Joy vs. Happiness

Joy is the most infallible sign of the presence of God — Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

There is a difference between joy and happiness.  

Learn it.  Seeing this, made me think about it further.  

Saying you "just want to be happy," to me, sounds like you don't know what happiness even is.  Happiness can be fleeting.  Joy, on the other hand, is that insatiable glow that is rooted in the essence of your being.  And emanates throughout your existence.  It's more.  It's deeper.  It's joy.

I can say now, in hindsight, that throughout most of my 20's I experienced moments of happiness.  But at this point in my life, I feel joy.  I feel so much contentment in where I am and what I have, which is so very much.  The joy keeps me running like a low burning flame.  The happiness, on the other hand was super hot sometimes, and non-existence at others.  

I'll take the joy any day of the week.  

Honor those who cam before us

“Hate can never drive out hate. Only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, and violence multiplies violence in a descending spiral of destruction… Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend.” Martin Luther King

Why me?

I can't tell you how many times in my life I thought, "why me?"  "This isn't fair?!"  "Why is God letting this happen to me- I'm not a bad person!?"  

It will never be easy to experience failures and disasters.  When you like to control the outcome of things in your life like I do, it can feel devastating when things simply don't go your way.  

As a faithful person, this struggle is something that I have come to terms with in the past few years.  Bad things happen to everyone.  Good things happen to everyone.  We never know exactly what is going on in someone's life to be able to judge what those things are, if they deserve them or not.  It's none of our business.  Focus on yourself.  Focus on being the best person you can be, and being thankful to God for every thing that is good in your life. Even minutiae like the air, and the sun, and a smile from a stranger.  

The rest of the time, I continuously look for encouragement, and find it through passages like these, including stories from the lives of the Saints. 

----

"When Abba Anthony (St Anthony the Great) meditated upon the depth of the judgments of God, he asked, saying, Lord, how is it that some perish when short-lived, and some live to extreme old age? And why are some poor, and yet others rich? And why are the unrighteous rich, and yet the righteous are poor? And he heard a voice saying to him, Anthony, keep your attention on yourself, for these things are the judgments of God, and they will not benefit you to learn them."

"On those who live in darkness the light will shine." Matthew 4:16

How to be a Powerful Lady

“Being powerful is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you aren't.”
―Margaret Thatcher

I learned a long time ago that being a woman in the business world has its disadvantages.  Worse, being a young woman can leave you feeling like you have absolutely no power whatsoever. 

I was given an extraordinary amount of authority at a young age by my father.  He basically left me with marching orders that consisted of my being able to make a change to our policies or procedures if I felt like it made sense.  He trusted me.  I could hire, and even more challenging, fire people.  And I had to do both many times.  I could buy and sell.  I could make money, and lose money.  

Embarrassingly, I made mistakes that resulted in very significant financial losses to the tune of five figures.  However, I've also made a lot of money for our business and for our family.  The courage to do the later, means you have to be willing to accept that you make cause the former.  

Over time, owning my authority led to me embracing the power I had.  When I started, all I could think about was how I didn't have the experience or knowledge to have the authority I did.  Over time, and with many experiences to back it up, those life lessons have left me feeling powerful and authoritative, and not just in the work place.  

It's also important to note, that being powerful doesn't mean that you don't listen to the opinions of others. You have to accept that you don't know everything, and that others may have ideas that are better than yours.  It means that while you may listen, it is likely that you will have to tell someone that you disagree with them, or tell them no.  You have to know that you will people unhappy.  This was hard for me.  As a nurturing person, all I want to do in my personal life is make people happy and help them out by coming up with solutions for their problems.  In my professional life, it's my job to come up with solutions for the company which are often at odds with the individual hopes and desires of the people that work for our company.  This is not to say it is my goal to be a huge B, either.  

At the end of the day, it's kind of like "Field of Dreams."  If you build it (or act like it), it will come.  

Don't give up

Talk about never giving up: See below... I played this position while I was growing up.  Doing what that kid did is almost impossible.  I'm impressed and awed.  I'm inspired.

Deep Friendship

This morning a good friend texted me, “morning, sister….” And then went on to respond about something.  After, I thought about her statement, and it’s true.  This girl, with less than two years of knowing her, is more my sister in deep friendship than so many other people that have known me for many more years. 

Then I wondered how I could feel so close with someone when we haven’t had the luxury of time to know one another?  What is different about my ability to have closer relationships now than I did ten years ago?  The difference is I’m a different person.  I’m more my true self and have learned to own who I am.  I am more open and sincere about my feelings and thoughts, good or bad.  Before, I was cautious and afraid to let people see who I was, and afraid they would see what I was hiding.  Once I could admit to myself how deeply my past had shaped who I was, I was able to begin to be me.  Now, I’m my most authentic self, 100% of the time.  That is always my goal. 

This growth was really more of a transformation of my confidence.  I am confident in who I am.  I’m proud of my life.   Because I am not afraid to be who I really am, I am able to make deeper connections with people.  I simply don’t want to waste time on less meaningful relationships. 

My experiences made me a better person.  I’m a better friend, daughter, sister and ultimately, it made me the person who could be ready to be a good wife to N. 

P.S: I also know that my bestest friends who have known me for 20 years would be insulted to think that anyone would challenge the awesome friendship we have.  There is nothing that would exchange knowing someone for twenty years (or more).  You can’t buy time.  Or trade it. 

Life back at home

Life is both bigger and smaller than I could have anticipated.  I find myself in the strange position of living back at the home I grew up in at 32.  I sold my house and moved out in preparation for my move to live with N.  Since my job is up here, we don’t have a house down there, and we aren't married yet anyway, I’m staying with my parents.  And grandparents.  And sister.  And her two teenage children.  And the two dogs.  It’s a hot mess!

I have to admit I was a bit concerned about my loss of privacy to say the least.  I was also concerned about the extra distance getting into work as well as the close quarters.  I was worried about sharing a bathroom with my teenage nephew.  I was weirded out about not only seeing my dad at work, but also at home when I got home from work. 

Friends, I have to tell you the truth.  Having the opportunity to live with my family in such an old fashioned far too close for comfort way is one of the best experiences of my life.  I wouldn't trade it for the world. 

I jokingly tell my teenage niece and nephew that being around all their crazy is going to make me super excited to move down to live with N instead of making me sad to move.  But the reality is that being here makes me appreciate them that much more.  I savor every single one of my experiences with them as well as the rest of my family.  Even more, I appreciate the time with my grandparents. 

During the holidays, we had several nights where my sister, parents and I stayed up after midnight hanging out and laughing about nothing.  It was so much fun.  Last night, my big sister and I were in hysterics as we muscled the tree out of the house spraying pine needles EVERY where.  My dad took pictures of us with a tree falling around us that we could barely manage to hold up, and he just laughed and laughed.  “Blackmail” he said. 

I’m still smiling about last night.  Every night.  

Fighting Right

I love soccer.  I have since I was a kid.  I hate racial intolerance.  It drives me BONKERS.

Check out this video.  Some spectators starting chanting something racially insensitive to one of the players of AC Milan who happens to be non-white.  Within the span of 30 seconds BOTH teams began to leave the field.  It wasn't just his own team, it was also the opposition.  That shows true respect for the sport, each other, their teams, and of course, the player.



I'm impressed.  I have goosebumps.  This is why team sports are awesome.  There is no I in team.  There is no color in sports.  There is only the game.

Extra Courage Needed

“In the world you will face tribulations and persecutions, but take courage for I have conquered the world!” (John 16:33)

"I" referenced above, is God.  If you have fears, or troubles, or need support.  Ask Him.  Hes good at it.  You just have to be willing to his advice.  It may not be what you had in mind.  

Love: It's like a disease

Before N and I get off the phone every night we say “I love you” mechanically, but sincerely.  A lot of times, I want a qualifier.  That’s just how I am.  I want to know how much he loves me.  Why he loves me.  If he’ll love me more or less under certain terms.  I like the details, you see. 

Tonight, the conversation went like this: 

KG: “You love me?” 

N:  “Duh”

KG: “How much do you love me?” 

N: “A lot.  More and more every day.  It’s like a disease!” 

That is one of the most romantic things I've ever heard from any man.  I’m in love with him even more.  

let go

LETTING GO TAKES LOVE

To let go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else.

To let go is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization I can’t control another.

To let go is not to enable, but allow learning from natural consequences.

To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means  the outcome is not in my hands.

To let go is not to try to change or blame another, it’s to make the most of myself.

To let go is not to care for, but to care about.

To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.

To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.

To let go is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes,  but to allow others to affect their destinies.

To let go is not to be protective, it’s to permit another to face reality.

To let go is not to deny, but to accept.

To let go is not to nag, scold or argue, but instead to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

To let go is not to adjust everything to my desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

To let go is not to criticize or regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.

To let go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.

To let go is to FEAR LESS and LOVE MORE.

Remember:  THE TIME TO LOVE IS SHORT. ~Author Unknown

Don't save it for a special day

I posted this list the other day.... and this number reminded me of N:

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

He got a nice coat for Christmas and didn't want to wear it.  It was too nice.  He does this often.  He'll have something that is valuable (a watch, a coat, shoes, anything) and he doesn't want to mess it up.

I get it.  In the past (and sometimes still) I have a preoccupation with messing up or losing something that is precious.  And then I get anxious.  But that is nonsense.  Possessions are meant to be used, not treated like an art exhibit.  

When we have children, I'm going to pull out the china on a random Tuesday night, make burgers and we'll all eat on them.  Just because.  

Where have I been?

I looked back over the month of December, and November..well, the Fall and I know I wasn't around all that much.  At first I felt guilty, but then I recalled that writing here was supposed to be therapeutic and only for me.  Whomever read it and appreciated something I had to say would be secondary.  That means, I don't want to ever be beholden to write every day, or five days a week.

Mind you, it isn't that I didn't have things to write about, it's just that I was either too distracted, tired, or busy to do so.  I just didn't make the time.

In the past few months I have fixed up my house, put it on the market, sold my house, packed it up, and moved all my possessions.  We've been looking for a new house (haven't found one yet), I've moved in with my parents in the interim and until the wedding in May.  I've been planning the wedding still - it's a 300+ person wedding...there will never be enough time to nail down all the details.  I've been working, too. Can't forget about my actual job.

I've been getting to know my fiance better and more with each passing day.  It takes a while to truly know someone, especially when you don't live in the same place that they do and you dive into an engagement as we did.  We try to see each other every weekend, but there are times we don't.  When we don't see each other, not only is it torture, but it ruins our flow, and completely puts me off.  I need his attention, I've realized.  In person love is simply not the same as over the phone.

Every now and again I'll look at N with my eyes fixed on him in a shrewd fashion and say, "guess what?" To which he'll respond, "what?" with a shrug.  I'll say to him, "I've decided I still love you!" with sincere satisfaction.  Because I have.  I decide to love him every single day.  I make the choice to choose him as my person and love him better and more in the best possible way I can.

He's not nearly as mindful about his love.  He just does, always and forever, no matter what.  Even if I had burns on half my body, including my face.  I asked him today.  Morbid and weird, I know.

some more life lessons

At this part of the game... the ones in bold are the ones that mean the most to me.

Written by Regina Brett 

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Life is too short for long pity parties. Get busy living, or get busy dying.

17. You can get through anything if you stay put in today.

18. A writer writes. If you want to be a writer, write.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Overprepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: "In five years, will this matter?"

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

36. Growing old beats the alternative - dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood. Make it memorable.

38. Read the Psalms. They cover every human emotion.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

42. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

43. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

44. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

45. The best is yet to come.

46. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

47. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

48. If you don't ask, you don't get.

49. Yield.

50. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.