"Denounce useless guilt. Don’t make a cult of suffering. Live in the now(or at least the soon). Always do the things you fear most. Courage is an acquired taste like caviar. Trust all joy. If the evil eye fixes you in its gaze, look elsewhere. Get ready to be 87."
"Anger is really disappointed hope."
"It was easy enough to kill yourself in a fit of despair. It was easy enough to play the martyr. It was harder to do nothing. To endure your life. To wait."
"Jealousy is all the fun you think they had."
"the body is wiser than its inhabitants. the body is the soul. the body is god’s messenger."
"I have not ceased being fearful, but I have ceased to let fear control me."
"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it...it really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more."
"Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it... It really is worth fighting for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more."
"Women are their own worst enemies. And guilt is the main weapon of self-torture . . . Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and I'll show you a man."
"My reaction to porno films is as follows: After the first ten minutes, I want to go home and screw. After the first twenty minutes, I never want to screw again as long as I live."
"I have lived my life according to this principle: If I'm afraid of it, then I must do it."
"The trick is not how much pain you feel--but how much joy you feel. Any idiot can feel pain. Life is full of excuses to feel pain, excuses not to live, excuses, excuses, excuses."
"Take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A terrible thing: no one to blame."
"Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more."
"Everyone has talent. What's rare is the courage to follow it to the dark places where it leads."
"I have accepted fear as part of life – specifically the fear of change... I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: turn back...."
"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t."
Sunday, January 30, 2011
9 Secrets of Motivated People
handy advice from real simple....
1. When you make a plan, anticipate bumps. Before even trying to achieve a goal, target potential pitfalls and troubleshoot them. Peter Gollwitzer, a professor of psychology at New York University, in New York City, says that people who plan for obstacles are more likely to stick with projects than those who don’t. In a 2009 study published in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine, Gollwitzer compared two groups of women who wanted to be more active. Both groups were given information on leading healthy lifestyles. But the second was also taught how to foresee obstacles (example: “The weather forecast is bad, but I’m planning to go for a jog”) and work around them using if-then statements (“If it rains, then I’ll go to the gym and use the treadmill rather than skip exercising altogether”). No surprise, those in the second group fared better. Michelle Tillis Lederman of New York City practiced this strategy when she was writing a book last year. She installed blinds on her home-office door to minimize disruptions and hired an editor to give feedback on each chapter so she wouldn’t get stuck along the way. She also established rules, like checking e-mails only after she had written for two hours. “It was easier to follow this plan,” says Lederman, “than to wrestle with every distraction in the moment.” Her book,The 11 Laws of Likability (American Management Association), will be published later this year.
2. Channel the little engine that could―really. A person’s drive is often based on what she believes about her abilities, not on how objectively talented she is, according to research by Albert Bandura, a professor of psychology at Stanford University. His work has shown that people who have perceived self-efficacy (that is, the belief that they can accomplish what they set out to do) perform better than those who don’t. That self-belief is what helped Ingrid Daniels of Newark, New Jersey, leave a stable corporate job to develop a T-shirt line after the birth of her first child. “It never occurred to me I could fail, even though I had no experience,” she says. Today Daniels runs two successful small businesses (the T-shirt company and a line of stationery), which allows her to stay at home with her three children.
3. Don't let your goals run wild... When your sights are too ambitious, they can backfire, burn you out, and actually become demotivating, says Lisa Ordóñez, a professor of management and organizations at the Eller College of Management, at the University of Arizona, in Tucson. Instead of aiming unrealistically high (such as trying to save enough money for a down payment on a home in six months), set goals that are a stretch but not an overreach (come up with a doable savings plan for your budget).
...But work on them everyday. According to Daniel Pink, author of Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us ($27, amazon.com), taking small steps every day will not only help hold your interest in what you’re trying to achieve but will also ensure that you move slowly, but surely, toward your goal. So, for example, set up a down-payment-fund jar and dump your change into it every night. You’ll get a sense of accomplishment each day, to boot.
4. Go public with it. Instead of keeping your intentions to yourself, make them known to many. “Other people can help reinforce your behavior,” says James Fowler, a political scientist who studies social networks at the University of California, San Diego. After all, it’s harder to abandon a dream when you know that people are tracking your progress. Take Stefanie Samarripa of Dallas, 25, who wanted to lose 20 pounds. She created a blog and told all her friends to read it. “I wanted something to hold me accountable,” she says. Samarripa weighs herself weekly and announces the result on Desperately Seeking Skinny (skinnystefsam.blogspot.com). During her first three weeks, she lost six pounds. “People read my updates and make comments, which helps me keep going,” she says.
5. Lean on a support crew when struggling. Think of the friends and family who truly want to see you succeed. Enlisting those with whom you have authentic relationships is key when your motivation begins to wane. Choose people who may have seen you fail in the past and who know how much success means to you, says Edward L. Deci, a professor of psychology at the University of Rochester, in New York. For Jane Arginteanu of New York City, support came in the form of her fiancé, Glenn. Arginteanu had smoked from the time she was a teenager and had tried to quit before. When she decided to give it another go, Arginteanu says, “Glenn stood by me and told me, without ever issuing an ultimatum, that he wanted to grow old with me. That was terrific motivation.” A year later, she’s smoke-free.
6. Make yourself a priority. Put your needs first, even when it feels utterly selfish. You will derail your progress if you sacrifice yourself for others in order to please them (such as eating a cupcake that a coworker baked even though you’re on a diet). A few years ago, Karen Holtgrefe of Cincinnati was at the bottom of her own priority list. “I had a demanding full-time job as a physical-therapy manager and was teaching physical therapy part-time,” she says. “Plus, I had a husband and two children to care for.” As a result, she found herself stressed-out, overweight, and suffering from constant backaches. “I hit a wall and realized I needed to make some changes for my sanity,” Holtgrefe says. So she quit the part-time teaching job, joined Weight Watchers, and scheduled nonnegotiable walks six days a week―just for her. In a year, she lost 85 pounds, and her back pain (and stress) disappeared.
7. Challenge yourself―and change things up. It’s hard to remain enthusiastic when everything stays the same, says Frank Busch, who has coached three Olympic swimming teams. To keep his athletes motivated, he constantly challenges and surprises them―adding a new exercise to a weight routine or giving them a break from one practice so they can recharge. Amy Litvak of Atlanta did the same thing. She had several half-marathons under her belt but wanted something new, so she signed up for a series of mini triathlons. “Each race was longer than the last or had a slightly different challenge,” she says. She breezed through them and is now training for a full marathon.
8. Keep on learning. To refuel your efforts, focus on enjoying the process of getting to the goal, rather than just eyeing the finish line. Janet Casson of Queens, New York, set out to teach yoga. She completed her training, but finding a position took longer than anticipated. So she wouldn’t lose steam and become discouraged, Casson used the time to perfect her skills. She attended workshops and studied with different teachers. “It was invigorating and kept me working toward my goal,” says Casson, who now teaches five classes a week.
9. Remember the deeper meaning. You’re more likely to realize a goal when it has true personal significance to you, according to Deci. (For example, “I want to learn to speak French so I can communicate with my Canadian relatives” is a more powerful reason than “I should learn French so that I can be a more cultured person.”) And when the process isn’t a pleasant one, it helps to recall that personal meaning. Not all dedicated gym-goers love working out, Deci points out, but because they have a deep desire to be healthy, they exercise week after week. Jennie Perez-Ray of Parsippany, New Jersey, is a good example of this. She was working full-time when she decided to get her master’s degree. However, she knew that pursuing that goal would mean spending less time with her friends and family. “But I was the first person in my family to get a degree, so it was very important to me,” Perez-Ray says. She kept this in mind every evening that she spent in the classroom. Although the sacrifices she made were hard, she reflects, “reaching my goal made it all worthwhile.”
1. When you make a plan, anticipate bumps. Before even trying to achieve a goal, target potential pitfalls and troubleshoot them. Peter Gollwitzer, a professor of psychology at New York University, in New York City, says that people who plan for obstacles are more likely to stick with projects than those who don’t. In a 2009 study published in the American Journal of Preventive Medicine, Gollwitzer compared two groups of women who wanted to be more active. Both groups were given information on leading healthy lifestyles. But the second was also taught how to foresee obstacles (example: “The weather forecast is bad, but I’m planning to go for a jog”) and work around them using if-then statements (“If it rains, then I’ll go to the gym and use the treadmill rather than skip exercising altogether”). No surprise, those in the second group fared better. Michelle Tillis Lederman of New York City practiced this strategy when she was writing a book last year. She installed blinds on her home-office door to minimize disruptions and hired an editor to give feedback on each chapter so she wouldn’t get stuck along the way. She also established rules, like checking e-mails only after she had written for two hours. “It was easier to follow this plan,” says Lederman, “than to wrestle with every distraction in the moment.” Her book,The 11 Laws of Likability (American Management Association), will be published later this year.
2. Channel the little engine that could―really. A person’s drive is often based on what she believes about her abilities, not on how objectively talented she is, according to research by Albert Bandura, a professor of psychology at Stanford University. His work has shown that people who have perceived self-efficacy (that is, the belief that they can accomplish what they set out to do) perform better than those who don’t. That self-belief is what helped Ingrid Daniels of Newark, New Jersey, leave a stable corporate job to develop a T-shirt line after the birth of her first child. “It never occurred to me I could fail, even though I had no experience,” she says. Today Daniels runs two successful small businesses (the T-shirt company and a line of stationery), which allows her to stay at home with her three children.
3. Don't let your goals run wild... When your sights are too ambitious, they can backfire, burn you out, and actually become demotivating, says Lisa Ordóñez, a professor of management and organizations at the Eller College of Management, at the University of Arizona, in Tucson. Instead of aiming unrealistically high (such as trying to save enough money for a down payment on a home in six months), set goals that are a stretch but not an overreach (come up with a doable savings plan for your budget).
...But work on them everyday. According to Daniel Pink, author of Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us ($27, amazon.com), taking small steps every day will not only help hold your interest in what you’re trying to achieve but will also ensure that you move slowly, but surely, toward your goal. So, for example, set up a down-payment-fund jar and dump your change into it every night. You’ll get a sense of accomplishment each day, to boot.
4. Go public with it. Instead of keeping your intentions to yourself, make them known to many. “Other people can help reinforce your behavior,” says James Fowler, a political scientist who studies social networks at the University of California, San Diego. After all, it’s harder to abandon a dream when you know that people are tracking your progress. Take Stefanie Samarripa of Dallas, 25, who wanted to lose 20 pounds. She created a blog and told all her friends to read it. “I wanted something to hold me accountable,” she says. Samarripa weighs herself weekly and announces the result on Desperately Seeking Skinny (skinnystefsam.blogspot.com). During her first three weeks, she lost six pounds. “People read my updates and make comments, which helps me keep going,” she says.
5. Lean on a support crew when struggling. Think of the friends and family who truly want to see you succeed. Enlisting those with whom you have authentic relationships is key when your motivation begins to wane. Choose people who may have seen you fail in the past and who know how much success means to you, says Edward L. Deci, a professor of psychology at the University of Rochester, in New York. For Jane Arginteanu of New York City, support came in the form of her fiancé, Glenn. Arginteanu had smoked from the time she was a teenager and had tried to quit before. When she decided to give it another go, Arginteanu says, “Glenn stood by me and told me, without ever issuing an ultimatum, that he wanted to grow old with me. That was terrific motivation.” A year later, she’s smoke-free.
6. Make yourself a priority. Put your needs first, even when it feels utterly selfish. You will derail your progress if you sacrifice yourself for others in order to please them (such as eating a cupcake that a coworker baked even though you’re on a diet). A few years ago, Karen Holtgrefe of Cincinnati was at the bottom of her own priority list. “I had a demanding full-time job as a physical-therapy manager and was teaching physical therapy part-time,” she says. “Plus, I had a husband and two children to care for.” As a result, she found herself stressed-out, overweight, and suffering from constant backaches. “I hit a wall and realized I needed to make some changes for my sanity,” Holtgrefe says. So she quit the part-time teaching job, joined Weight Watchers, and scheduled nonnegotiable walks six days a week―just for her. In a year, she lost 85 pounds, and her back pain (and stress) disappeared.
7. Challenge yourself―and change things up. It’s hard to remain enthusiastic when everything stays the same, says Frank Busch, who has coached three Olympic swimming teams. To keep his athletes motivated, he constantly challenges and surprises them―adding a new exercise to a weight routine or giving them a break from one practice so they can recharge. Amy Litvak of Atlanta did the same thing. She had several half-marathons under her belt but wanted something new, so she signed up for a series of mini triathlons. “Each race was longer than the last or had a slightly different challenge,” she says. She breezed through them and is now training for a full marathon.
8. Keep on learning. To refuel your efforts, focus on enjoying the process of getting to the goal, rather than just eyeing the finish line. Janet Casson of Queens, New York, set out to teach yoga. She completed her training, but finding a position took longer than anticipated. So she wouldn’t lose steam and become discouraged, Casson used the time to perfect her skills. She attended workshops and studied with different teachers. “It was invigorating and kept me working toward my goal,” says Casson, who now teaches five classes a week.
9. Remember the deeper meaning. You’re more likely to realize a goal when it has true personal significance to you, according to Deci. (For example, “I want to learn to speak French so I can communicate with my Canadian relatives” is a more powerful reason than “I should learn French so that I can be a more cultured person.”) And when the process isn’t a pleasant one, it helps to recall that personal meaning. Not all dedicated gym-goers love working out, Deci points out, but because they have a deep desire to be healthy, they exercise week after week. Jennie Perez-Ray of Parsippany, New Jersey, is a good example of this. She was working full-time when she decided to get her master’s degree. However, she knew that pursuing that goal would mean spending less time with her friends and family. “But I was the first person in my family to get a degree, so it was very important to me,” Perez-Ray says. She kept this in mind every evening that she spent in the classroom. Although the sacrifices she made were hard, she reflects, “reaching my goal made it all worthwhile.”
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Aspirations
If you are too busy thinking about why your life is crappy, you've lost sight of the possibilities that are out there. Aspire for greatness in your own life, and you won't have time to worry about what is going wrong.
Finding Someone
"in the journey of life find someone as normal as you"- movie "all about Steve"
If it were only that easy.... then again, that's the most impossible aspiration, isn't it? The definition of "normal" varies depending on who you ask. And my brand of normal is certainly less exciting than the next person.
If it were only that easy.... then again, that's the most impossible aspiration, isn't it? The definition of "normal" varies depending on who you ask. And my brand of normal is certainly less exciting than the next person.
Judgement
We all do it- you see something, or hear something you feel an immediate response to. You disagree, and then you judge. Why can't people be more like me?!
But I ask you this? What does all that judgement really accomplish? Nothing. It just makes you a weak person for wasting your time wanting someone to be more like you. You will never truly know what someones motivations are, or what they are really about. And how conceited are you that you believe yourself to truly be so far superior to this other person?
Next time you feel yourself judging, take a step back and look in the mirror. Is that person wasting their time judging you? Probably not. Expend your energy elsewhere.
But I ask you this? What does all that judgement really accomplish? Nothing. It just makes you a weak person for wasting your time wanting someone to be more like you. You will never truly know what someones motivations are, or what they are really about. And how conceited are you that you believe yourself to truly be so far superior to this other person?
Next time you feel yourself judging, take a step back and look in the mirror. Is that person wasting their time judging you? Probably not. Expend your energy elsewhere.
Adversity
"Marathons: You triumph over the adversity, and then you know you can accomplish anything"
I heard the above quote in a documentary I watched a few weeks ago about marathon runners. I've struggled in my life. I've faced my own adversity. I've overcome those emotional hurdles.
And when I saw these folks, some of them regular folks like me push themselves to accomplish this feat, I was so jealous. I want that. I want to be able to say, I was able to overcome a physical feat. To be able to push myself beyond what I believe is even remotely comfortable, would be a miracle.
But it's on my life list, so it's going to happen sooner or later. It would probably be best to start tackling the hard stuff in my 30's instead of when I'm in my 60's and don't have as much strength and energy. I hope I feel the push soon.
I heard the above quote in a documentary I watched a few weeks ago about marathon runners. I've struggled in my life. I've faced my own adversity. I've overcome those emotional hurdles.And when I saw these folks, some of them regular folks like me push themselves to accomplish this feat, I was so jealous. I want that. I want to be able to say, I was able to overcome a physical feat. To be able to push myself beyond what I believe is even remotely comfortable, would be a miracle.
But it's on my life list, so it's going to happen sooner or later. It would probably be best to start tackling the hard stuff in my 30's instead of when I'm in my 60's and don't have as much strength and energy. I hope I feel the push soon.
When being unique became cool
When I was a kid, I immediately felt different in first grade when I realized I was the only left handed kid in the class. I thought to myself, wait, did I misspeak? Am I actually right handed? Why am I the only one? And then everyone looked at me like I was weird.
Later that year, I was eating a yummy lunch in the cafeteria. Typically, I hated lunch at school. By the time we eat, the food was either strangely room temperature (and shouldn't have been) or tasted faintly like the plastic bags my mom packed my sandwiches in. If she just so happened to run out of lunch meat, she would provide a butter sandwich. Actually, it was a margarine sandwich. What is that? It's two pieces of bread with a schmear of margarine. It tasted awful, which means I tossed it and went hungry that day. Nonetheless, a good lunch food day was something to be excited about. The day in question, mom packed some stuffed grapevine leaves in a little tub. Being an ethnic kid, you don't realize what is and isn't standard lunch fare. I soon found out this was abnormal when my friends taunted me, "ewww, you're eating leaves!" They were idiots. I was eating a delicacy and they had no idea.
The above, along with my unique name created an environment whereby I yearned to be like everyone else. I didn't want to be different. I wan't to be "normal". So, I started going by my nickname from the third grade on, and thought that would cure me of what set me apart from my peers. By the time I went to college I immediately shifted and realized that being different felt like freedom. I wanted to stand out of the crowd, and I didn't want to blend in.
Now, at 30, I appreciate the times in life where who I am sets me apart from everyone else. Being me, even when I'm unique, makes me happy. I don't have to try to pretend to be like the other kids. Thank God!
Later that year, I was eating a yummy lunch in the cafeteria. Typically, I hated lunch at school. By the time we eat, the food was either strangely room temperature (and shouldn't have been) or tasted faintly like the plastic bags my mom packed my sandwiches in. If she just so happened to run out of lunch meat, she would provide a butter sandwich. Actually, it was a margarine sandwich. What is that? It's two pieces of bread with a schmear of margarine. It tasted awful, which means I tossed it and went hungry that day. Nonetheless, a good lunch food day was something to be excited about. The day in question, mom packed some stuffed grapevine leaves in a little tub. Being an ethnic kid, you don't realize what is and isn't standard lunch fare. I soon found out this was abnormal when my friends taunted me, "ewww, you're eating leaves!" They were idiots. I was eating a delicacy and they had no idea.
The above, along with my unique name created an environment whereby I yearned to be like everyone else. I didn't want to be different. I wan't to be "normal". So, I started going by my nickname from the third grade on, and thought that would cure me of what set me apart from my peers. By the time I went to college I immediately shifted and realized that being different felt like freedom. I wanted to stand out of the crowd, and I didn't want to blend in.
Now, at 30, I appreciate the times in life where who I am sets me apart from everyone else. Being me, even when I'm unique, makes me happy. I don't have to try to pretend to be like the other kids. Thank God!
To complain or not to complain
It is so easy to call someone up on the phone, or corner a coworker by the coffee pot and start to complain about...anything. But you shouldn't. I shouldn't. Why? Because it literally accomplishes nothing. If anything, it is an excuse to justify whatever frustrations you have. It doesn't solve the problems.
Next time you feel the desire to complain about something, think about three different solutions to that problem before you start unloading your bur dens on someone else.
Next time you feel the desire to complain about something, think about three different solutions to that problem before you start unloading your bur dens on someone else.
Being Grateful
My grandmother is old. She has lived a long beautiful life. Almost 92 years. If she was able, she would still be bossing people around left and right, telling them the best way to do...anything and everything. But she's feeble now. The Dementia has set in, and she can't get her words out as quickly as she'd like so she doesn't talk as much as she used to.
But, I'm grateful for every single moment I have left with her. I try to savor every funny thing that pops out. But I'm often just left with a deep sense of joy. I'm so blessed to still have her.
Oprah, along with so many other folks out there have said that if you keep track of what you are grateful for, at least a few things a day, that it will make a difference. I'll keep challenging myself to appreciate what I have.
What are you grateful for?
But, I'm grateful for every single moment I have left with her. I try to savor every funny thing that pops out. But I'm often just left with a deep sense of joy. I'm so blessed to still have her.
Oprah, along with so many other folks out there have said that if you keep track of what you are grateful for, at least a few things a day, that it will make a difference. I'll keep challenging myself to appreciate what I have.
What are you grateful for?
Huzzah!
There is something super exciting about a 19th century word brought back into 21st century vernacular. Weird words in general can make you smile and think, espeically when they sound so contradictory to their meaning. Take "mulligrubs" for instance. It's meaning? The blues- a depressed state of mind. It's a good idea to appreciate what's old and make it new again.
http://www.squidoo.com/weird_words
http://www.squidoo.com/weird_words
"I've often regretted my speech, never my silence"
How often do you say something and immediately wish you hadn't? I do at least once daily. Although, over time, I've learned to pace myself. Think before I speak. But on those occasions when I realize that my words have unintended consequences, or worse- my comment indeed makes the exact blow I intended, I'm disappointed in myself. I know better. I've been on the other side of comments that have stung, and I hate it. In those moments, I tell myself I'll never treat someone the way I've been treated. And yet, inevitably I make the same mistake again.
Patience is required when handling a sensitive topic of conversation. Speak less and reap the reward.
Patience is required when handling a sensitive topic of conversation. Speak less and reap the reward.
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