It doesn't take a genius to figure out that marriage is tough. Every where you look people talk about the divorce rate and cheating. They talk in hushed whispers about so and so's marriage that is ending for this or that reason.
I heard from several people, including men, that "marriage is tough, but worth it" in the days leading up to my wedding. Ain't that the truth! It was stating the obvious, but I found it interesting that men were telling me this morsel of insight, not just women.
What I've learned so far in 3.5 months, is that every day is a choice. Just the same as it was pre-marriage. Only now, I have to decide if I'm going to be the best version of myself for my husband as well as for myself. Am I going to give more, or take more? Am I going to hold my tongue, or let it go? I choose N. And when I do, I am almost far happier than electing to be more selfish. If I feel I need something from him, I ask. It's becoming more simple and easier.
I saw a friend re-post someone else's post about marriage which triggered this post. see below:
"I've found myself in the middle of some conversations about marriage lately. Dean and I have clocked 17 years. Still at the starting gate in some ways, but in it long enough to have weathered some tornados and humbly grateful for the grace of God to have emerged on the other side intact. Thank you, dear God.
I've been in it long enough to find myself in attendance at weddings--in the part where the pastor makes mention of how marriage will be "hard--" and wanting to jump up from my seat and say, "The word, 'hard,' is best suited for a math problem. Tell them that marriage is so painful in places that it will make them want to run screaming in the other direction! They will want to leave! They will slam doors and throw things! They will just want the pain to stop. You know the scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom when that nasty witch doctor rips out the heart of that guy? Like that! Gruesome. Ugly. Like surgery with open eyes and no anesthetic. Excruciating. Lonely. Hopeless. This is what you're in for, people. Put it in your vows--you heard it here!" At which point, I would sit down and, no doubt, regret such an outburst as the awkwardness engulfed me and the bride and groom would sprint toward the back door.
......
For anyone out there looking for Mr./Miss Right: there is no perfect match for you--not in the way you know the word, "perfect." Tim Keller is right--"You always marry the wrong person." This is how God intended it. It's the only way marriage can be used as a refiner, a shaper, a chiseler of self...a holy and unique chance to cling to God as you find yourself dangling in the thin air of your own inadequacies.... If you married someone "perfect," you would have no need of God or the shaping process.
....
Marriage is a beast and a bounty. Those faint of heart need not apply. Because the work required is tremendous--but so is the reward.
Amen.
I've been in it long enough to find myself in attendance at weddings--in the part where the pastor makes mention of how marriage will be "hard--" and wanting to jump up from my seat and say, "The word, 'hard,' is best suited for a math problem. Tell them that marriage is so painful in places that it will make them want to run screaming in the other direction! They will want to leave! They will slam doors and throw things! They will just want the pain to stop. You know the scene in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom when that nasty witch doctor rips out the heart of that guy? Like that! Gruesome. Ugly. Like surgery with open eyes and no anesthetic. Excruciating. Lonely. Hopeless. This is what you're in for, people. Put it in your vows--you heard it here!" At which point, I would sit down and, no doubt, regret such an outburst as the awkwardness engulfed me and the bride and groom would sprint toward the back door.
......
For anyone out there looking for Mr./Miss Right: there is no perfect match for you--not in the way you know the word, "perfect." Tim Keller is right--"You always marry the wrong person." This is how God intended it. It's the only way marriage can be used as a refiner, a shaper, a chiseler of self...a holy and unique chance to cling to God as you find yourself dangling in the thin air of your own inadequacies.... If you married someone "perfect," you would have no need of God or the shaping process.
....
Marriage is a beast and a bounty. Those faint of heart need not apply. Because the work required is tremendous--but so is the reward.
Amen.
Leslie Beckham Douglass
