Want to impress someone?

Don't try so hard.  These folks came up 28 sure fire ways to make an impact.  It's hard to do them all, but it gives you something to think about.  I put areas that are my shortcomings in red....just to let you know I own the areas where I need improvement.   It's a new year.  But I don't believe in making New Years Resolutions.  It's lame- make a commitment that you want to keep no matter what time of year it is.

1. Be authentic.  Be true to yourself. – Judy Garland once said, “Always be a first rate version of yourself instead of a second rate version of somebody else.”  Live by this statement.  There is no such thing as living in someone else’s shoes.  The only shoes you can occupy are your own.  If you aren’t being yourself, you aren’t truly living – you’re merely existing.  And ask yourself this:  If you don’t like who you really are, why should I like you?
2. Care about people. – If you don’t genuinely care about people, they won’t care about you.  The more you help others, the more they will want to help you.  Love and kindness begets love and kindness.  And so on and so forth.
3. Make others feel good. – People will rarely remember what you did, but they will always remember how you made them feel.
4. Be honest and take ownership of your actions. – Nobody likes a liar.  In the long-run, the truth always reveals itself anyway.  Either you own up to your actions or your actions will ultimately own you.
5. Smile often. – Everyone likes the sight of a genuine smile.  Think about how you feel when a complete stranger looks into your eyes and smiles.  Suddenly they don’t seem like a stranger anymore, do they?
6. Respect elders.  Respect minors.  Respect everyone. – There are no boundaries or classes that define a group of people that deserve to be respected.  Treat everyone with the same level of respect you would give to your grandfather and the same level of patience you would have with your baby brother.  People will notice your kindness.
7. Address people by their name. – People love the sight and sound of their own name.  So make sure you learn to remember names.  Use them courteously in both oral and written communication.
8. Say “Please” and “Thank you.” – These two simple phrases make demands sound like requests, and they inject a friendly tone into serious conversations.  Using them can mean the difference between sounding rude and sounding genuinely grateful.
9. Excel at what you do. – I am impressed by great guitarists, writers, bloggers, painters, motivational speakers, internet entrepreneurs, computer engineers, mothers, fathers, athletes, etc.  There is only one thing they all have in common: They excel at what they do.  There’s no point in doing something if you aren’t going to do it right.  Excel at your work and excel at your hobbies.  Develop a reputation for yourself, a reputation for consistent excellence.
10. Help others when you’re able. – In life, you get what you put in.  When you make a positive impact in someone else’s life, you also make a positive impact in your own life.  Do something that’s greater than you – something that helps someone else to be happy or to suffer less.  Everyone values the gift of unexpected assistance and those who supply it.
11. Put a small personal touch on everything you do. – Think of it as branding your work.  If you’re funny, add a little humor into it.  If you’re an artist, decorate it with illustrations.  Whatever you do, customize it with a little personal touch of ‘you.’
12. Over-deliver on all of your promises. – Some people habitually make promises they are just barely able to fulfill.  They promise perfection and deliver mediocrity.  If you want to boost your personal value in the eyes of others, do the exact opposite.  Slightly under-sell your capabilities so that you’re always able to over-deliver.  It will seem to others like you’re habitually going above and beyond the call of duty.
13. Get organized. – How can you get anything accomplished if you aren’t organized?  You can’t.  Make a regular habit of organizing your living space and working space.  For some practical organizational guidance, I recommend David Allen’s Getting Things Done.
14. Do your research and ask clarifying questions. – Don’t be that clueless dude in the room who just nods like he knows what’s going on.  Prepare yourself by doing research ahead of time.  And if something still doesn’t make sense to you, ask questions.  The people involved will respect your desire to understand the material.
15. Share knowledge and information with others. – When you can, be a resource to those around you.  If you have access to essential information, don’t hoard it.  Share it openly.
16. Be positive and focus on what’s right. – Everything that happens in life is neither good nor bad.  It just depends on your perspective.  And no matter how it turns out, it always ends up just the way it should.  Either you succeed or you learn something.  So stay positive, appreciate the pleasant outcomes, and learn from the rest.  Your positivity will rub off on everyone around you.
17. Listen intently to what others have to say. – Eyes focused, ears tuned, mobile phone off.  In a world that can’t move fast enough, someone who can find time to listen to others is always appreciated.
18. Be faithful to your significant other. – Tiger Woods was everyone’s hero until recently, wasn’t he?  Sustained fidelity in a long-term intimate relationship is not only impressive, it creates a healthy foundation for everything else you do.
19. Learn to appreciate and love Mother Nature. – Those who truly appreciate and love the natural world surrounding us typically exhibit the same high regard for all humanity.  It’s a positive way to live, and it’s something people notice.
20. Invest time, energy and money in yourself every day. – When you invest in yourself, you can never lose, and over time you will change the trajectory of your life.  You are simply the product of what you know.  The more time, energy and money you spend acquiring pertinent knowledge, the more control you have over your life and the more valuable you will be to everyone around you.  For fresh ideas on self improvement and lifestyle design, I recommend The 4-Hour Workweek.
21. Perform random acts of kindness on a regular basis. – Pay for a stranger’s coffee in line at Starbucks.  Buy the office receptionist flowers just to say, “Thank you.”  Help an elderly lady with her groceries.  There’s nothing more rewarding than putting smiles on the faces around you.
22. Compliment people who deserve it. – Go out of your way to personally acknowledge and complement the people who have gone out of their way to shine.  Everybody likes to hear that their efforts are appreciated.
23. Speak clearly and make eye contact. – Most people have a very low tolerance for dealing with people they can’t understand.  Mystery does not fuel strong relationships and impressiveness.  Also, there’s little doubt that eye contact is one of the most captivating forms of personal communication.  When executed properly, eye contact injects closeness into human interaction.
24. Make yourself available and approachable. – If people cannot get a hold of you, or have trouble approaching you, they will forget about you.  Your general availability and accessibility to others is extremely important to them.  Always maintain a positive, tolerant attitude and keep an open line of communication to those around you.
25. Be self-sufficient. – Freedom is the greatest gift.  Self-sufficiency is the greatest freedom.  And self-sufficiency is quite impressive too.   In the business world, it’s one of the primary dreams that inspire people to give-up their day jobs to pursue entrepreneurship.
26. Exploit the resources you do have access to. – The average person is usually astonished when they see a physically handicap person show intense signs of emotional happiness.  How could someone in such a restricted physical state be so happy?  The answer rests in how they use the resources they do have.  Stevie Wonder couldn’t see, so he exploited his sense of hearing into a passion for music, and he now has 25 Grammy Awards to prove it.
27. Be a part of something you believe in. – This could be anything.  Some people take an active role in their local city council, some find refuge in religious faith, some join social clubs supporting causes they believe in, and others find passion in their careers.  In each case the psychological outcome is the same.  They engage themselves in something they strongly believe in.  This engagement brings happiness and meaning into their lives.  It’s hard not to be impressed by someone who’s passionate about what they’re doing.
28. Stand up for your beliefs without flaunting them. – Yes, it is possible to stand up for your beliefs without foisting them down someone else’s throat.  Discuss your personal beliefs when someone asks about them, but don’t spawn offensive attacks of propaganda on unsuspecting victims.  Stand firm by your values and always keep an open mind to new information.

Fear of Dying (II)

Evidence that there is something else out there, to give you a little hope:

perfect comeback

I always want to say the right thing at the right time.  It doesn't always happen and I hate that.  Then again, maybe I should just keep my mouth shut more often.

Don't even bother

Do you ever feel like you don't really feel like trying anymore?  If so, Homer knows how you feel.

Then again, do you really want to take advice from this guy?

Tell me you love me

I read this book a few years ago when I was in a relationship with someone whom I simply felt I couldn't relate to.

And then I read this- the five love languages.  Voila! It made so much sense.  What you want from someone may be completely different than what they are able to give to you.  What you are able to give, may be completely different from what the other person wants.  Therefore, you have to figure out what the other person you are in a relationship wants, and try to give that to them.

Consider this:  perhaps you are in a relationship with someone that likes to give you gifts.  That is how they let you know that they care about you.  That is wonderful.  But it's possible that you may be the type of person that wants to hear why/how/when they love you (that's me).  If that's the case, let your person know what works for you, and determine what it is they are looking for as well.

Is Marriage Dead

Everywhere I look I read about studies that prove that marriage is dead.  But then I read an article like this and it makes me hopeful.  There is a point.  At least to some people.

Smoke signals

When I was growing up- and really until a few years ago I believed that solving my problems on my own was the brave and adult thing to do. I believed that sharing my problems was the equivalent of a grave weakness and unacceptable. I didn't think it was appropriate to burden anyone, much less friends or family with my baggage. My pride kept me from what I needed the most which meant I was left alone and ultimately in silent torture for far too long.

 It's taken me about six years of concerted effort to open up. To learn to lean on people and trust that they would be there for me and that they sincerely love me. That being said, recently when I had a confusing few days that left me out of sorts I didn't pretend everything was ok. I shared. I asked for an ear. I sent out the smoke signal. And what I received back was something short of out of this world and quite frankly far better than I could have hoped.

I woke up a particular morning a few weeks ago with two emails and a text of support and encouragement (one was from halfway across the world). These besties love me and care about me. And that gives me the courage to keep persevering. I need to allow myself to believe that and let myself lean on them. I'm more than happy to return the favor.

Don't forget to ask for what you need. If you never get your needs fulfilled it's probably because you needed to verbalize the request to the appropriate person that could grant you the fulfillment of that request.

Look under the cushions....

84% of women and 74% of men choose to pick up coins off the ground
Each individual household in the United States has an average $90 of loose change lying around!


Do you ever catch yourself going down your path with your eyes peeled ahead- and don't take the time to look around you?  I think the above is a good example of why it's important to check your surroundings every one in a while, just in case.  You never know what you may find.  


My sister is like this.  She's the only person I know who is lucky enough to have found a hundred dollar bill once.  Then, about 10 years later she found a ring in a dressing room.  Turned it into the lost and found at the department store.  They kept her name in case the owner never came back for it.  Months later, they called her and she retrieved the ring.  Turns out it was worth something like $10,000.  Seriously.  Keep your eyes peeled.  

Put Positivity Out There

"Man has such powers that he can transmit good or evil to his environment. These matters are very delicate. Great care is needed. We need to see everything in a positive frame of mind. We mustn’t think anything evil about others. Even a simple glance or a sigh influences those around us. And even the slightest anger or indignation does harm. We need to have goodness and love in our soul and to transmit these things. " 
-Elder Porphyrios

Happy Anniversary to me

One of the best parts of anniversaries is being able to look back and recall a feeling of joy all over again- almost as though you are experiencing it for the first time.

Last year, on December 15th, I officially published my first blog post.  It wasn't until awhile later that I allowed close friends to see what I was up to.  I was concerned that they would judge me- that they may not understand where I was coming from.  I've received nothing but support since the moment I told them about it.  Although I will say that my mom is my #1 fan. She still leaves a comment after every single post I publish.  That makes me feel special.

Most important, I still feel like the blog gives me an outlet.  The biggest challenge is realizing that I may have "learned" something and then I come back and have to blog about it some more.  Hopefully these life lessons will stick one day soon.

Where you going? Who are you with?

"The great thing in this world is not so much where we stand as in what direction we are moving." -Oliver Wendell Holmes


It should be noted that I've often contemplated the concept that it's not where you are, but who you are with that really matters.  If those two items are valid, then one could assume that its who you are with and what direction you are headed that is imperative.  

Move Around

I want to go to there....all of there

Advice from an Old Dude

From Rooney.  Andy Rooney.
May his memory be eternal.


That the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.
That when you're in love, it shows.
That just one person saying to me, "You've made my day!" makes my day.
That having a child fall asleep in your arms is one of the most peaceful feelings in the world.
That being kind is more important than being right.
That you should never say no to a gift from a child.
That I can always pray for someone when I don't have the strength to help him in some other way.
That no matter how serious your life requires you to be, everyone needs a friend to act goofy with.
That sometimes all a person needs is a hand to hold and a heart to understand.
That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.
That life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
That we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.
That money doesn't buy class.
That it's those small daily happenings that make life so spectacular.
That under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.
That the Lord didn't do it all in one day. What makes me think I can?
That to ignore the facts does not change the facts.
That when you plan to get even with someone, you are only letting that person continue to hurt you.
That love, not time, heals all wounds.
That the easiest way for me to grow as a person is to surround myself with people smarter than I am.
That everyone you meet deserves to be greeted with a smile.
That there's nothing sweeter than sleeping with your babies and feeling their breath on your cheeks.
That no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.
That life is tough, but I'm tougher.
That opportunities are never lost; someone will take the ones you miss.
That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.
That I wish I could have told my Dad that I love him one more time before he passed away.
That one should keep his words both soft and tender, because tomorrow he may have to eat them.
That a smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.
That I can't choose how I feel, but I can choose what I do about it.
That when your newly born grandchild holds your little finger in his little fist, that you're hooked for life.
That everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all then happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.
That it is best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it is requested and when it is a life threatening situation.
That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

Respecting Your Elders

I'm certain that at one point or another you've thought to yourself, "oh no...I'm turning into my mother/father!"  This used to happen to me. 

Now, when I realize I'm turning into my parents I smile to myself, and laugh a little.  Maybe I may even shake my head.  It's familiar and since I love and respect them (despite their shortcomings) it's almost like a little gift.

This picture on the top was taken at least 7 years ago of me and my mother.  Back then, we weren't as close as we are now, so it was quite shocking to look at each other and all of the sudden realize that even physically, there were some apparent similarities.

The picture on the left was taken last summer at my best friend's wedding.  Check out those twin noses!  I never noticed that until yesterday.  When I sent the picture to my mom her exact response was "OMG" and then a comment about her..... chest. 

Blessings!

Paralyzing Thoughts

Have you ever been unhappy with your life and felt paralyzed? You are so angry and confused that you don't know what to do.  Perhaps, all you want to do is run away.  Escape the realities of your frustrations?

I've been there, but have also been on the other end of a tough time.  How did I do it?
I was able to look beyond the present condition of my life with the help of  friends who confirmed what I already knew deep down.  That life will not always be like it is today.  I am in charge of creating the change I need to

Apparently, scientists have discovered that we are all horrible at making decisions and tend to make the same mistakes.

"Our inclination to sweat the small stuff runs very, very deep, and hurts our well-being. (To combat the tendency, the researchers offered a tip: setting a time limit on decisions in advance. Or, “step back from the decision … to maintain a more global focus.”)"

Time

There is only so much of it we each have in the day.  How we use it, is the real challenge.  God gave each of us 86,400 seconds in a day.


As I get older I feel like time is moving by quicker and quicker.  i don't know how its exactly possible, but I can tell you with certainty I feel as though there is less time in the day.  


Which means (whether or not I'm right) we have to propritize how we spend our precious time.  We can't do it it all . It's simply not possible.   

Get in the spirit

Someone asked me the other day if the holiday season made me happy.  The truth is, I can't remember the last time I really enjoyed the season.  In fact, I was even having trouble discerning what about it should be about.  How does one get into the spirit these days?  The balmy December weather hasn't been helping.  

My friend suggested we get together, watch old holiday movies, make some Christmas cookies, listen to some Christmas music.  All of these are good ideas.  After our phone call, I took a candy cane down from my work Christmas treet and ate it.  That started thawing me.  Then, "Miracle on 34th Street" -the version that my sister and I love the best (with Dylan McDermott).

Don't Bring Them Down

“Blowing out another's candle will not make yours shine brighter.”—Unknown 


Have you ever hung out with a friend and all they could do was complain about how things weren't going their way? Thereafter, you felt like crap.  Or worse, you tell them about something fun and amazing and wonderful, and all your friend can do is poke holes into your happiness. 


That sucks (to be quite frank).


When that happens, I try to remind myself that the other person probably has something else going on that is making them irritable and unhappy.  And then I try to get out of the conversation as fast as possible.  If I'm the person that is bringing you down- you have my permission to tell me to shut up.  That's all.  

Don't give up

I went to Pennsylvania this weekend to a Monastery.  I visited back in August for a night to attend services and take a break from my life.  This trip proved even more of the same.  I visited with some good friends who share my faith - but are honest enough to admit they are, like me, still searching for understanding.  That in and of itself is so refreshing to find from a friend- especially about something so tenuous as religion tends to be.

While driving up, I caught a brief glimpse of a spray painted graffiti sign on an over pass.  I couldn't believe that I saw what I did.  And I thought to myself, "was that message for me? I really needed to see that today."   The sign read:

DON'T GIVE UP


Seriously?  Yes.  Ok, I won't.  Thank you for the encouragement, graffiti artist.

The picture to the right was taken this morning at 6:30AM before I attended services.  Behind the building on the hill is a cross, which is lit up during the dark.  It looked so hopeful and gave me further encouragement not to give up.

What would you give....

to be skinny (or skinnier, rather)?  


I read an interesting article the other day which cited a study that was done asking the very same question.  It turns out, most women wouldn't trade anything.  


Another survey from Glamour found, 
"Only 5 percent said they would be willing to give up five years of their lives, and three-quarters refused to give up dessert to be thinner forever. Fewer than half (41 percent) would pay $3,000 to be thin. Almost a quarter said they would not give up anything at all to slim down permanently."


This is contrary to what we know about women, which is why I find it fascinating.  If we are willing to trade anyhing significant, when push comes to shove, then we should own it.  Then we wouldn't feel so awful about our body image. We would accept that it is our choice.  

Dreams without plans remain dreams. Dreams with plans become reality.

Do you ever get overwhelmed with how many worthy charities there are out there?  I do.  I want to give, but it never seems like enough and I never really know what is going on with the  money I give.  

I was reading this article in the Wall Street Journal about the business of giving.  Should charities and non-profits be run more like businesses?  I think they should, but that's because that is the background I come from.  Most people want measured results in order to see how productive their contributions truly are.

There needs to be a concrete plan that everyone strives toward.  In my opinion, just because you have a well-intention ed cause, doesn't necessarily mean that you should place your treasured resources in their hands.

On another note, the psychology behind what motivates us to give is telling about how humanity operates.  See here for further details.

Better than Expected

A few weeks ago I was headed into work on a rainy icky day.  All I wanted to do was get back in bed.  My inner good girl wouldn't allow it.  I had work to do- loose ends that needed to be tied up.

As I'm driving I get a phone call from my best friend.  "What are you up to? "  So I told her I was driving into work in awful rainy traffic.  She was too. Then I asked her where she was in our fine sprawling city.  She was 10 cars back.   We were excited.

Given how massive our city is, and the sheer amount of people that are commuting at the same time, it's statistically improbable that we would run into each other.  Which makes it far more thrilling.  We were able to maneuver next to eachother so we could give eachother a virtual high five and a big hearty smile to start the day with. Awesome day.