If I have a daughter, I can't help but think about all the mean girls that are out there that would potentially torment my baby.


Girls are mean! 


But here is a great example of some mom's doing it right.  Read about some kind girls... who are NICE.

How to feed our babies

One of the things I consider when I think about raising my child is how to ensure my child is healthy and happy.  The healthy part is on my mind.  While the baby is inside of me, everything I do, the baby does.  If I don't get enough sleep, or eat enough vegetables, the baby doesn't either. It's a lot of responsibility. 


When the baby is older, I'll have to try to ensure the same needs become habits.  I have to teach the baby these things.  I don't want the baby to learn baby clean plate club.  That is old news.

Check out this article about healthy eating for kids, here. "There's now research showing that when kids are allowed to serve themselves, they're less likely to overeat. They also tend to be more open to trying different kinds of foods."

Looks can be deceiving

Sometimes people see something and assume the worst.  What frustrates me is watching animals get the raw end of the deal, such as  Pitt bull Terriers.  Look how cute they are! 


Humans are the cause of grooming dogs to be bad.  They are taught to use their defensive skills.  All dogs have the innate skill to protect and defend.  Some dogs are better at it than others based on their genetics.


But that doesn't change the statistics.  Check out the infographic for information.

Size Matters

This article (and photographic evidence) explains a lot about why I have no idea about how much food is a lot (or a little). 


You have to check this out.

How to use your skills for good

This impressed me.  A doctor, who could probably make a lot more money (easier) elects to use his skills to help those with no health insurance.  He has to work hard to find these patients because they are homeless and are often not treated.  It's called "street medicine" and he's been doing it for twenty years. 

Why can't we all just get along

You may have seen this video a few times, but after watching it again, I can't help but be impressed by the way nature has a way of teaching us things that we can't learn for ourselves.


Lion, Tiger and Bear Make for Odd, Yet Happy Family at Ga. Sanctuary

Conflicting Advice

Like any good student, I started reading about becoming a mom, pregnancy, delivery, child rearing, etc.  However, all of this reading typically leaves me feeling like there is never going to be one answer.  Apparently, I'm not alone. 


This woman hysterically elaborates on all the conflicting advice that is out there. Just read it here.


"You should start a routine and keep track of everything. Not just when they sleep and how long, but how long it has been between sleep, how many naps they’ve had per day, and what you were doing before they slept. Have a set time per day that you put them to bed. Don’t watch the clock. Put them on a schedule. Scheduling will make your life impossible because they will constantly be thrown off of it and you will become a prisoner in your home."


And another article about child rearing by comparing different approaches by different countries.  We hear how American kids aren't independent enough.  They aren't active enough.  They are in school too much (or not enough). We spoil them. 


I can't keep it all straight.  I'm getting to the point where I may never want to hear anyone's opinion about anything, ever. 

Babies are cute, but they aren't easy

I appreciate honesty, in particular about child rearing considering I'm getting ready to start this party in six months. 

This new mom has some perspective about the challenges that I have in store for me. Not only is she honest, but she's funny too. 

Here's to the craziness to come...

• It does not go by so fast.
• They're up all night to get lucky.
• Sleep deprivation is the worst.
• The phrase "maternal instinct" stinks.
• Hold your baby as much as you damn want.
• Breast is best but...
• It's called childREARing for a reason. I
• Get out. 
• Get support.
• Get help.
• Don't be too hard on yourself.

Because every kid is "smart"

I think it's fair to say that when you are helping a child with a task, no matter how big or small, and they achieve it, you want to immediately tell them, "Good job!"  Perhaps though, there is more to it than that.  Are we inflating their egos to their own detriment? Consider this fascinating article.  Here are some of the fascinating findings:

"Giving kids the label of “smart” does not prevent them from underperforming. It might actually be causing it.

We put our children in high-pressure environments, seeking out the best schools we can find, then we use the constant praise to soften the intensity of those environments. We expect so much of them, but we hide our expectations behind constant glowing praise.

After reviewing 200 studies, Baumeister concluded that having high self-esteem didn’t improve grades or career achievement.

It’s been noted that a large percentage of all gifted students (those who score in the top 10 percent on aptitude tests) severely underestimate their own abilities. Those afflicted with this lack of perceived competence adopt lower standards for success and expect less of themselves. They underrate the importance of effort, and they overrate how much help they need from a parent."

A teacher who praises a child may be unwittingly sending the message that the student reached the limit of his innate ability, while a teacher who criticizes a pupil conveys the message that he can improve his performance even further."

Instead, perhaps we should use specific-type praise, such as praising the “process" achieved rather than the outcome itself. 

 

Mind over matter

Story editing is the art of being able to re-direct your outcome.  This article is profound, and I feel, what so many of us are missing when challenges present themselves in our lives.

From the article, the researcher explains, " how small changes in a person's own stories and memories can help with emotional health. He calls the process "story editing." And he says small tweaks in the interpretation of life events can reap huge benefits.

The idea is that if you believe you are something else — perhaps smarter, more socially at ease — you can allow for profound changes to occur."

They even included some tools for us, here.

All of these reminds me of the movie, "Field of Dreams."  
                                                    IF YOU BUILD IT, [IT] WILL COME
 

A lasting marriage

I loved that this article I read about why the author's marriage shouldn't have lasted.  I understood it completely.  My husband and I are not carbon copies of one another.  We have more things that are different about us than are similar.  We are both Greek-American, are in love with our dogs, we love to laugh and tease one another and neither of us are into arguing.  We are on the same page about our goals and values. But....

• I'm a planner, he lives in the moment. 
• I'm a reader, he is not (he's a math person, whereas I am not).
• I watch dramas, he watches sports.
• I'm a Redskins fan, he's a Cowboys fan.
• I like all types of music, except most of what he likes (weird metal/Irish rock).
• I don't wear shoes in the house, ever. He wears shoes all the time (although recently I've gotten him into wearing slippers my grand dad got him, which he thinks are "awesome.").
• I toss and turn all night long, he stays in one position.
• I love to organize (and get rid of things), he's a semi-hoarder.
• I'm into religion, he's into sleeping in on Sundays (because God knows he deserves it).

I could go on, but I think you get the point.  Much like the article, the thing that continues to bring us back together every day, despite our differences, is choice.  We make the choice, every day, to stay with each other.  We make the choice to love each other and forgive one another.  My biggest choice, is to assume the best of him.
 

Anger Issues

As I consider how hard it will be to have a child, the thing that freaks me out the most (other than child birth, which I am ignoring as long as I can), is raising my child.  That is going to be hard work! 

One of the things that was hard for me growing up was seeing how stressed out my mother was.  It bothered me.  I didn't understand why she wasn't at her best at times.  I thought it was my fault.  When she yelled and got angry about minor things like spilling milk, or losing something, it seemed like it was the start of World War III. 

As an adult, I see this differently.  I now know that my mom was super stressed because she was overwhelmed.  Being a parent is tough work. My dad worked 100 hours a week for twenty years straight.  My poor mom didn't have much backup assistance.  Babies don't actually come with an instruction manual.  Especially, because each child is different.  What works for one, isn't going to work for the other. 

I forgive my mother for not being at her best.  She's only human.  I'm certain she wishes she had been able to be more patient. 

I hope I have the perspective to take a step back when things get hard.  I pray I learn how to be patient even when I want to storm off and punch a hole in the wall.  I need to remember that everyone makes mistakes, including me, which means I shouldn't expect more from my babies.

Getting older, getting wiser

I love reading lists.  I especially love reading lists about life so that I can relate with other folks.  It feels good to not feel alone. 

I'm glad that I didn't know how much life had in store for me when I was younger.  It would have inhibited my ability to learn as much as I have. 

This writer reflected all the things she's able to do now at 40 that she wasn't able to do at 20.  I'm in the same boat as her.  I know so much more now.  I like myself better.  I appreciate myself more.  I'm more confidant. 

These are the ones I can relate with!

3. Tell the truth.
4. Have a healthy relationship.
5. Look past a person's flaws.
6. Look past my own flaws.
7. Stay home on New Years Eve.
8. Pay my bills.
9. Go out without makeup on.
10. Go to the gynecologist without being embarrassed.
11. Go to a therapist without feeling ashamed.
12. Speak to a group of strangers.
16. Be happy for other people, instead of jealous.
21. Stand up for myself.
22. Stand up for people I love.
23. Sit at a concert.
24. Take a cab home instead of insisting I'm OK to drive.
30. Drive the speed limit.  (still working on this one!)
31. Drop that toxic friend.
32. Avoid the drama.
33. Swear in front of my mom.
34. Swap the tanning lotion for eye cream.
35. Focus on the smart guy instead of the handsome guy.
36. Say "no" to stuff.
38. Stop trying to be perfect.
39. Let go of expectation.
40. Adjust to changes