" I remember two things from the funeral circuit: bottomless dishes of free mints and my father saying on the ride home, "You can't come in without going out, kids. Always go to the funeral."
"Always go to the funeral" means that I have to do the right thing when I really, really don't feel like it. I have to remind myself of it when I could make some small gesture, but I don't really have to and I definitely don't want to. I'm talking about those things that represent only inconvenience to me, but the world to the other guy. You know, the painfully under-attended birthday party. The hospital visit during happy hour. The Shiva call for one of my ex's uncles. In my humdrum life, the daily battle hasn't been good versus evil. It's hardly so epic. Most days, my real battle is doing good versus doing nothing."
-by DEIRDRE SULLIVAN
Over the years I've been to so many funerals and wakes. The one I remember the most is my grand mothers. It wasn't during the ceremony I remember. It was the after part. My extended family got together and had a good time. We laughed and enjoyed the memory of my unique and creative Grandmother. We told stories about her and her sisters. My dad and his siblings seemed sad but happy she was no longer in pain. The conflict they always seemed to battle among themselves was put aside for the short few days.
Oh boy how we laughed! We laughed so hard I remember my cheeks hurting and my belly aching. It felt good to have that joyful yet physical reminder to celebrate her memory.
The other memory I hold close to me is of the funeral I never attended. The daughter of my parent's best friends died when I was about 9 years old. She was like a big sister to me, and babysat us often. She was only 21 when she passed away leaving her bright future behind. Her smile and laugh was infectious. She had a way about her that just made people happy. I will never forget her, or the fact that I was too scared to see her at the wake or funeral. I still regret it.
No more. I always go to the wake at least. I always get it up for those who suffer a loss. N does too. That's just how he is and I love we have that in common. Just showing your face has to be enough for that moment, when nothing else is.
