Recently, I catch myself telling people, "whatever makes you happy" in response to some question they pose to me.
"KG, should I change careers?" and I say, "Whatever makes you happy."
"KG, should I stay with him?" and I say, "Whatever makes you happy." (Although, lets be honest, if someone is asking that question, 9 times out of 10, its probably a symptom of something else altogether, and a breakup is inevitable.
I think there is something to be said for encouraging people do what truly makes them happy. Personally, I think pursuing what makes your heart sing is part of the big picture of life. And you should support everyone else with their endeavor to do so as well. The challenge is sifting through all the muck that gets in the way to ensure you are truly following a path that will ultimately be a step in the right direction.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Mission
A long time ago, when I was 15, I made a decision that I would go on a trip to provide service for God. I didn't know what I would do, or when I would do it. But I made a commitment. And then 15 years went by. But I'm a lady of my word, and when I finally came back around, full circle so to speak, I was ready to serve.
I applied to go on a mission trip to Alaska. A service project to help repair some battered Orthodox Churches there. I figured it wouldn't be as far away as the African or Asian trip options. Plus, I could be handy, and I wouldn't have to learn a new language to fend for myself. And anyone who knows me well, knows my inability to learn languages is laughable.
Instead, I was sent to Korea to teach English to kids. I like to say that when God comes calling, you pick up the phone. And when he opens up a door, you walk through it. And that's what I did. It was one of the best experiences of my life. I've never felt so unexpectedly fulfilled in my life. What a surprise!
Keeping a promise to myself encouraged me to step out of my comfort zone and do something unexpected. I'm thankful for the opportunity I had to do so, and hope to do it more often.
I applied to go on a mission trip to Alaska. A service project to help repair some battered Orthodox Churches there. I figured it wouldn't be as far away as the African or Asian trip options. Plus, I could be handy, and I wouldn't have to learn a new language to fend for myself. And anyone who knows me well, knows my inability to learn languages is laughable.
Instead, I was sent to Korea to teach English to kids. I like to say that when God comes calling, you pick up the phone. And when he opens up a door, you walk through it. And that's what I did. It was one of the best experiences of my life. I've never felt so unexpectedly fulfilled in my life. What a surprise!
Keeping a promise to myself encouraged me to step out of my comfort zone and do something unexpected. I'm thankful for the opportunity I had to do so, and hope to do it more often.
When you smile at the world...
Growing up, I had a poster hanging on my bedroom wall. It said, "When you smile at the world, the world smiles back." There was a black background, and a clown sitting on it's knees wearing a white clown costume. It was truly weird. And actually kinda scary. I would stare at it endlessly. I really had no idea what it meant for a long time. I just thought it meant I should smile a lot. And then I forgot about it for over a decade. Have you ever noticed how irate people get when they are impatient and waiting in line for...anything? It seems like folks simply aren't at their best when they are waiting in line. And you want to tap them on the shoulder and tell them everything will be OK. That they probably really aren't even mad about what they are currently focusing their attention on. But I assume I'll get slugged and I don't want to be involved in a physical altercation. So I shut up and think about how I don't want to be that person.
Many years later, the phrase from my youth came into my head and I had an "a ha" moment. I started thinking about what kind of energy I put out there in the world. I realized that you really get back what you put out there. I try to give a sincere smile to all the unknown people that cross my path every day. I smile with my eyes so they know I mean it. I think it matters.
Stress
Sometimes I find myself so overwhelmed about everything, and yet about nothing. About things I can't control. About things that haven't even happened yet. And I start to spin around and around and can't help but focus on the same swirling thoughts that I can't let go of. It's a vicious cycle that leaves me feeling utterly helpless.
This topic was recently discussed on another blog about happiness. The writer mentions that Eckhart Tolle recommends asking yourself "Do you have a problem now?" — as in, right this very moment? The answer is almost always no.
This topic was recently discussed on another blog about happiness. The writer mentions that Eckhart Tolle recommends asking yourself "Do you have a problem now?" — as in, right this very moment? The answer is almost always no.
A novel idea
I believe in self improvement and self awareness. I think it makes me a better person. And by being a better person I can lead a more fulfilled life. But there are other thoughts about how to live my life.
The late Japanese psychotherapist Shoma Morita's advice was to stop trying to fix yourself and start living instead: "Give up on yourself. Begin taking action now, while being neurotic or imperfect, or a procrastinator, or unhealthy, or lazy, or any other label by which you inaccurately describe yourself. Go ahead and be the best imperfect person you can be and get started on those things you want to accomplish before you die."
The late Japanese psychotherapist Shoma Morita's advice was to stop trying to fix yourself and start living instead: "Give up on yourself. Begin taking action now, while being neurotic or imperfect, or a procrastinator, or unhealthy, or lazy, or any other label by which you inaccurately describe yourself. Go ahead and be the best imperfect person you can be and get started on those things you want to accomplish before you die."
If you can read this...
This is a great poem to keep you pointed in the right direction.
-----
If
By Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!
-----
If
By Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!
Tell me who your friends are
My whole life my mother has mentioned time and time again, "tell me who your friends are, and I'll tell you who you are." I used to hate how often she'd say it. At the most annoying times. When she was trying to prove a point about some mistake I had just made, or was about to make. When she wanted me to stop and think about whose company I kept, and whose influence affected me.
But she was so right.
As I got older, I became increasingly selective about whose company I kept. There are lots of great people out there. Lots of people I call "friend." But there are a few who would walk through fire for me. A few who fought my battles with me, and still do to this day.
When I take a frank look at who my best friends are, I'm proud. They are amazing people who are not only smart, successful and loyal. They are kind and loving. They never give up on me, and have faith and hope for me when I'm not feeling 100% up to it. Just knowing that they believe in me, encourages me to get back to neutral and believe in myself again.
I realize I'm bragging, but I'm getting to a point. Find some great friends. The kind that will last a lifetime. The kind that will be there for you when it seems like all hope is lost. Having a support system like that will get you to the finish line, every time.
But she was so right.
As I got older, I became increasingly selective about whose company I kept. There are lots of great people out there. Lots of people I call "friend." But there are a few who would walk through fire for me. A few who fought my battles with me, and still do to this day.
When I take a frank look at who my best friends are, I'm proud. They are amazing people who are not only smart, successful and loyal. They are kind and loving. They never give up on me, and have faith and hope for me when I'm not feeling 100% up to it. Just knowing that they believe in me, encourages me to get back to neutral and believe in myself again.
I realize I'm bragging, but I'm getting to a point. Find some great friends. The kind that will last a lifetime. The kind that will be there for you when it seems like all hope is lost. Having a support system like that will get you to the finish line, every time.
A Hopeful Poem
Desiderata
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself to others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
-- Max Ehrmann
Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself to others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let not this blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore, be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham drudgery and broken dreams; it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
-- Max Ehrmann
Letting go of fear
About 4 years ago, my favorite Aunt who is also a good friend, told me about a book. It sounded a bit weird at first, but the more she spoke about it, the more energetic she became. The positive energy was pouring out of her, and it felt contagious. I immediately bought the book to see what it was all about.
"Love is Letting go of Fear" by Gerald Jampolsky changed my life, and it may change yours. It's from the 70's, includes strange cartoons, and is all about the path to contentment. The description on amazon states:
"the only thing that stands between us and the awesome energy of love is fear. To live without fear, we must stop analyzing it, stop agonizing over it, stop fighting with it, and simply . . . let it go. How? By releasing our paralyzing preoccupation with the past and our chronic apprehension over the future—which is, needless to say, easier said than done.
To help us in this difficult journey from fear to love, Dr. Jampolsky presents tools in the form of 12 daily, progressive lessons for personal transformation. These crucial lessons work through the concepts of giving, forgiveness, cause and effect, perspective, reactive behavior, victim hood, judgement, living in the present, releasing the past, visualization, freedom to choose, and taking responsibility."
Disclaimer: This is hard to do, but it will set you free
I just want to be happy!
Have you ever heard someone exclaim, "I just want to be happy!" as if their life depended on it? I have, and probably even said it myself a few times in my past. But we should be honest with ourselves. Are we going to feel complete bliss every day of our lives? No. There is simply no way. It's just not rational.
Perhaps we would better off repositioning our goal: contentment. For some, its a novel concept, but I think it deserves some consideration. If your goal is to be content, you strive to take things in stride, assume the best, let go of the small stuff you can't control.
Perhaps we would better off repositioning our goal: contentment. For some, its a novel concept, but I think it deserves some consideration. If your goal is to be content, you strive to take things in stride, assume the best, let go of the small stuff you can't control.
Hope
Yesterday, someone asked me if I felt hopeless. I haven't been feeling my best and it was a valid question. I rejected the notion immediately. When faced with the question, I refused to let that word, that sentiment, be apart of my personal lexicon.
Hope is something that keeps me getting out of bed every day. It allows me to treat people with kindness when I feel crappy about something else all together, and all I really want to do it be surly. I strive to remain hopeful each and every day. Some days I'm better at it than others, but you already knew that.
"The Count of Monte Cristo" is my favorite book, by far. When I was in high school and read it for the first time I thought, "this is a great analogy for my life!". I felt relieved that I wasn't alone. If a fictional character experienced such turmoil, and came out on top, perhaps I could too. I didn't even fully understand why I felt so dejected, I just knew it wasn't how it should be.
Since then, I felt hope that there was something more out there, even though I didn't know what it was or what it would look like. I'll leave you with this:
"All human wisdom is summed up in these two words, -- `Wait and hope.' - Count of Monte Cristo
Hope is something that keeps me getting out of bed every day. It allows me to treat people with kindness when I feel crappy about something else all together, and all I really want to do it be surly. I strive to remain hopeful each and every day. Some days I'm better at it than others, but you already knew that.
"The Count of Monte Cristo" is my favorite book, by far. When I was in high school and read it for the first time I thought, "this is a great analogy for my life!". I felt relieved that I wasn't alone. If a fictional character experienced such turmoil, and came out on top, perhaps I could too. I didn't even fully understand why I felt so dejected, I just knew it wasn't how it should be.
Since then, I felt hope that there was something more out there, even though I didn't know what it was or what it would look like. I'll leave you with this:
"All human wisdom is summed up in these two words, -- `Wait and hope.' - Count of Monte Cristo
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
The Good Fight...why I'm here
Each and every day I make the choice to try to better my life. To ensure that who I am today isn't the same as it was yesterday. Some days I'm more successful than others. It's a struggle and a worthwhile endeavor, I believe. I know people who suffer in their lives and won't consider that there is a way to improve. There are options. There are always options. I choose self awareness and improvement. I commit to fight the good fight, every day, no matter how hard it is."Fight the good fight, finish the course, keep the faith; buy the truth and sell it not"
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