Coulda Shoulda Woulda...

Duke (left) and Metro (right) helping me work from home

It's fair to say that I have a long lasting love affair going on with animals.  Big time.  Further, I got Duke when I was going through some rough times, and he always seemed to know how to distract me from my blues, or show me that he loved me and would never leave my side.  Sometimes, I think Duke thinks that it's his job to take care of me (which is really bad dog parenting as I'm supposed to be in charge at all times).

Anyway, you can imagine how awful I felt when I went to a routine vet appointment this past weekend and found that my boy had lost 10 lbs in 6 months, or 20% of his weight.    I immediately asked him what was going on and expected an answer back.

As I pet him, I immediately found a tennis ball sized growth on his neck.  I panicked.  N was with me (he's also a huge pet lover), and immediately went into KG support mode.  The vet checked Duke out and said it may be a reaction to an infection or maybe even.... cancer, which is my worst fear. I just heard about an acquaintance who had to put her 6 year old pit bull mix, Bella, down a few weeks ago because of a fast growing cancer. May she rest in peace!

After the doctor took the sample of the area, he found what appeared to be an infection as a result of an insect bite.  The pathology reports come back in a few days so i'm still worried.

Those 15 minutes were the worst.  I started crying.  N was worried for me and told me we would do whatever we needed to help Duke.  I kept wondering how I didn't notice sooner, and thought about how awful a mom I was.  All the coulda, shoulda, woulda inner dialogue just hasn't really quit.  I can't change the past but my mistake can inform my future.  I'm going to be more observant to ensure that my fellas that can't speak to me are understood as best I can moving forward.  Besides, I doubt they would even consider living with regret.