I looked back over the month of December, and November..well, the Fall and I know I wasn't around all that much. At first I felt guilty, but then I recalled that writing here was supposed to be therapeutic and only for me. Whomever read it and appreciated something I had to say would be secondary. That means, I don't want to ever be beholden to write every day, or five days a week.
Mind you, it isn't that I didn't have things to write about, it's just that I was either too distracted, tired, or busy to do so. I just didn't make the time.
In the past few months I have fixed up my house, put it on the market, sold my house, packed it up, and moved all my possessions. We've been looking for a new house (haven't found one yet), I've moved in with my parents in the interim and until the wedding in May. I've been planning the wedding still - it's a 300+ person wedding...there will never be enough time to nail down all the details. I've been working, too. Can't forget about my actual job.
I've been getting to know my fiance better and more with each passing day. It takes a while to truly know someone, especially when you don't live in the same place that they do and you dive into an engagement as we did. We try to see each other every weekend, but there are times we don't. When we don't see each other, not only is it torture, but it ruins our flow, and completely puts me off. I need his attention, I've realized. In person love is simply not the same as over the phone.
Every now and again I'll look at N with my eyes fixed on him in a shrewd fashion and say, "guess what?" To which he'll respond, "what?" with a shrug. I'll say to him, "I've decided I still love you!" with sincere satisfaction. Because I have. I decide to love him every single day. I make the choice to choose him as my person and love him better and more in the best possible way I can.
He's not nearly as mindful about his love. He just does, always and forever, no matter what. Even if I had burns on half my body, including my face. I asked him today. Morbid and weird, I know.