Sibling Appreciation

I love my sisters and they love me.  But I'm sure they'll agree that we all annoy the hell out of each other in a specific way more than any other person could.  However, if anyone messes with my sisters, I'll maim them in two seconds flat.  Siblings are the people that know where you came from in a way that no one else does.  It's important to have a touchstone to your past and siblings can provide that.

According to this video from Jeffrey Kluger, last born kids have more ability to charm, disarm,  intuit, funny, and dodge those punches from older siblings. They are all less often vaccinated as much as the older kids.  I'm a last born kid, and I accept that I am ALL of those thing.  I kid.  But I often wonder what birth order had to do with who I am today.  I am the shortest by the way in our family, as most younger kids typically are in a family.

He also mentions that the biggest trigger amongst siblings is property- kids are always fighting over toys and what is "fair."  But that is a part of growing up.  Learning what is fair, when to give up and when to hold your ground.  Then again, older siblings have the same problems it seems.

The speaker notes to viewers to make the most of those bonds with siblings.  His advice:  If sibling relationships are broken and can be fixed, fix them.  If you they work, make them better.  Failing to do so, is like having 1000 acres of fertile farmland and letting it lie fallow.

The answer is always...Compassion

"God is compassion, loving kindness. All we’re asked to do is to be in the world who God is. Certainly compassion was the wallpaper of Jesus’ soul, the contour of his heart, it was who he was. I heard someone say once, “Just assume the answer to every question is compassion.” "Fr. Gregory Boyle from the book Tattoos on the Heart ( inspiring book of a priest’s work among the gangs of LA)


Compassion is known as the greatest of virtues by philosophers and world religions. And I can see why.  Most of the time, it is so VERY hard to do.  


According to wiki, "Compassion is a virtue — one in which the emotional capacities of empathy and sympathy (for the suffering of others) are regarded as a part of love itself, and a cornerstone of greater social interconnection and humanism — foundational to the highest principles in philosophy, society, and personhood."

Push

In order to be good at anything, you must keep pushing.  It's imperative.  That is just the way it is.  The great Ira Glass knows this and shares his insight below:



Ira Glass on Storytelling from David Shiyang Liu on Vimeo.

Art is everywhere

Art is amazing.  Especially when you find it in unexpected places.



Snow Circles from Beauregard, Steamboat Aerials on Vimeo.

Thanks for making me feel like crap photoshopping

I hate reading articles like this, even though I realize they are published in order to make me feel better about myself:

Adele is beautiful.  And has an amazing voice.  Didn't you see her at the Grammy's? Then this article deflated my thoughts....

Treat.yo.self.

It would be great to think that someone is going to come out of no where and treat you special, the way you deserve to be.  But that almost never happens.  Sometimes, you just need to take care of yourself.  As they say on the wonderful show, "Parks and Recs,"  TREAT. YO. SELF.  see video below:

The Hardest Thing in the world

Forgiving another person from the heart is an act of liberation. We set that person free from the negative bonds that exist between us. We say, “I no longer hold your offense against you.” But there is more. We also free ourselves from the burden of being the “offended one.” As long as we do not forgive those who have wounded us, we carry them with us, or worse pull them as a heavy load. The great temptation is to cling in anger to our enemies and then define ourselves as being offended and wounded by them. Forgiveness therefore liberates not only the other but also ourselves. It is the way to the freedom of the children of God. 
Henri Nouwen

Choose you

"I have found that most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be."— Abraham Lincoln


Every day, when you wake up, you have options. I think, the most important one is to choose whether or not to make your day a happy one, or not.  Choose you.  Choose optimism.  Don't let all the negativity get you down.  

Powerful Prayer

I became friends on facebook with a guy who is a missionary in Africa. We share the same faith, so at the time, it didn't seem that odd to follow his path there.  Less than a few months later, I met his sister, and a year after that she has become a very good friend.  The kind that knows everything about me, supports me like a sister and I can count on for anything.  Now, the fact that I follow him on facebook doesn't seem nearly as odd.  

This morning, I saw this post of his, and it warmed me up.  I'm typically not one for formal prayers, but this one seemed so pointed and powerful.  The best part, it arrived via text from a Kenyan preacher.  

"Text message from a priest I know in Kenya after learning that I would most likely not be back there anytime soon: 'May God Remember you like Noah, Favour you like Moses, Honour you like Mary, Fight for you like the Israelites, Prosper you like Isaac, Promote you like Joseph, Intervene for you like Esther, Protect you like Daniel, Use you like Paul, Heal you like Naaman, Answer you like Elijah, Anoint you like David, Keep you safe like Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. This is my prayer for you 2day & always. BE BLESSED.' "

Finding Peace through Fear

PRESCRIPTION FOR HOPE AND FREEDOM

Choices That Attain Inner Peace

peace. peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise or problems or hard work.  It means to be in the midst of these things and still be calm in your heart and clear minded.

by Gerald G. Jampolsky, M.D. and Diane V. Cirincione, Ph.D.

Attitudinal Healing is the realization that it is not other people, events, stressful experiences or circumstances outside of our selves that cause us stress, conflict, or emotional upset. Rather, it is our own thoughts, feelings, attitudes and judgment about those things that actually cause us distress.

Thoughts I can choose to remember ...
 1.  Learn from my mistakes as well as those of others, and then let
      them go.
 2.  Only my own thoughts hurt me and only my own forgiveness
      sets me free.
 3.  The purpose of my relationships is to join, not separate.
 4.  Ask myself the question daily: Am I here to love or am I here
      to judge?
 5.  Remind myself that I am a spiritual being.
 6.  See no value in punishing myself with my thoughts.
 7.  Be willing to see the light and not the lampshade in others.
 8.  Be willing to see no shadow in anyone's past, including my own.
 9.  Remember that forgiveness is the greatest healer of all.
10. See no value in hurting others or myself with either my words
     or thoughts.
11. I may not be able to control the outside world, but I can control
     the thoughts in my own mind.
12. There is no enemy, no one is to blame.
13. Staying in the present prevents my getting stuck in the fear
      of the past or future.
14. Choose to see others as either loving, or as fearful and giving a
      call for help.
15. Be willing to ask each other for help, rather than attacking
      each other.
16. The best way to prevent burnout is to let go of all of my judgments.
17. Resist the temptation to gossip and spread rumors.
18. Be willing to be vulnerable.
19. Let go of any need to control others.
20. Others don't have to change in order for me to be happy.
21. Trust that change can ultimately have positive,
      rather than negative, results.
22. Accept responsibility for my own happiness.
23. Choose peace of mind as my own goal each and every day.
24. Forgiving others and myself totally and with no exceptions,
      is the key to inner peace, happiness, hope and freedom.
25. Be willing to meet for a short time daily with family, colleagues,
     or friends with the motivation of focusing on one
     of these thoughts throughout the day.

Why Marriage?

According to studies and research.....the way to ensure you have a successful marriage is to follow a few simple rules that I included below.  I found this information from another awesome TedTalk about What you don't know about marriage: More importantly, what it takes to have a successful marriage.

Happiest couples....

• Focus on the positive
• Men do more around the house.
• Women should be thinner and better looking than their husbands. 
• Don't win an Oscar. Aka- the Oscar Curse (hello, Hillary Swank, Halle Barry, Reese Wisherspoon, etc)
• Don't watch romantic comedies- makes our lives seem unbearably grim thereafter. 
• Don't drink booze.  (causes the crazy)
• Stay away from Divorcing couples. Divorce is contagious.  If a close couple friend gets divorced, it increases your chances of divorce by 75%. 

One reason TO do it?  The legal benefits. There are1000 legal benefits of being married according to the federal government.   Need more reasons to consider it? Married people make more money.  They're happier.  They have more sex than single people.  They raise more emotionally healthy kids.  They live longer.

A few things to consider....just sayin'!

Forgiveness does alter your future

“Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.”—Paul Boese

I write about forgiveness a lot because there is someone I can't forgive.  I try, but I'm not 100% there yet.  I've been working on it for what seems like forever.  I may never get there, but I think I will.  I know that I'm closer today than I was last year.  So at least there is some progress. 

I was reading this blog post on Positively Positive about how forgiveness sets YOU free.  You don't do it to benefit the other person, rather to help yourself.  It's a great perspective to take.  The ability to unburden yourself is, ultimately, 

The most common misconception about forgiveness is that two people are required for it to work. This is not true. You can forgive people who are no longer here, or with whom you no longer have contact. Forgiving is all about you. Deciding whether to hold anger or release it occurs in your mind. How do you want to feel? What do you want taking up space in your brain and body? It’s your choice. Forgiveness is not condoning the actions of the other party. It is not rolling over and giving up. It is not giving in or losing anything. Forgiveness frees YOU from resentment prison.

As the article notes, and I have found to be true, "Ultimately, forgiveness is for the forgiver."

Being Mindful

Being mindful about, well, anything, is one of the keys to life.  In fact, I was just reading an article about how "mindful eating" is all the rage these days.  It stems for a Buddhist tradition of really processing the flavor, the texture, the color, the aroma of what we put into our bodies.  Me?  I eat fast, too much of some stuff, not enough of others.... kg=hot mess.  Therefore, I find this experiment intriguing.  I also realize this means I have to try to harness one of the aspects of my being that I struggle with:  patience.  

I found it to be true when I read, “So many people now have found themselves in an adversarial relationship with food, which is very tragic,” Dr. Bays said. “Eating should be a pleasurable activity.”

According to the article, " the ingredient that helps mindful eating gain traction in mainstream American culture: flavor."

Take a look.  Try it. Tell me what you think.  

Success (II)

There are keys to success.  They may vary from person to person, but inherently, they are relativity the same and come down to a list of expected suggestions.  I love lists- I love generating them, and crossing things off of them.  It makes me so very happy.  I also like to read other people's lists:  Check this out

The only thing in life you have control over is your perspective. No matter what happens, YOU control what the meaning is, and what to do with the meaning you give to the circumstance.

Have more fear of regret than failure.

Failure is only part of the journey to success. There is not one success story out there that hasn’t experienced failure. The reason you are hearing about it as a success story is because those people saw failure as a tool to get it right.

It’s not about what you want to do for a living, it’s about who you who want to be. What is your purpose and legacy?  I believe the age-old question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” is wrong. We need to be asking, “Who do you want to be? What footprint do you want to leave in this world?” From there, you will have your answer as to what you should “do.”

Stay focused on your race within. When you are too busy looking behind and around you, people are passing you by.

True leadership comes from good energy. Worry more about what your energy is like than the firmness your handshake.

Life will give you the same challenges/problems over and over again until you learn your lesson.

Until you jump over your inner roadblocks, your outer ones will stay firmly in place. We spend so much time focused on all the exterior obstacles around us, letting them be our excuses. But the more clear and aware we are of our internal roadblocks, and dissolve them, the external roadblocks will begin to disappear, too.

The most successful people are the ones that work on themselves first.

Do not judge—be inspired. If you are too busy judging everyone and everything around you, you are not remaining open to find inspiration in everyone and everything around you.

You are not allowed to complain about something unless you are going to do something about it.

Surround yourself with people you want to be like.

Learn to become comfortable with being uncomfortable. The more fears you face, the more you will grow.

Always ask, “What if?” and, “Why Not?” Instead of thinking, “What if I fail?” ask, “What if I succeed?”

Creativity is your unlimited capital. Understand and harness its power.

“I only have good days.” If you start off everyday with this mindset, even when challenges emerge, your positive mindset will help you overcome them more readily.

Create your own footprint. You do not need to do what others have done before you.

Hit the “mental reset button.” When you are thinking negative thoughts, envision hitting the “delete” button in your mind and begin to rewrite a better story.

Abundance is everywhere. You must choose to see it and believe it in order to fully experience it.

There is a lesson in everything that happens to us—wisdom to be gained and gratitude to be given. Begin with gratitude and everything else will reveal itself.

Real Women

I hate leaving the house without make up on.  I only do it if I'm going somewhere that I'm pretty certain I know I won't run into anyone I know, or anyone that will care (like my best friends). Or somewhere that I can easily dodge and weave people I know without them seeing my hideous non-makeup'd face.  I'm serious.  I think I look bizarre and hideous with out eyeliner on.  I hate my eyelashes.  They are straight and don't easily curl!

I was in church this past week, feeling pretty great because I had on a cute dress and my makeup was done just so.  Somehow, my boyfriend and I started chatting (bad me!) about something and he tells me- very nonchalantly- that he prefers me without make up. I'm serious.  I still can't believe he is, but he said it.  I realize I should be happy, but I found it disturbing.

No wonder why.  Here's another example of how advertising messes with our heads.  This woman is beautiful by any stretch of our imagination.  But they use computers to make her look unrealistically perfect.  This is what we compare ourselves to.

Hope from Detroit

Superbowl Ads usually drive me crazy.  Although I really did love the one with Betty White playing football.  But then I saw this one, and I really liked it.  I got it. I feel it. I appreciated the sentiment.  Smart move, Chrysler.

No Regrets- Love Right

“Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about those who don’t. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would most likely be worth it.”  -Harvey MacKay


This about sums it up, no?

Creating Lasting Positive Change

I love ted.com.  I always learn something when I watch the speeches people make.    Take a look at the preceding presentation. It's one of my recent favorites. This gentleman studies happiness, which is a favorite topic of mine.  He mentions that studies show that if you do the below, you can certainly create positive change.

Try it.  What's the worst that can happen?  Small Changes Ripple Outward

• 3 Gratitudes
• Journalism
• Exercise
• Mediation
• Random Acts of Kindness

Friendship

"Of all the things that wisdom provides to help one live one's entire life in happiness, the greatest by far is the possession of friendship."— Epicurus


I have good friends. I'm lucky to have them, that much is obvious to me.  I feel like gushing a bit here, and I certainly don't mean to brag, but I can't tell you how much their support has influenced my life.  The best part?  They believe for me, when I can't believe myself.  And vice versa. 


Case in point- for years, I would go through the up and downs of dating.  They would laugh with me when I had a horrible date story.  They would help put my pieces back together when things didn't go the way I thought.  And when I lost hope, they would (every time!) tell me, with 100% confidence that it would work out.  They believed for me.  I trusted that their faith meant something, even when I simply couldn't be positive that it would. 


That is one of the most powerful treasures I know in the world- the support of a friend.  Thank you, Girls!  You are the best.  

When I'm a mom....

Tina Fey’s “A Mother’s Prayer for Her Daughter”

The awesome Tina Fey (whom I met one amazing day) wrote a hilarious and touching prayer for her 5-year-old daugher Alice in her memior Bossypants.  When I read this, I immediately thought about how much my mother went through raising me and my sisters.  And then I thought- "Oh, #(%@! If I'm lucky, I'm going to be a mom one day...I may have to keep this prayer handy."

---------------------------------

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered,

May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half

And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her

When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the nearby subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock N’ Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance.

Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes

And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You because if I knew, I’d be doing it, Youdammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. 

Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long,

For Childhood is short — a Tiger Flower blooming

Magenta for one day –

And Adulthood is long and Dry-Humping in Cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever,

That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers

And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister,

Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends,

For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it.

And should she choose to be a Mother one day, be my eyes, Lord,

That I may see her, lying on a blanket on the floor at 4:50 a.m., all-at-once exhausted, bored, and in love with the little creature whose poop is leaking up its back.

“My mother did this for me once,” she will realize as she cleans feces off her baby’s neck.

“My mother did this for me.” And the delayed gratitude will wash over her as it does each generation and she will make a Mental note to call me. And she will forget.

But I’ll know, because I peeped it with Your God eyes.

Amen.