive as male applicants."

Too much stuff

2011-09-28T00:41:00.003-04:00

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by your possessions? Or perhaps, by the necessity to have things, put things places, get rid of things, fix things, get things, etc? Consumerism! Talk about a cluster f/$*it show.

I'm no hoarder, but I've been known to hold on to things long after their utility expired. I have to force myself to donate or throw away at times. Often, it's items that have sentimental value that are the hardest to deal with. The physical remembrance shouldn't matter, our memories are the most important reminder we need in life.

Which brings me to my point. What if we only had 130 square feet of living space? I'm so beholden to my possessions I couldn't FIT into a space that small. However, I feel sheer excitement when I think about the possibility of living in a small space- less space, less problems, less chores, less utility usage. Less. Which means more potential contentment.

Oh, by the way, this 16 year old kid, is taking into consideration smart living (as in environmentally friendly) and low cost living (so he doesn't get caught in a situation where he has a mortgage he can't afford). Smart!

Dream Big

2011-09-27T00:16:00.000-04:00

Have you ever shared a dream with someone? A big dream- something that took a long time to achieve? The hard work you put forth often left you feeling like there was absolutely no way it was worth it? Or that the length of time (in my case over five years) felt like an eternity?

I have been scheming and dreaming and working hard to build something. My dream has been to build an office building so my colleagues can have a great space to work hard in.

In fact, I have a drawing hanging on the wall in my office which I drew in crayon when I was 6 years old. In the drawing I am standing next to my dream office building I would build with my dad. Twenty years later, I started making my dream come true. Technically, this is work. But my heart has been in this project for a long, long time.

I wouldn't have been able to do this without the help of a lot of really talented people. If I had to do it over again, I would make some changes, but I wouldn't trade in the experience for the world. Plus, I've been able to build this with my dad, which is really gratifying.

I moved in today, and it felt so great. When my dad came in to visit me, I saw him taking in the view- me, sitting behind my big girl desk, working hard. He was proud and excited. Automatically, without saying a word, we both raised up our hands and gave each other a high five and grinned like school kids. Then we giggled. Our dream is a reality. Wahoo!

Unbelievably Rude

2011-09-26T00:58:00.000-04:00

I woke up this morning frantic because I remembered calling my friend whom I was supposed to get together with and telling her to just meet me at our golf lesson- I was running late. Somehow, I slept in til10:45 and I had to be downtown by 11AM. I was running late.

Except that was a dream. What wasn't a dream, was how mean spirited the golf coach was. It was almost unbelievable. I didn't know what to do. I felt like this man was chastising me as though I was a petulant child who peed on his leg out of spite. No matter what we did, he would criticize. Mind you, I have only been playing for less than a year, and I'm not that bad.

I'll be honest, given that I went there to learn from an expert, the best thing I took away from the experience was laughter (because you better believe we laughed our rears off for the rest of the day, in disbelief because of this guys horrible bedside manner) and to choke up on my wedge when I'm using that iron on the ruff. Other than that, I felt emotionally abused.

Where do these people come from? Apparently, some people don't understand that you teach by example, not through intimidation. Especially not for several 30-50 year olds who are your employer for 50 minutes of their precious time.

The world just got a whole lot smaller

2011-09-25T01:53:00.000-04:00

I saw the most amazing thing a few days ago and all I could do was marvel at the beauty of the world. The images (see video below) were time lapsed from pictures and turned into something that is absolutely one of the most stimulating pieces I have seen. The birds eye view of our planet impresses me. It also makes Earth seem quaint -almost.

Then again, I have at least 30 more places I want to go on my life list in the next 10 (or 20) years. I better get on it.

Can you justify your mean

2011-09-24T22:46:00.000-04:00

I was in a meeting at my church this past week. Someone said something I found pretty repulsive. He didn't want us to pray for people of other religions. More specifically, he believes the doctrine of our faith, strictly adhered to indicates that Priests can't pray for anyone of another faith at the alter. Seriously. That doesn't seem to be how I perceive my benevolent and loving God.

It's true- I pick and chose who I think my God is. Do I think I'm 100% right? I have no idea. But then again, I don't think anyone else can say they do with absolute authority either.

What I'm wondering is if this gentleman is cleaving to some archaic interpretation to justify his frustration and anger at those who don't share his exact beliefs? If so, I don't think holding onto that approach is going to get us any closer to getting on the same page. And that's my ultimate goal (or hope).

Good thing I didn't say any more than I already did from my soap box- I have a tendency of not being able to keep my opinions to myself when I feel like someone is picking on someone else.

Quick Rituals for a Better Day

2011-09-23T01:28:00.001-04:00

Write an “Ignore List”

I'll admit it, I have to-do lists for my to-do lists, to re-priorize things. I've even written things on to-do lists that I had accomplished along the way, just to bolster the sensation that I had accomplished more. But that's what the crazy happens- I start getting obsessed with the to-do lists. Not good.

"Most people have a to-do list, but to succeed in today’s distraction-prone world, you also have to ask yourself: What’s not worth doing? Jot down what you’re willing to disregard—e-mails you have no intention of responding to, vacuuming, the guilt of not vacuuming. Review the list from time to time to make sure that nothing on it is getting your undeserved attention."

This is from "Real Simple" a magazine which I love. What a great reminder.

80/20 Rule

2011-09-22T01:52:00.000-04:00

I think I need to read this book, which was a recommendation from my friend:

"From the man who energised legions of people with the 80/20 phenomenon comes a proven, practical programme for anyone who wants to achieve extraordinary results without extraordinary effort. With his first mega-bestseller, The 80/20 Principle, Richard Koch applied a century-old economic principle—80 per cent of results come from 20 per cent of our efforts—to show companies how to drive business performance. The 80/20 Individual showed how to release the potential of the 80/20 principle in the workplace. Living The 80/20 Way applies Koch’s less is more and more with less ideas to your best 20 per cent in everyday life: how to get work you enjoy, how to build stronger relationships with family and friends, and how to unmask the mystery of money."

This certainly changes my perspective regarding effort, and how it's applied.

Work / Life Balance

2011-09-20T00:00:00.000-04:00

"The supreme accomplishment is to blur the line between work and play." - Arnold Toynbee

This is a great quote- but seemingly impossible! But when that line is blurred, the days go by a whole lot quicker. And that, makes me a happy camper.

Dog People

2011-09-19T12:54:00.000-04:00

I'm a dog person- as soon as I see a dog I smile and instantaneously feel filled with joy and contentment. Today, a friend sent me this link, and I was laughing and smiling.