Sunday, March 20, 2011

Coincidence?

I heard the most amazing lecture this past weekend.  It was about a lot of things, but one of the best take aways was a conversation about coincidence.  Do you believe in it?  I've come to realize in the past few years that coincidence doesn't exist.  I use to hate it when people said things like "everything happens for a reason" or "what's meant to be will be."  But expressions like that gain popularity for a reason. They are true!  This is a continuation of an ongoing conversation I have about "why bad things happen to good people."

The lecturer suggested an exercise to further explain the probability that "coincidence" brings us to the place where we were meant to end up.  All you have to do is write down a list of five things that have happened in your life which were coincidences which led to a much better/different outcome than ever would have happened.

Here are my five:
1) Had a bad experience that happened to me long ago never happened, my whole life would be dramatically different.  I know this inherently.  I wouldn't have achieved what I have. I wouldn't be as strong and determined as I am.  And I never would have struggled to find solace in my spirituality as I have now.
2) I had to take pre-requisites before I could start grad school.  Similarly, CMC, my bestie from grad school  never received her acceptance letter to our program so ended up starting it YEARS later than she would have. She sat next to me at orientation and we've basically been best friends ever since.  My life wouldn't be as great without her.  I can honestly say that grad school was enjoyable because of our friendship.
3) In July of 2005, a week after breaking up with my boyfriend, I impulsively decided to get a dog.  I was lonely, and never would have thought of doing so if I was still with him.  Duke is one of the best things that happened in my life.
4) I was determined to be nothing like my dad.  I decided I wanted to work in the world of Int. Relations by the time I graduated undergrad. I got a fairly prestigious internship.  I was very good at it, but very surprised to find myself bored, and coming up with ways for them to improve their business model.  When no one wanted to hear a 22 year old's ideas, I asked my dad for a temporary job until I figured out what to do next. I've been working for him now for almost nine years.  Had I never worked for him, I would have never healed our relationship and gotten to know and respect him as a peer and a friend.
5) On April 15, 2005, a business deal I was working terribly hard on fell apart.  I was devastated and thought our business was going to fall apart.  My dad told me to keep the faith (of which I had none at the time), and everything would work out.  It did, and the outcome was immeasurably better than the original concept we had conceived.

The speaker I heard has written a few books about Christian mystical spirituality, the kind the Eastern Orthodox faith still teaches and believes in, but isn't often discussed.  The concepts are somewhat akin to how Buddhists generate their meditative methods, except they are from a Christian perspective.  He writes:

"Therefore, what seems to be true about the universe," I concluded, "must also be true about our own lives. After all, we are an integral part of this wondrous universe. Based on this premise, our life cannot be accidental, but, as the Eastern Orthodox Christian elders insist, it is governed by spiritual laws set down by Providence within eternity.