I found it so interesting to hear a story about someone who could barely conceive of what freedom outside the walls of a prison could be- but sought it out anyway. We all want to be free. It's in our DNA.
Check this out:
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Monday, June 24, 2013
Parenting Imperfections
Tips for parenting (im)perfections:
1. Lower your standards for cleanliness and order.
2. Did that? Lower them even more.
3. Your house will never look like a magazine spread, period. Embrace that.
4. No matter how many baskets you buy to contain toys, they will always be visible. Embrace the Toys ‘R Us/ frat house-chic decor.
5. You can never have too many popsicles in the freezer. How many bad moods have been fixed by a simple popsicle?
6. If you can’t change them, change your perspective. For example I read recently– probably on Satan’s website Pinterest– that toothpaste is great for cleaning things like faucets. So now when I go into the bathroom every day and see toothpaste splatter all over the bathroom faucet I think about how my children have done half the chore of cleaning for me. How considerate of them! Then I wipe it off while cursing.
7. Those chores that no one ever wants to do. Decide if you would rather do it yourself, badger your child to it, or let it go. If you are confused about what to do, see Number 1 on this list.
8. No one cares what is stuffed under your child’s bed, why should you. Unless it is old food. In that case, you should get a dog.
9. If you have boys, your bathroom will always faintly stink like pee. Invest in some Febreeze and count down the days until they move out and you can go visit them and pee on their bathroom floor.
10. Don’t buy white furniture. Unless you enjoy screaming at your children every time they go near it.
11. However bad a situation might seem, one day it will be funny. I have a few for which I am eagerly awaiting for the funny to kick in. Any time now….
12. When your child is a young teen there will be nothing more embarrassing than your very existence. Use this to your advantage. Start planning early.
13. Do not paint any walls in your house with flat paint.
14. Be okay with letting your kids stumble sometimes. Whether that is turning in an assignment late because they didn’t do it or wearing an outfit so hideous you have trouble looking at them without laughing.
15. Noise cancelling headphones are great for blocking out whining, bickering and the endless episodes of Sponge Bob.
16. Socks do not have to match. Every day is Crazy Sock Day at my house, which is infinitely better than Crazy Mom Day.
17. The crayons will break and it is okay to throw them away rather then save them to make some sort of craft that involves the hair dryer. In fact, I give you permission to not feel guilty about all the crafts you know you will never do.
18. Your children will not die from eating the occasional hot dog or frozen pizza. And by occasional I mean more than you are really willing to admit.
19. If your children are driving you crazy arguing with each other, start an argument with them. Then your children will bond over their mutual hatred of you and be quiet.
20. Children do not appreciate top sheets or high thread counts. Buy neither.
21. Homework time is the worst time of the day. Help your kids and yourself by having a designated time and a quiet place to do homework. Preferably in a neighbor’s home.
22. Just say No to ironing.
23. Last, but not least, a glass of wine and some really bad TV makes everything seem a little better.
1. Lower your standards for cleanliness and order.
2. Did that? Lower them even more.
3. Your house will never look like a magazine spread, period. Embrace that.
4. No matter how many baskets you buy to contain toys, they will always be visible. Embrace the Toys ‘R Us/ frat house-chic decor.
5. You can never have too many popsicles in the freezer. How many bad moods have been fixed by a simple popsicle?
6. If you can’t change them, change your perspective. For example I read recently– probably on Satan’s website Pinterest– that toothpaste is great for cleaning things like faucets. So now when I go into the bathroom every day and see toothpaste splatter all over the bathroom faucet I think about how my children have done half the chore of cleaning for me. How considerate of them! Then I wipe it off while cursing.
7. Those chores that no one ever wants to do. Decide if you would rather do it yourself, badger your child to it, or let it go. If you are confused about what to do, see Number 1 on this list.
8. No one cares what is stuffed under your child’s bed, why should you. Unless it is old food. In that case, you should get a dog.
9. If you have boys, your bathroom will always faintly stink like pee. Invest in some Febreeze and count down the days until they move out and you can go visit them and pee on their bathroom floor.
10. Don’t buy white furniture. Unless you enjoy screaming at your children every time they go near it.
11. However bad a situation might seem, one day it will be funny. I have a few for which I am eagerly awaiting for the funny to kick in. Any time now….
12. When your child is a young teen there will be nothing more embarrassing than your very existence. Use this to your advantage. Start planning early.
13. Do not paint any walls in your house with flat paint.
14. Be okay with letting your kids stumble sometimes. Whether that is turning in an assignment late because they didn’t do it or wearing an outfit so hideous you have trouble looking at them without laughing.
15. Noise cancelling headphones are great for blocking out whining, bickering and the endless episodes of Sponge Bob.
16. Socks do not have to match. Every day is Crazy Sock Day at my house, which is infinitely better than Crazy Mom Day.
17. The crayons will break and it is okay to throw them away rather then save them to make some sort of craft that involves the hair dryer. In fact, I give you permission to not feel guilty about all the crafts you know you will never do.
18. Your children will not die from eating the occasional hot dog or frozen pizza. And by occasional I mean more than you are really willing to admit.
19. If your children are driving you crazy arguing with each other, start an argument with them. Then your children will bond over their mutual hatred of you and be quiet.
20. Children do not appreciate top sheets or high thread counts. Buy neither.
21. Homework time is the worst time of the day. Help your kids and yourself by having a designated time and a quiet place to do homework. Preferably in a neighbor’s home.
22. Just say No to ironing.
23. Last, but not least, a glass of wine and some really bad TV makes everything seem a little better.
Friday, June 21, 2013
Greeks are pretty happy
By now, you should know I'm Greek. I'm proud of it. Seeing the economic challenges that Greece, the country, has experienced recently are challenging and frustrating.
Greeks are the second happiest country in the world. Even after all the challenges they face. Now THAT is impressive.
Greeks are the second happiest country in the world. Even after all the challenges they face. Now THAT is impressive.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
What a memorial!
God willing, one day, I want to be remembered by my children as this woman is. Clearly, she was adored.
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Don't encourage the stick thin stereotype
Someone who says no to the expectations of her work culture - check this out:
She doesn't put stick thin starving super models in her Vogue, and was made to feel poorly by her mother for being pudgy as a child.
Good for you Alexandra Shulman. Good. For. You. P.S I too, love potatoes.
She doesn't put stick thin starving super models in her Vogue, and was made to feel poorly by her mother for being pudgy as a child.
Good for you Alexandra Shulman. Good. For. You. P.S I too, love potatoes.
I can't tell you how many people told me that "marriage is hard work!" after I got engaged, before the wedding, and after. I get it. Now, I try to think of ways to mitigate the eventual strive that lays ahead. Here's an article I read with some ideas:
1. Daily Touch: Don't let the sun set on the day before you at least touch your spouse. Whether it be a kiss, a high-five, holding hands, a hug, or a back scratch — humans need physical contact, it's one of our most basic needs! No matter the type of touch, make it last for 30 seconds. Any kiss over five seconds has wonderful possibilities.
2. Be Curious: Ditch the obligatory "How was your day?" and replace it with unique, thought provoking, open-ended questions. Demonstrating genuine interest in your partner and opening dialogue shows that you C.A.R.E. and enhances one of the joys of marriage — the sharing of lives.
3. Side With Your Partner: Nothing is worse than complaining about a stressful moment than to have your one true love see "eye-to-eye" with the enemy! Increase trust, partnership and the likelihood that your mate will confide in you in the future by taking his or her side during a vent-fest. Even if you agree with the "enemy" (such as your spouse always being late), save your honest feedback for another time.
4. Express Gratitude: At times, it's all too easy to make a laundry list of ways your spouse annoyed you. Chances are, your mate has contributed in at least one way that made your day a little easier or more enjoyable. Let them know how you appreciated him or her today.
5. Sleep Naked: It takes more time to put on your flannels than it does to slip into your birthday suit. In a recent survey, couples who slept naked reported more satisfaction with their sex life. It appears that removing the outer barrier (pajamas) is a quick secret to staying active under the covers.
6. Relive a Memory: When two people feel disconnected, it's important to remember what brought them together in the first place. Every now and again, share a memory from the courtship or an especially loving time. Relive a funny story, a touching moment, or look through some old photos.
7. Create New Memories: Boredom and predictable routine can suck the life out of any relationship. Lack of intensity can sometimes be confused as lack of intimacy. It's important to try new adventures and create new rituals of affection. Not all new memories need to be elaborate. For instance, just before going to bed, step outside to gaze upon the stars together or discuss your ideas for a future date night. 8. Listen to him or her: You may know your spouse better than anyone, but making assumptions regarding what the other person intends to communicate is a potentially damaging mistake. Instead of assuming what your spouse means, try asking more questions or simply reflecting back what you heard. For example: "I think you are saying..., Did you mean...?, etc."
9. Share a laugh: When things get tense, remember the humor in it all. Humor can reduce tension and lighten the mood. Think about what makes you and your spouse laugh and share it. Likewise, don't forget to laugh at his or her jokes, it's polite! According to research by John Gottman, sharing humor with your partner is one of the most effective ways to strengthen your relationship.
10. Expressions of loving-kindness: People in successful relationships treat others with love and kindness, expressed through kind thoughts, loving words, and kind actions. Think of the smile on your spouse's face when you post a loving sticky-note onto the car's dashboard or write a message via the steam on the bathroom mirror. L-O-V-E.
11. Flirt: If you want to emotionally and physically connect with your spouse, it's more likely to happen with some effort and dialogue. In other words, wear something special that you would on your honeymoon or behave like you're going on the first date. Couples who make an effort to mate, copulate! Also, couples who talk about sex have better sex and more of it! Don't know what to talk about?
12. Turn off the electronics: We live in a world of electronic overload: DVR, laptops, Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter, plus a plethora of i-Gadgets. Switch your whatchamacallit to the off position then do #11
2. Be Curious: Ditch the obligatory "How was your day?" and replace it with unique, thought provoking, open-ended questions. Demonstrating genuine interest in your partner and opening dialogue shows that you C.A.R.E. and enhances one of the joys of marriage — the sharing of lives.
3. Side With Your Partner: Nothing is worse than complaining about a stressful moment than to have your one true love see "eye-to-eye" with the enemy! Increase trust, partnership and the likelihood that your mate will confide in you in the future by taking his or her side during a vent-fest. Even if you agree with the "enemy" (such as your spouse always being late), save your honest feedback for another time.
4. Express Gratitude: At times, it's all too easy to make a laundry list of ways your spouse annoyed you. Chances are, your mate has contributed in at least one way that made your day a little easier or more enjoyable. Let them know how you appreciated him or her today.
5. Sleep Naked: It takes more time to put on your flannels than it does to slip into your birthday suit. In a recent survey, couples who slept naked reported more satisfaction with their sex life. It appears that removing the outer barrier (pajamas) is a quick secret to staying active under the covers.
6. Relive a Memory: When two people feel disconnected, it's important to remember what brought them together in the first place. Every now and again, share a memory from the courtship or an especially loving time. Relive a funny story, a touching moment, or look through some old photos.
7. Create New Memories: Boredom and predictable routine can suck the life out of any relationship. Lack of intensity can sometimes be confused as lack of intimacy. It's important to try new adventures and create new rituals of affection. Not all new memories need to be elaborate. For instance, just before going to bed, step outside to gaze upon the stars together or discuss your ideas for a future date night. 8. Listen to him or her: You may know your spouse better than anyone, but making assumptions regarding what the other person intends to communicate is a potentially damaging mistake. Instead of assuming what your spouse means, try asking more questions or simply reflecting back what you heard. For example: "I think you are saying..., Did you mean...?, etc."
9. Share a laugh: When things get tense, remember the humor in it all. Humor can reduce tension and lighten the mood. Think about what makes you and your spouse laugh and share it. Likewise, don't forget to laugh at his or her jokes, it's polite! According to research by John Gottman, sharing humor with your partner is one of the most effective ways to strengthen your relationship.
10. Expressions of loving-kindness: People in successful relationships treat others with love and kindness, expressed through kind thoughts, loving words, and kind actions. Think of the smile on your spouse's face when you post a loving sticky-note onto the car's dashboard or write a message via the steam on the bathroom mirror. L-O-V-E.
11. Flirt: If you want to emotionally and physically connect with your spouse, it's more likely to happen with some effort and dialogue. In other words, wear something special that you would on your honeymoon or behave like you're going on the first date. Couples who make an effort to mate, copulate! Also, couples who talk about sex have better sex and more of it! Don't know what to talk about?
12. Turn off the electronics: We live in a world of electronic overload: DVR, laptops, Pinterest, Facebook, Twitter, plus a plethora of i-Gadgets. Switch your whatchamacallit to the off position then do #11
.
Tuesday, June 18, 2013
It can't be easy
Here is some advice that left me thinking of the challenges ahead if N and I are lucky enough to be parents one day:
The fighting-with-spouse aspect of childrearing is not inevitable. These aspects, however, are:
- You will be tired.
- You will have responsibilities (diapers, feedings, play) that are boring, repetitive, relentless, mildly irritating, rewarding mostly in the long term, and of great consequence to your bond with your child.
- You will be faced with things you have no idea how to handle.
- You will have bad moods for one of these three reasons, and they will be exacerbated by the other two.
- You will not agree with your husband on everything.
- You will disappoint each other.
- Each of you at times will think you’re the one doing more work.
Daunting, yes, but not hopeless as long as you both agree to put everything you’ve got into this. That means not rolling over and making it the other person’s turn to get up unless it actually is. It means seeing what needs to be done and doing it, instead of hoping the elves take over. It means communicating — “I do plan to do the dishes, I just need to sit for a second.”
When both of you can plainly see that neither of you is taking advantage of the other, then you can use these other, highly effective fight-preempters:
●Recognizing that the other person is tired, too.
●Occasionally giving the other person time off, even when it’s technically your turn for some.
●Admitting when you’re faced with something you don’t know how to solve.
●Apologizing when you let your spouse down, and forgiving when he lets you down.
●Leaving it alone when you disagree on something small — it’s okay for kids to have different experiences with different parents — and taking it sit-down-and-talk seriously when you disagree on something big. It’s not okay to disagree on so much that your kids (at surprisingly young ages) learn to use you against each other for leverage. It’s also not okay when one parent insists on something genuinely risky (texting while driving, say).
●Finding family-workable ways to deal with your bad moods. Will a walk do it? A trip to the gym? Ice cream for breakfast one day will not derail the train. Make sure you both have outlets.
●Scheduling time, regularly, to remind you why you like each other. Date night, a favorite show or team, etc.
Parents who support and appreciate each other tend to like each other more, of course, but so do those who adapt under pressure instead of martyring themselves. If you believe the workload is out of balance, then revisit your choices; don’t just wear them down into ruts.
Thank you, Carolyn Hax for your sound and practical advice. Always.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)