Holy Moley. I think I was born with some lady genes missing.
I'm getting married, which is wonderful and exciting. I absolutely want to be married to N, but I am not interested (nor have I ever been) in the wedding itself. This is confounding to most people, especially other women. I wasn't the type of girl who planned a wedding when I was little. I wasn't even sure I'd ever get married.
There are many reasons why I don't want to talk about my plans. The first is that people have opinions. You know what they say about opinions? They are like a$$holes, everyone has one. I realize that most people aim to keep their opinions to themselves. But they don't. Most often, a slight hesitation is all that I need to see before I get offended and assume that someone thinks my taste in ....anything is awful, wrong, uninspired, etc. Plus, everyone wants to know about the dress. I'm tempted to roll up in a red taffeta dress with sequins just to shock them all (or spite them).
Another reason I don't like to talk about my wedding is that I never wanted to have a big huge wedding ordeal. I wanted N and I to have an intimate exchange of vows between us in front of God and the people we care about the most. That isn't an option for me. I hate being the center of attention, and always have. But I'll be walking down an aisle in front of 300+ people. I'm not really looking forward to that.
I would rather make all my selections and then show people what I have chosen, if I chose to show them. Weird? Probably. True? Yes. Do I mean to offend anyone? No!
What now? Do I apologize for feeling the way I do, or change? I don't think so. I'll try to be nicer, but I'm in a place where it doesn't seem as easy to be nice about something that annoys me so much.
