Customer Service Rant

I had an issue with a customer service representative today.  I got frustrated. I've been trying to resolve this issue for at least six months at this point.  They asked me to send (via fax, email and snail mail) the same information at least Eight times. Eight!   I was pissed.    

Today, I finally told the representative that I no longer needed their help, as I was giving up on what I was trying to accomplish.  I had attempted to resolve this issue for so long, that it was actually no longer relevant.  They took too darn long.  I then proceeded to tell this representative what I thought of this company which is "too big to fail", what was wrong with not only this company, companies like them, but also with the process, as well as legislation written to combat against companies like this.   I explained to the representative that I wasn't mad at him, but at the situation.  And his industry.  I let it out.  

Did I accomplish anything?  No.  Do I feel better?  Not really.   And while I knew that would be the case, I did it anyway.  

Customer service people get me on the wrong side of the phone at least twice a year.  Another thing to work on.   

Advice to live by

Saw this on a site today, and couldn't help but feel inspired...

Change

I saw this terribly powerful piece of art showing a metamorphoses.  This woman shows the world her process of change.   I think its a bold and courageous move.  

Don't be Disagreeable

There is a way to do it, and a way not to do it.  As my mom always told me, "its HOW you say it that matters," and of course, she is right.

Well being

"Well-being is attained little by little, and nevertheless it is no little thing itself." - Zeno of Citium

Well being is the state of being happy, healthy or prosperous.  I've learned you can't have it all at once, and you can't rush it. 

Not perfect enough

How often our prayer is false because we try to present ourselves to God not as we are, but as we imagine He wants us to be. We come to him in our Sunday best or in borrowed finery. It is important that before we start to pray we should take time to recollect ourselves, to reflect and become aware of the real state in which we present ourselves to the Lord. 
Metropolitan Anthony Bloom

I like things to be just so.  Perfect.  I like to be perfect.  But just because I like something doesn't mean I get it.  Because I'm not perfect.  I am who I am.  Not perfect at all.  And that's ok.  

Lesson Learned

N and I are looking at houses.  It's been a fun but challenging process.  I'm more of an online shopper. I don't really like running around looking for things.  I like to find my online coupon codes, wait for the sales, and get a deal.  N is the type of guy who likes to go to the stores, try things on for size, feel them, and in general waste a lot of time (in my opinion). I'm not a fan of his approach.

While we look at houses we really have to drive around a lot and check out the houses in person.  It's hard to get a feel for a neighborhood or a community unless you drive around it and see it.  Feel it.

This is a perfect example of learning something from N.  I've had to consider the possibility that there is an alternative way to approach the task at hand.  In fact, there may be a better way altogether.

Parental Advice

Sometimes I wonder what it will be like to have kids that depend on you for everything.  It scares me.  Especially when I think about how hard it was for me growing up.  If I have a son, I'll be even more lost.  I was raised with two big sisters.

When I read articles like this, I'm encouraged.  A list of 25 things shouldn't be too hard to remember, right?

1. It’s harder to take a punch than to throw one.

2. Find the people who make you laugh and follow them around like a golden retriever. Laughing is like a vitamin. You can never get enough of it.

3. A guy who hugs a lot is comfortable in his own skin.

4. Read poetry.

5. There’s nothing wrong with looking at porn, but having sex with someone you care about is a thousand times more fun.

6. When you feel like crying, for joy or out of pain, let 'er rip. If you don’t get those tears out, they will calcify in your chest and make it harder to love as fully and deeply as you would like to.

7. Crank the tunes when you have to clean the house.

8. Look deeply into the eyes of the one you are falling for to get a glimpse of his or her soul.

9. Spend a chunk of time every year with people who are much less fortunate than you are. It will fill your heart with gratitude.

10. Never lie about anything really important. The first lie will cause you to have to lie again and again to cover up the truth. And each time you’ll chip away an important piece of yourself.

11. Find work that makes you happy. If you canchange the world in the process all the better.

12. If you get the chance to travel across the country or across the globe, take it. You will learn way more from people who are different from you than the ones who are the same.

13. Doing nothing is better than doing the wrong thing. But you are going to make mistakes. Tons of them. The real question is what you will learn from them.

14. Don’t be in any rush to get married. Divorce really sucks. A good marriage can start when you’re 21 or 61.

15. There’s nothing wrong with a Cuban cigar once in a while.

16. Money and power look good, but they won’t fill your being with joy the way your family will.

17. If you like guys, I will fight for your ability to have equal rights in every way.

18. Find a way to move your body that gives you pleasure. You don’t have to be an athlete to be a man, but your body is a temple and you need to care for it, enjoy it, and use it to express yourself.

19. Drinking can be fun in moderation. Just make sure to ask for help if you find yourself blacking out or doing things you regret.

20. Radical honesty will get you very far in this world. Most people don’t have the guts to speak their mind, regardless of the consequences.

21. Always give your spouse birthday presents in bed.

22. Find a spirituality that you can wear like a loose coat that keeps you warm no matter the weather. God should provide you comfort not make you feel ashamed of yourself.

23. Sex is great but holding your spouse in the middle of the night is one of the best feelings any guy can have.

24. Live passionately. Dream big. Don’t back down.

25. Always remember I love you, no matter what happens. You cannot lose me. I will always be there.

-- Written by Tom Matlack for The Good Men Project

Excess Baggage

When you literally have too much stuff, it can be burdensome.  Everything can't have sentimental value, but it is easy to be attached to what possessions represent to us.  Objects have meaning and in some cases objects mean more to some people than others.

My suggestion is to clean house once a season. Give, sell or trash what you don't need or want.  If you haven't used something in a year, I'm 95% sure you won't use it again.  I personally try to adhere to a one in, one out policy.  If I get something new, I have to get rid of something old.  The concept is supposed to force me to keep myself accountable to my possessions.

I know "trimming the fat" as I say,  is easier said than done for some people.  N is pretty attached to his possessions.  He hates letting go of, or throwing away, anything.  Most of the time, this drives me nuts.   But life is about celebrating minor successes.  Last week, he threw out a pair of socks that had holes in them.  I gave him a high five.

Freedom and Commandments

"We have to teach people about the crucial things of life: life, death, freedom and so on. Now we have freedom to worship in Albania and people are free, at least outwardly, but freedom, like anything else, can be abused. People were not used to freedom and we had to teach them that the freedom should have some boundaries—not to limit their freedom, but to help them to be free. 
I tried to give to them some examples. In Albania, the roads are mostly in the mountains and some of those that run alongside precipices have railings or walls for protection. These are not to limit the freedom of the drivers, but to protect them. So too, the boundaries set by God’s commandments are not to limit our freedom, but to help us, to save us and to make us free. All the commandments—‘don’t do that, don’t do this’—are to help us. "
Metropolitan John of Korc

Retaliation

I let out a sneaky laugh when I read this news story.  I love reading about people who react after being held back for far too long.  This woman is a hero. I salute you, dear friend.  

Fight the power!

Know it all

I think I'm a know it all.  In fact, I know I'm a know it all.  It's something I have worked on over the years.  In a group setting if a teacher asked a question and I knew the answer, I would want to scream out the answer immediately!  I wanted everyone to think I was smart, and I wanted the accomplishment of winning in any way possible.

Sometimes N and I will be talking about nothing special and he'll say something I know is incorrect.  I'll immediately want to tell him he's wrong, prove it and then tell him, "See, see!  Told you so!!" I realize that it's best not to rub being wrong in someone's face.  It's just that being right feels so good!

It's better to admit this short coming so I can work on it a little bit more.  After all, there is always more work to be done.

Long term loyalty

I learned about loyalty the hard way.  I've felt the sting of friends not being who I thought they were supposed to be.  The biggest lesson came by witnessing disloyal people screw over my Dad while working with him.  It didn't happen once or twice, but countless times.

As an adult, I understand that people are generally self-interested.  I get that people make mistakes.  But I will never be ok with people treating my Dad like crap.  In particular, because my Dad is a sweet and generous man.  One of his biggest flaws is that he is blind to people's self-interest.  He typically sees only the good in people until its too late.  Part of this is because his faith instructs him to do so.  Part of it is because he doesn't want to see the evil that exists in this world, even though he knows its there.  The man fought in the Vietnam War- he empirically knows horrible people exist who do horrible things to other people.  He chooses to look beyond it, and through it- still.

The best example of loyalty I have ever seen comes from my Dad's most valued employee- I'll call him Wayne for the purposes of this post.  Wayne came to work for my Dad almost 25 years ago after a childish mistake landed him in Jail. He knew he made a mistake and was interested in starting his life fresh. My Dad gave him a shot, and in exchange earned Wayne's loyalty for life.   When other employees bailed on my Dad, Wayne never did.  If he ever needed anything, Wayne was there.

This man is in my Dad's will, and although he never had to ask, Dad made me promise that I would always make sure that Wayne is taken care of if my Dad isn't there to do so himself.   If someone screws over my Dad it's like they screwed me over.  If someone is loyal to my Dad, they have my fidelity in return.  For as long as I live.

Happy Birthday to ME

Today is my 32nd birthday.  I remember looking in the mirror the day after my 31st birthday and seeing four (not 3) but four gray eyelashes surrounding what I still thought were my youthful eyes.  I thought about plucking them out, but let them fall out on their own.   I don't have any more left.  I noticed last week that my mom has a few. Now I know where I get them from.  The gray makes me feel older.

So, here I am a year later, getting married and moving.  I'm going through a lot of transition, but I have to say I'm happier than I've ever been.  That doesn't mean my life is perfect.  It doesn't mean that every day is full of bliss. I had plenty of worries too.   I wouldn't wish my professional challenges that I've had in the last year on anyone.

I'm looking forward to what the next year brings.  If it's anything half as good as this past year has been, it will be wonderful 

Leaving my home sweet home

I've lived in this area for most of my life with a few exceptions - the first few years of my life and when I went off to college.  It's comfortable. My friends and family are here.  My job is here.  It has everything.  It's home.

I have chosen to leave this place to move to N's home town. This was a huge decision.  In the beginning I remember thinking, "OH. Hell. No! He is definitely moving up here.  There is no way I'm leaving this glorious city for that second rate city."  It's funny how time changes things.

I know my friends want me to be happy.  But I also know they are forcing themselves to excitedly exclaim their support for my huge life decision.  That's what I would be doing.  I'd be thinking, "NO!  Don't you dare leave me!  It's not fair!  You are stupid!  Don't ever leave me!"  So, I don't judge.

All of this is so new.  It is scary. But it's also exciting to consider the prospect of experiencing something new.  I'm fairly certain I never would have gotten the gumption to move if it wasn't for falling in love.  And I always wanted to move somewhere new.

Plus, it's not too far away.  I vow to always make time for road trips.

Good People are Everywhere

The other day, I was touched by a random act of kindness.  And again, by this one.  This gives me hope!  Hurrah to good people :)  Keep your eyes peeled.  If you are in doubt, there is bound to be one lurking around the corner.

"We've Already Won"

By the time you read this post, September 11th will have passed.  I'm writing this post the evening of September 11th looking back on the day I had.  Today was the 11th Anniversary of September 11th.  I can remember exactly where I was and what I was thinking when I started to piece together in my mind what was happening the morning of September 11th.

I was a Senior in college and it was a beautiful Tuesday morning. I was excited to bike to campus to go to my History class.  I was still confused when I left for campus because at that time only the first tower had been hit.  Initially it didn't seem obvious that the building would collapse as a result of the intense fire that erupted from the massive amounts of fuel that were in the planes.  I thought that the situation was bad, but not so bad I should stay home from class.  Later, I was in for a shock when the scale of the tragedy left me heartbroken, scared, shocked and completely horrified by how awful human beings treat one another.  

Since I wasn't exactly sure what to do about my 10am class that morning, I headed in.  By the time I made it to campus I heard the updates that a plane hit the Pentagon and another may be headed to the Capitol Building.  I was paranoid by this point and wanted to run out of that class to call my Dad and my sisters whom I knew would be in the city by that time of day at work.  I'll never forget that my Professor with a strict attendance policy announced that people could leave the class, but they would be penalized one of our two available days to miss class if we left.  It was a no-brainer for me- I looked at him with anger, and left.  I still think he's an A-hole.  Eleven years later.  He never rescinded that damn missed class policy for those of us that left class on September 11!  I still ponder where his compassion was?

I sat riveted by the events captured on TV for the rest of that day with all of my housemates.  I'm still brought to tears when I remember watching my Afghan-American roommate and very good friend sob because of what those men, who shared a heritage with her, did.

The phone lines were busy when I called home to my family back in DC.  That made me even more paranoid.  Thank God everyone was ok.  To correct myself, I should say, the people I know were OK   There are thousands of those who lost their lives that day simply because of their Nationality.  They were never OK again.

Unfortunately, it's easy to forget in the world we live in that there are hundreds of thousands of others that have lost their lives in recent history because of their nationality, or their religion, race, sexual orientation, etc.  It will never be ok.  Murder is never justified.

I love this video because it shows the raw shock and pain our country suffered after September 11th. John Stewart wisely points out that we were never beaten, and already won the war the Terrorists waged against us because we got back on our feet instantaneously after the attacks with the spirit, hard work and ingenuity of our people.

After 9/11, I felt a sense of community that I had never seen before.  They say it was how bonded the US was after we were attacked at Pearl Harbor.  It may be silly, but I remember after Sept 11, people were nicer on the road even.  They would actually let you in when you were trying to merge lanes!  It may sound trivial, but something that minor shows how our attitudes changed as citizens in large and small ways.

Raising Kids

Sometimes I wonder what it will be like to have kids that depend on you for everything.  It scares me.  Especially when I think about how hard it was for me growing up.

When I read articles like this, I'm encouraged.  A list of 25 things shouldn't be too hard to remember, right?

1. It’s harder to take a punch than to throw one.

2. Find the people who make you laugh and follow them around like a golden retriever. Laughing is like a vitamin. You can never get enough of it.

3. A guy who hugs a lot is comfortable in his own skin.

4. Read poetry.

5. There’s nothing wrong with looking at porn, but having sex with someone you care about is a thousand times more fun.

6. When you feel like crying, for joy or out of pain, let 'er rip. If you don’t get those tears out, they will calcify in your chest and make it harder to love as fully and deeply as you would like to.

7. Crank the tunes when you have to clean the house.

8. Look deeply into the eyes of the one you are falling for to get a glimpse of his or her soul.

9. Spend a chunk of time every year with people who are much less fortunate than you are. It will fill your heart with gratitude.

10. Never lie about anything really important. The first lie will cause you to have to lie again and again to cover up the truth. And each time you’ll chip away an important piece of yourself.

11. Find work that makes you happy. If you can change the world in the process all the better.

12. If you get the chance to travel across the country or across the globe, take it. You will learn way more from people who are different from you than the ones who are the same.

13. Doing nothing is better than doing the wrong thing. But you are going to make mistakes. Tons of them. The real question is what you will learn from them.

14. Don’t be in any rush to get married. Divorce really sucks. A good marriage can start when you’re 21 or 61.

15. There’s nothing wrong with a Cuban cigar once in a while.

16. Money and power look good, but they won’t fill your being with joy the way your family will.

17. If you like guys, I will fight for your ability to have equal rights in every way.

18. Find a way to move your body that gives you pleasure. You don’t have to be an athlete to be a man, but your body is a temple and you need to care for it, enjoy it, and use it to express yourself.

19. Drinking can be fun in moderation. Just make sure to ask for help if you find yourself blacking out or doing things you regret.

20. Radical honesty will get you very far in this world. Most people don’t have the guts to speak their mind, regardless of the consequences.

21. Always give your spouse birthday presents in bed.

22. Find a spirituality that you can wear like a loose coat that keeps you warm no matter the weather. God should provide you comfort not make you feel ashamed of yourself.

23. Sex is great but holding your spouse in the middle of the night is one of the best feelings any guy can have.

24. Live passionately. Dream big. Don’t back down.

25. Always remember I love you, no matter what happens. You cannot lose me. I will always be there.

-- Written by Tom Matlack for The Good Men Project

Love thy neighbor

I love the fact that in what can seem like a lonely world, the internet brings people together.  In this instance a stranger comforts another stranger who is suicidal.

The whole post is worth a read, but one of the best parts is exerted here:

"I care about you very deeply, me personally, I care about you. And I don't even know who you are. You sent your message in anonymously and I can't presume to know who sent it. But you are a person and you're in a lot of pain and you need help, and as another human who has been in at least similar pain, I want you to know — I care so much about you. If it turns out that you're already one of my best friends in the world, I care about you. If you're someone I've literally never interacted with in any way before this, I care about you. You are a person and you're in pain and that makes me care. That makes a lot of people care. I would stop on the street if I saw someone crying. I'd ask if they're ok. Tons of people would. And even though it doesn't seem like it right now, there are tons of people like that in your life and who you might randomly come across who would genuinely care and and want to stop and help and make sure you get through this, and make sure you get the help you need. I promise you. There's so, so, so many people you might come across — from your own sister to total strangers — who would be willing to do their part and listen to you just because it's the right and kind thing to do. Because you deserve that kindness."

As a Christian, I was raised to love all "men" (and women).  Even the ones that annoy me.  Even the ones that scare me.  Even the ones I don't even know -nor will I ever meet.   Keep that in mind when you avert your eyes to a stranger who looks like they may need a smile to brighten their day.  Something as simple as a smile can help someone who is feeling alone and scared.   It has certainly helped me out on more than a few horrible days.

This may be stating the obvious here, but you don't have to be a Christian, or even a person of faith to be a good person.  It's really just the nice thing to do.  Also, a huge shout out to the stranger, Chris Gethard who wrote this inspirational post that brought me to tears.  I CARE ABOUT YOU TOO!  

Suicide Prevention

It's one of the silent killers.  It's not heart disease, prostate or breast cancer.  It's something far more obvious and earily present almost anywhere you look:  Suicide.

Unfortunately, everyone knows someone that's been affected by the loss of someone they love to Suicide, which is a direct result of depression.

Today is suicide prevention day.  Take a look.  Tell someone you care.  Be the change.

If you are the type of person that loves a good love story-  you have to check this out.  It's a 16th century love letter from a Korean woman to her deceased husband who died far too young.

"June 1, 1586

You always said, "Dear, let's live together until our hair turns gray and die on the same day." How could you pass away without me? Who should I and our little boy listen to and how should we live? How could you go ahead of me?

How did you bring your heart to me and how did I bring my heart to you? Whenever we lay down together you always told me, "Dear, do other people cherish and love each other like we do? Are they really like us?" How could you leave all that behind and go ahead of me?

I just cannot live without you. I just want to go to you. Please take me to where you are. My feelings toward you I cannot forget in this world and my sorrow knows no limit. Where would I put my heart in now and how can I live with the child missing you?

Please look at this letter and tell me in detail in my dreams. Because I want to listen to your saying in detail in my dreams I write this letter and put it in. Look closely and talk to me.

When I give birth to the child in me, who should it call father? Can anyone fathom how I feel? There is no tragedy like this under the sky.

You are just in another place, and not in such a deep grief as I am. There is no limit and end to my sorrows that I write roughly. Please look closely at this letter and come to me in my dreams and show yourself in detail and tell me. I believe I can see you in my dreams. Come to me secretly and show yourself. There is no limit to what I want to say and I stop here."

Strong women rock

Good job, lady.  I wish I was closer to give you a shout out in person.  This is the type of person who is fighting the good fight!

Nothing will make her life better.  Nothing will change what happened in the past.  But this will at least right a bit of what was wronged.

Check it out here:

Another Approach

N and I are looking at houses.  It's been a fun but challenging process.  I'm more of an online shopper. I don't really like running around looking for things.  I like to find my online coupon codes, wait for the sales, and get a deal.  N is the type of guy who likes to go to the stores, try things on for size, feel them, and in general waste a lot of time (in my opinion). I'm not a fan of his approach.

So while we look at houses we really have to drive around a lot and check out the houses in person.  It's hard to get a feel for a neighborhood or a community unless you drive around it and see it.  Feel it.  This time we have to do it his way.

His approach forces me to be more patient.  My approach forces him to be more efficient.  Each have alternative benefits that we acknowledge.   

Friends for Life

I have a best friend. In fact, I'm lucky enough to have a few.  I would be heart broken if one of them came down with a serious illness.  When I saw this article about Kellie Pickler's friend getting cancer I immediately thought about my own girls.  What would I do in that situation?  I'd probably do the same damn thing- in a heart beat.  What am I speaking about?  To honor her best friend,  Kellie Pickler shaved her head to match her bestie who is going through chemotherapy.

Quite a few years ago I thought my oldest friend had cancer.  I was devastated.  I jumped to the wrong conclusion immediately and the drama ran off with me.  I heard a conversation wrong because I was so worried and I couldn't help but think about the worst case scenario.  I remember calling my mom immediately sobbing as I was driving on the highway.  I still remember exactly what I was wearing and exactly where I was on the road when I called my mom sobbing.  She didn't have cancer.  THANK GOD.  I wouldn't even know what to do with myself if she did.

I'd probably shave my head.

Payback's a .....

Bestie J just reminded me of a funny story from many moons ago.  A few of us went to a fall wine festival.  In order to get there we took the metro and then a bus.  We left early in the morning and stayed there until the late afternoon.

We were excited to have a fun activity to fill up our weekend so we were laughing and giggling on the way there.  We rarely let something as silly as being in public stop us from being ourselves.
Never.  That means that we typically either entertain or annoy others folks in our proximity.  There was a girl on the bus ride who was not entertained by us or anything we had to say.  She was giving us some serious looks of judgement and bitchiness.

The festival was fun.  We drank.  We bought wine.  We bought snacks like these amazing home made potato chips and kettle corn.  I took what I'll refer to as a "power nap" for a while and was out of commission.  It was excellent.

Fast forward to the bus ride home.  Guess who was sitting in front of us?  The not-so-nice BI who was giving us looks earlier in the day. Guess who almost immediately got sick as soon as we sat down?  She did.   Guess who offered said BI napkins and water and sincere words of encouragement? We did.

By the time we left that bus she was loving us, and I know she was second guessing her original attitude toward us earlier in the day.   This story is a perfect example of payback being a BI.  Best watch yourself people!

Speak out

Yesterday I was telling you yesterday about my interaction with my neighbors.  I was intrigued when some neighborhood politics came up in conversation.  A few months ago I received an email from one of the neighbors about a somewhat controversial topic which was sent to my neighbors.    The leader of the pack wanted us to all join together to basically sign a petition to speak out to a developer who planned to demolish the house across the street and build a brand new one.   He didn't want a larger house to be built in its place of the the little one.

Keep in mind this gentleman did the exact same thing two years ago when he tore down his smaller house to build a much larger one. I wasn't quite sure why he had an issue considering his own "little" renovation.

No one wrote back to the email except me.  I put together an email to respond back to the group and told him that I didn't feel comfortable attempting to restrict someone else's rights to do what they wanted on their own property and a few other comments. I was nice but frank.

Today I was told by a neighbor that she was happy I wrote what I did and she completely agreed.  She never got a chance to respond herself, but wanted to.

I'm really happy I spoke my mind.  It goes to show you how often there may be others that share your opinion, but don't have the time, energy or gumption to do anything about it.

Speak your mind, people.

Being Neighborly

I've lived on my block for over six years now.  I'm friendly enough, but not terribly close with my neighbors.  I mind my own business and try to be sure I don't bother anyone with an unkempt yard.  When it snows, I try to help clean the snow from my neighbor's sidewalk along with my own.  It's a nice place.

Now I'm moving and I'm a bit sad I'm leaving my friendly little street.  I ran into my next door neighbor and another this evening when we came home from work at the same time.  I told them I was leaving and they seemed sad.  I'm still touched by their sincere wishes for a happy future for N and myself.

I wish I had made a bit more of an effort to get to know them all better.  I'll make more of an effort in my new neighborhood.  

Politics and Hate

I fancy myself an Independent politically.  Why?  Because I don't agree with either party about much.  I don't care if that means my vote is "wasted" if I vote for an Independent candidate.  I don't care if that means I flip flop between the two major parties.  What matters to me is that I evaluate each candidate equally and fairly, no matter what.

I don't get how you can be pro-abortion, but anti-death penalty.  They both, in my opinion, eliminate lives.  That doesn't mean I'm pro-life necessarily, and it doesn't mean I'm against the death-penalty either   My point is that these political positions don't leave a lot of room for rationality.

I just read this article about Christians and Politics.  I kinda loved it because so many people comment about the election and how "evil" and "wrong" a certain candidate is.  You could really say that about anything or anyone if you wanted to.

I don't think there is a lot of room for judgement from religious folks when it comes to politics.  If we followed our faiths, we'd steer away from politics as much as possible.

Then again, what do I know?