Bullying

I'm pretty sure there were times when I went along with bullying, even if I wasn't leading the way.  In fact, I know it.  I remember I made fun of this girl's shoes in third grade.  To be honest, they aren't anything I would appreciate, even today.  They were blue felt like material with gold brocade on them.  I told this girl, (whom I soon thereafter became best friend's with) they were ugly.

Somehow, Dolly found out.  (Dolly is my mom).  She found out I made this girl cry.  She yelled at me!  She made me call the girl and apologize after school.  She made me realize how much of a B I was. 

Thank God she did! 

I didn't realize that you don't always have to say what you are thinking.  In fact, you shouldn't.  I also learned as I grew older that sticking up for the little guy, the defenseless, gave me far more pride, than laughing at someone else's supposed shortcomings. 

In college, when I should have known better, I got super angry.  This random guy was making fun of my friend.  Truth be told, I was inebriated;  I got so pissed, I punched him.  I'm not proud of my use of physical violence.  I point this out to exhibit how far I came- and I never would have gotten there if my mom hadn't steadied my course.   Thanks, Mom!

This poor girl wasn't so lucky.  People, especially kids, can be such D's.  Poor hairy Greek kid.  I wish she was at my elementary school and we could have laughed about how ridiculous being Greek is. 

All we need is love

I'm not Catholic; I am an Orthodox Christian.  I am pleased to see who Pope Francis is.  As he shares his ideas, and takes action to spread love, understanding and kindness around the world, I am impressed.  I truly feel as though, he gets it.  He understands, and is willing to lead by example. 

The point of Christianity is love, and eternal salvation by attempting to be Christ-like.  That goes for all Christianity, despite the sect you follow. 

If we focus on what separates us, rather than what we agree on, we will never negotiate the chasm between us. 

 

Pay it forward, for those that can't any longer

I was terribly moved by the story of a kind hearted girl who is no longer with us, and the affect her life had on the world. 

Read here:

Why Honesty is the best policy

As I became older, I found that being myself, being authentic, felt better.  It came with challenges along the way, but I grew to like myself better.  I wasn't hiding from how I really felt.  I felt it freeing to be able to communicate and share with authenticity. 

This article popped up, and I immediately could relate. Here are the steps which note the "7 Things that happen when you are completely Honest"

1) People Will Stop Speaking to You
2) People Will Think You Are Going to Hurt Yourself
3) People Will Think You're Crazy
4) People Will Get Frightened
5) People Will Find You Entertaining
6) People Will Trust Your Advice
7) You Will Become Free
 

Love vs. Infatuation

I found the title of this article jarring.  Then I read it, and couldn't help but relate.  I've only been married for four months.  But I already feel very differently about my husband than I did before we got married or even from when I met him almost four years ago.  A lot has changed. 

Infatuation is defined as:

in·fat·u·a·tion: [ in fàchoo áysh'n ]   1. temporary passion: an intense but short-lived and irrational passion for somebody or something

Love, as I know it now, is far different than I felt when I knew, that he was the one for me.  I know it will change even more over time.

As the article notes, "No, love isn’t an emotion or even a noun.  It’s a verb.  Better defined as giving.  As putting someone else’s needs above your own. Why wasn’t I getting reciprocal lovey-doveyness when we were first married?  Because it wasn’t for her.  It was for me.  An emotion I had in my chest. And even when I let it out of my chest, it wasn’t love.  Being sappy isn’t love.  Telling someone you love them doesn’t mean that you do. "

Another day, another tragedy

Today was a tragic day in Washington, DC.  I hate to focus on the evil violence.  I can't help but be sad about the tragedy.  Thirteen people including a gunman was killed today at the Washington Navy Yard.  It was a massacre.
I worked very close by for 12 years.  My company has done work at the site.  I have been there for a few meetings.  I have walked around that campus and around those city blocks.  I know someone who was there sheltering in place in the Medical Building.  My best friend's husband is a police officer who was thankfully not working there today. 

This awful turn of events reminds me of the Mr. Rogers quote:

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping,'" Fred Rogers, Mister Rogers Parenting Book.

We can focus on the bad stuff or the good.  Like some colleagues helping their blind coworker escape today.  That is the good stuff. 

May God be with the families of the victims, and may their memory be eternal!

If you are an American - you're an American

I got shivers and teared up by the end of this video. This is what patriotism is.  In my opinion, those people who defended the Muslim man, are what my country stands for.  It is why we are great.  It is how the United States became a super power in less than 150 years, and still are today. 
 

How to turn hate into love

I don't use the word "hate" in my every day vernacular.  Hate is a very strong word.  In my mind, I equate "Hate" with wanting something, or someone, eradicated.  I use it so sparingly, when I do, I feel a twinge of pain when I use it. I can only think of one person that I actually hate, other than those who commit brutal crimes against humanity. 

Martin Luther King, Jr was an amazingly loving leader.  He said, "hate cannot drive out hate...only love can do that. Hate multiplies hate, and violence multiplies violence in a descending spiral of destruction… Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend.”

MLK, Jr. makes it seem like a simple solution.  My life's goal is to turn my hate into love.  Hopefully, I will have a long life to work on that goal, because I am certain I will need the time to make it a reality. 

In my daily devotional, Father Luke Veronis speaks on this topic.

"To cultivate such divine love in our hearts doesn’t come easy. It demands a strong desire on our part, and a willingness to struggle with a disciplined effort. Our Lord Jesus Christ is ready to fill our hearts with this love, but He will never impose it upon us. He offers it freely, but we have to open up the door of our hearts and receive it. In order to open up our hearts, that means we have to break down the walls which hinder divine love – the obstacles of hatred, fear, insecurity, self-righteousness, arrogance, pride and self-centeredness. Breaking down these walls may be painful and scary. We often get used to the barriers we set up in our lives which hinder God’s love. Christ came to free us from these obstacles, however, and once the walls come tumbling down, He will fill us with His divine love!

 

Loving one another, forgiving one another, sacrificing for one another, and showing mercy and compassion to one another – these are the ultimate qualities of any authentic Orthodox Church and any true Orthodox Christian."

 

It's a long road, but I'm headed down it with the arsenal of God's love fulfilling me.  I love YOU, team.  Thanks for standing by my side on my journey. 

Just say it

How often do you say, "I love you?" To your family, or even your friends?  I used to be a bit more inhibited about sharing my feelings.  It made me feel far too exposed.  As I grew more confidant with age, I didn't care anymore.  I wanted to be bold.  It made me feel even more confidant if I was able to own my feelings and say them loud and proud.  These days, I tell my good friends I love them.  Proudly.  I tell my sisters and my parents.  I tell my husband.  Often and with sincerity.  You never know when it may be the last time. 

The below is a great example of why it is important to say "I love you." 
 

Seeing your love with Fresh eyes

When I haven't seen N in a few days, it makes me appreciate him all over again.  Although I miss him when I am traveling for work, I think it helps our relationship a bit. 

However, I saw this video and couldn't help but think this is taking it to the next level.  Who wouldn't love to hear compliments like this from your husband?

 

Never Forget

I'm overwhelmed by the remembrances of people today in honor 9/11.  No one forgets where they were that day.  I was a Senior in college.  I was dumbstruck and scared.  I was overwhelmed. 

Today, I honored the fallen and their memories, but watching the below two videos which capture the spirit of that day.  The experiences show what is great about our country.  About patriotism.  About lending a hand because you feel that is the right thing to do, not because you are told to.  Memory Eternal!
 

A Man's Man

My husband thinks he's getting a bit chubby.  To be honest, I can't tell the difference in how he looks unless he doesn't shave for five days, and in that case, I think he looks particularly attractive.  Especially when he chops wood, or breaks out his chain saw.  He can split wood like a lumber jack.

While reading this article, I couldn't help but relate.  I have always loved me a mountain man.  It was always something I was attracted to.  It appears as though I am not the only one. 

Husky guys are a  "rare breed betwixt normal weight and overweight: The husky man. Be he pale and doughy from a regular schedule of mainlining quesadillas and watching Pawn Stars, or simply genetically destined to be larger than the average male, I am on that shit faster than you can say “BMI index.” Were you teased as a kid for being chubby before you had your growth spurt and evened out? You're probably sensitive to people's feelings, and therefore a great boyfriend, and therefore panties = dropped. "
"....the major draw of the Husky is his personality. By definition, they’re laid-back, comforting, chill, drama-free, masculine, and don’t judge you when you eat a lot. In fact, they want an eating partner. That’s probably part of the reason they’re dating you in the first place."

Truth. 

Mommy beauty

Now that I am done with planning my wedding, which was quite overwhelming and time consuming, I can't help but think of what's next.  For most people, that means babies.  I think it probably does for us as well, when the time comes. 

As a planner, that means I think about babies, and what it means to be a mom, more often than I would have ever before.  I think about the details.  I think about what it will be like to give birth.  I think about what will happen with my body.  I think about how I won't be able to be as selfish with my resources as I am now.  It's a lot to think about. 

I read an article a few days ago about the torture women's bodies go through with pregnancy.  One photographer has decided to take photos of the carnage, to show the beauty within the wreck.  The beauty is the babies.  Look how joyful and loving they are. 

Check this out:  Article   (Jade Beall photos)

 

Is binge eating related to mental disorder?

I'm not terribly sure if I suffer from binge eating.  I know I like to eat certain things.  I think I seek a certain feeling when I eat sometimes.  I think that it can be related to my emotions.  I'm still working it all out, but found this article interesting.

Scientists are doing research on binge eating and electro -shock therapy.  It seemed to help some fatty mice who were part of the study.

How much you want to guess that this is the next new diet trend?

Read Here: 

"Although problems with binge eating affect many people, there aren’t really any good treatments for those that suffer. Binge eaters might go to therapy or a weight-loss program; they might take antidepressants. But, these things don’t work especially well for those seeking help. Many scientists have wondered if there could be real differences in the reward centers of the brain in those who have trouble with binging.

So, scientists have tried deep brain stimulation — yep, that’s shocking the inner-brain — in mice to help curb binge eating. And, weird as it may sound, it worked!"

Adult Bullying

Watch this.  Then, tell me what you think.  It does come down to bullying.  Whose job is it to be the arbiter of noting the obvious.  Does this woman need to be reminded of her weight issues?  No.  She doesn't.  She knows!  
She is brave.  Very brave. 
 

Be Kind! That's an order

If I said it once, I don't care if I say it again, be nice to people.  No matter what. 

If someone doesn't hold the door open, don't embrace that person's anger, take it and let it die by giving love to the person behind you.  Hold the door open for them.  With a smile.

Don't let mean people break you.  It's not worth it.  The fact that they are mean or rude has nothing to do with you, almost always.  Don't internalize it.  Don't worry about what you did wrong.

Be kind.  Do the right thing.  Love a little.  What's the worst that could happen?
 

So Busy - I'm so busy

How often do you hear this excuse for anyone you know?

I'm too busy.  I'm so busy.  Sorry, I'm too busy.

It's kinda BS.  Big time. 

Read this article: here

marriage is tough

It doesn't take a genius to figure out that marriage is tough.  Every where you look people talk about the divorce rate and cheating. They talk in hushed whispers about so and so's marriage that is ending for this or that reason. 

I heard from several people, including men, that "marriage is tough, but worth it" in the days leading up to my wedding.  Ain't that the truth! It was stating the obvious, but I found it interesting that men were telling me this morsel of insight, not just women. 

What I've learned so far in 3.5 months, is that every day is a choice.  Just the same as it was pre-marriage.  Only now, I have to decide if I'm going to be the best version of myself for my husband as well as for myself.  Am I going to give more, or  take more?  Am I going to hold my tongue, or let it go?  I choose N.  And when I do, I am almost far happier than electing to be more selfish.  If I feel I need something from him, I ask.  It's becoming more simple and easier. 

I saw a friend re-post someone else's post about marriage which triggered this post. see below:

"I've found myself in the middle of some conversations about marriage lately. Dean and I have clocked 17 years. Still at the starting gate in some ways, but in it long enough to have weathered some tornados and humbly grateful for the grace of God to have emerged on the other side intact. Thank you, dear God.

I've been in it long enough to find myself in attendance at weddings--in the part where the pastor makes mention of how marriage will be "hard--" and wanting to jump up from my seat and say, "The word, 'hard,' is best suited for a math problem. Tell them that marriage is so painful in places that it will make them want to run screaming in the other direction! They will want to leave! They will slam doors and throw things! They will just want the pain to stop. You know the scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom when that nasty witch doctor rips out the heart of that guy? Like that! Gruesome. Ugly. Like surgery with open eyes and no anesthetic. Excruciating. Lonely. Hopeless. This is what you're in for, people. Put it in your vows--you heard it here!" At which point, I would sit down and, no doubt, regret such an outburst as the awkwardness engulfed me and the bride and groom would sprint toward the back door.

 ......

For anyone out there looking for Mr./Miss Right: there is no perfect match for you--not in the way you know the word, "perfect." Tim Keller is right--"You always marry the wrong person." This is how God intended it. It's the only way marriage can be used as a refiner, a shaper, a chiseler of self...a holy and unique chance to cling to God as you find yourself dangling in the thin air of your own inadequacies.... If you married someone "perfect," you would have no need of God or the shaping process.
....
Marriage is a beast and a bounty. Those faint of heart need not apply. Because the work required is tremendous--but so is the reward.

Amen.

Leslie Beckham Douglass

Guilty

I got my first blackberry in 2004, and have had a smart phone ever since.  It's hard to be disconnected, ever.  Being good at my job means being proactive, not reactive (unless I need to be). 

My friends gave me a lot of crap over the years because I wasn't focused on them.  I wasn't present.  I try to disconnect more.  I try not to immediately stare at my phone when it vibrates or dings.  Now, when they can't reach me readily they assume something is wrong.  Nope. 

This video is a good reminder of why I need to focus on being better about my goal of being present when

 

Awkward Years

Want to see something awkward ?  Check out this link.  It reminds me of how awkward I felt from 4th -9th Grade.  I felt weird.  I felt like I didn't fit in.  I felt ugly.  I felt stupid.  I hated that I matured too early, and it showed.  People teased me.  I got made fun of for being chubby a few times by boys.  One time, a kid called me "Free Willy."  Like the whale.  Honestly, I wasn't THAT chubby. But it still stings. 

People talk about bullying these days often.  I can't help but wonder if it will ever go away.  People can be mean-spirited.  Which means kids learn it from somewhere.  They learn it from us, the adults that shape them.  Be a leader.  Be kind.  See the beauty that exists in the world and focus on that. 

 

You think you had a bad day?

I'm reminded of my selfishness and lack of perspective when I check out people like Adrianne Haslet-Davis.  She is a professional dance instructor who lost a limb in the Boston Bombings back in April.   She's 32, like me.  Check out the video. Check out how pragmatic and upbeat she is despite her loss.

Hero.

As the linked article notes, "New mantra: If Adrianne can overcome the loss of her foot, if Britney can get through 2007, then by golly, I can _____ ____ ______ ___!!!!!!! (Fill in your own blanks here.)"  
I am totally with them on that one.  If she can do it, I wonder what I could accomplish on my darkest day?

If not this, than that

"Comparison is the death of joy"  
-Mark Twain