Death is sad no matter who it is, how old they are, if you liked the person, or didn't. It's just sad. It's the most sad for those of us still left in this place we live in, where people can be purposefully hateful, mean, rude or cruel.
A girl I know passed away. She's just 33. She has(d) beautiful bright sparkling blue eyes. Blond hair. Pretty. Super smart and accomplished. Greek-American! Excellent family. She was healthy and in great shape. Her brother is N's good friend, which is how we met. To see her you wouldn't have noticed that there was something scary going on inside of her. I know more of her and her struggle with this incurable illness through her brother and his girlfriend. They agonized over her illness and did everything they could to support her, love her and keep the faith for her.
Her big brother gave her his bone marrow, no questions asked. He wasn't even a 100% match, but they said that it may help, so he did it. She was in the best hospital in our country with the best doctors. They couldn't save her. They couldn't even figure out what to do to help her.
Her mother never left her side. I'm serious. Never. Left. Her. Side. That woman is amazing. I only visited Catherine twice in the hospital, but each time I watched the mom trying to do anything she could around the room to keep herself busy. I think she was trying to not look as scared and upset as she was. Both times I visited, Catherine and her mom asked about my upcoming wedding. I made them laugh about funny little shenanigans that were happening with the plans. We talked about finding Catherine a nice Greek boy once she was all better. She was trying to learn Greek while she was in the hospital as a distraction. We laughed about how awful both of us were with the language. We agreed that appreciating our culture was better late than never.
I so very much hoped that I would get to know her even better when she got healthy. N and I asked her to come to the wedding if she was having a good day, and it seemed like that may have been a possibility back in late February when we asked her. Just last week I sent her a card. I had sent a few over the past few months because I figured getting something through snail mail may be at least a little break from a boring day. At first I thought to myself, "what do I write to a girl I barely know?" But then I realized, it didn't matter. She could be any one of my friends. She could be anyone I know. She is a person who needs love and joy. So I wrote to Catherine some words of encouragement and faith.
She had faith. She was tough. She was courageous. She knew something bad could happen. But she pushed. As a side note, I also talked with her about insurance companies who were trying to refuse coverage for her medical care, which sickens me. She was too smart for them. They were trying to screw her over and she pushed back.
Catherine will never get her beautiful wedding she and her mother joked about with me. Which isn't fair. She won't have children. She won't have a husband who loves her implicitly. She won't get to see her big brother get married in a few years to my friend. She won't ever be as good a friend of mine as I hoped she would be. It's all not fair.
This decline of her's started in December, as an effort to once and for all cure her. Now it's May 3rd. The last six months of her life were in a hospital where she fought to find a way to live a better life, with out pain. The only way she found painlessness was through passing into the other place. That is the only silver lining I can see in this awful turn of events. Catherine is free from pain. Her family doesn't have to see her in pain. It's still not fair.
My best friend P asked me yesterday how I reconcile a situation like this- where God lets someone pass away who is a good person? It's back to the old predicament I have struggled with: Why to good things happen to bad people and bad things happen to good people? It's not fair. Life is not fair. God never promised that life would be fair. He never promised anyone wealth, health, or answered prayers, if you believe in Him. He only promised His love and eternal paradise in His Kingdom.
Which means that the bad things will happen to all of us at some point. But the good things will too. You have to keep your eyes and ears opened, because they may not be what you expect they will be. God's answer to your prayer may be different than what you expected. A good thing that may happen to you in the long term which may seem like a bad thing in the short term. Every single thing that happens in our lives is an opportunity to place our faith in God, that through Him, everything will be OK. The good and the bad. The awfully unfair things, too. Like Catherine passing away.
I don't understand it now, but there is a plan. I may never know anything about this plan, but what I do know is that I can love Catherine's family for her from here. I can give them a big hug when I see them. I can remember how awesome she was with them. I can pray that she is painless and free and happy!
God be with you, dear Catherine. I hope you are running marathons in the bright warm sun and living it up on that long long vacation you deserved. Say hi to my friend Ellen. Say hi to my Grandmother and Grandfather. Say hi to my puppy Coco. Say hi to my Thea Kay.... she'll crack you up. Ellen will too. May your memory be eternal!
