I've often wondered how 50/50 marriages are these days. My parent's relationship never seemed to be terribly 50/50 by my standards. As an adult, I know their relationship has informed my expectations. I look at aspects of their relationship I like and don't. Then I apply that to how I want my relationship with N to be (or not). I do the same when I examine my sister's marriages or my friends.
I observe things. That's just how I am. I've always been this way. I sit back and watch. I analyze what is going on, and I (typically) cautiously apply that information in the best way I know how. In hindsight, this reads as though I'm judging them, and that isn't true most of the time.
For example, my Dad took care of everything outside of the house. My mom took care of everything in the house, except for major household repairs. My mom paid the household bills. My dad made money. My mom took care of the lion's share of raising my sisters and I. Their gender roles are typical of what society looked like 30+ years ago when they had me.
My life is very different from theirs. I follow along with both of their traits and I have for over a decade. I work and make my own money. I take care of my house, or pay someone to resolve problems I can't on my own. I cook for myself, do my laundry, dishes and even cut my grass and take care of small repairs.
I once had a male employee of mine tell me that I was too self-sufficient which would intimidate men. Therefore, he presupposed, I would never find a man. Wrong, idiot.
N comes from the same type of family structure that I do for the most part. But he understands that while I'm capable of doing all those things, I expect him to pitch in. It's simply not fair otherwise. And if he's not fair, I'll get resentful. I don't expect him to do every single thing 50% every day. I do expect him to make an effort. Interestingly, this is supported by this article I read about statistics which show there is a link between couples, their sex life and household chores. Check it out.
