Growing Pains

I am going through what could lovingly be referred to as, "growing pains."  N will be moving up and into my house as soon as he gets a job in my city.  I can't wait.

What I can wait for, and haven't yet prepared for, was all of his stuff.  He started slowly leaving some clothes, a razor, a toothbrush.  I adjusted to that.  I have been wrapping my brain around the fact that I'm going to have to share my house with a boy (which I've never done before).

Then, this past weekend-  there was an incident.  For context, watch this video first.

Personally, I think Marie should have been far more concerned about the Jorts and the 80's Stache Jess was sporting, but this clip from one of my favorite movies came to mind almost immediately after I walked into my (our) house yesterday to find a hot mess of cords, stereo equipment, speakers, cd players..... all over my (our)  tiny family room.  Have I mentioned I don't like clutter?  Have I mentioned that I'm a bit (sometimes a lot) controlling?  Have I mentioned I have 2 (and with his, 3) dogs?  Have I mentioned that its a TINY house?  Because all of that is true.

What is also true, is that I came home and looked at the hot mess, looked at him, looked at the hot mess, rolled my eyes and said in a bitchy voice, "WHAT is all THAT?"  as I waved in the general direction of the TV/Stereo/CORD disaster.  Needless to say, my reaction wasn't received well.

I wish he had asked me about it before hand.  I wish I had handled it better.  I wish it never happened to begin with.  However, it was bound to happen at some point.  It seems as though its inevitable.

I'm praying for patience and understanding- and hopefully, we'll walk away from these growing pains with lessons learned and a few good laughs.

Guess what? I know I'm not perfect

It seems apparent to me that there're people in my life who think I am a hypocrite. You see, I'm the type of person who is altruistic yet still swears like a sailor. I go to church almost every Sunday and yet I still won't let people get away with being assholes to me or the people I love. I'm just not all that good with forgiveness.  I still have work to do in that department.  

So- you're more than welcome to call me a hypocrite.  But just remember that I know who I am, I know what I'm capable of, and I know that I'm not perfect. God knows it too. And that is why going to church is the best place for someone like me -it's a place for all of the imperfect people in this world to get help with healing.

I'm going to have to fall back on the advice I know I should give myself for the next few weeks until I get over some difficult challenges up ahead.  I have to stay the course and think about the things I love- not the things I don't. 


That is all. 

Animal Love

I saw this today- about things your dog would love to tell you.  I think it makes sense.  Friends, please remember to give your animals extra love.  Don't take out a bad day on them.

1. My life is likely to last ten to fifteen years. Any separation from you will be painful: remember that before you get me.

2. Give me time to understand what you want of me.

3. Place your trust in me—it is crucial to my wellbeing.

4. Do not be angry at me for long, and do not lock me up as punishment.

5. You have your work, your entertainment, and your friends. I only have you.

6. Talk to me sometimes. Even if I don’t understand your words, I understand your voice.

7. Be aware that however you treat me, I will never forget.

8. Remember before you hit me that I have sharp teeth that could easily hurt you, but I choose not to bite you because I love you.

9. Before you scold me for being uncooperative, obstinate, or lazy, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I might not be getting the right food, or I have been out too long, or my heart is getting too old and weak.

10. Take care of me when I get old. You too will grow old. Accompany me on difficult journeys. Never say: “I cannot bear to watch” or “Let it happen in my absence.” Everything is easier for me if you are there—even my death.

Remember that I love you.

Vulnerability

I may have posted about this Tedtalk before- but its still so great.  This sociologist is trying to figure, through research, what affect fear and vulnerability have on our ability to accept love.

When she speaks about the future, I couldn't help but think she hit home.  She mentioned that we expect perfection from our children.  I see it every day, every where.  To paraphrase her, she says kids "are hard wired for struggle. When you hold those perfect babies in you hand, we have to keep in mind, our job isn't to make them perfect.  We need to tell them you are imperfect and wired for struggle, but worthy of love and belonging"

Some Advice and Observations from Brene Brown and the struggle with vulnerability:

• We numb vulnerability (then we numb joy, gratitude and happiness, which re-starts the cycle) 
• We make the uncertain- certain.  Religion, for example, has gone from a belief in faith and  mystery to certainty (I'm right, you're wrong- SHUT UP).  Same is true for politics.  All that is left, is blame.  
• We perfect ourselves (and expect it in others) 
• We pretend that what we do doesn't have an affect on other people-we need to say we are sorry and we'll fix it
• We need to let ourselves be seen as vulnerable, to love with our whole hearts even if there is no guarantee 
• Practice gratitude and joy when you are feeling terror
• Believe you are enough - because then we stop screaming and start listening

Broken Friendships

Have you ever had a friendship dissipate?  Wither away to nothing?  What once was laughs and fun and joy abruptly becomes distant memories.  It's happened to me, and it sucked.  Then again, I think I've done that to people too.  I just lied.  I know I've done that to people in the past.

I just read an article that absolutely hit home like a slap in the face.  The author talks about her former best friend dumped her.  She speaks about how painful it was and how it took a long 7 years for her former friend to apologize and explain what actually happened to their friendship.

I'm guessing that men don't have these mini-dramas.  If they don't like a dude, they just don't hang out with them anymore and everyone moves on.  My failed friendships felt worse than some of my failed romantic relationships.  I used to spend a lot of time investigating what I did wrong, how I may have said something, if it was really THEM that sucked, if they were jealous of something I had that they did not.....but it always came back to me assuming I sucked somehow.  It wasn't very good for my self esteem.

However, I have to tell you, a few years ago I came to a realization.  Having a few amazing and supportive friends is far more valuable than wasting my valuable energy on surface friends that don't really care about you and don't really understand who you are. The most valuable friendships I have are with girls that would do absolutely anything I asked of them, no matter what.  Seriously.  Honestly.  They love me that much. I may love them a bit more than that!

I hope you have people like this in your life.  If not, find them.  Be good friends to them.  Hopefully, they will reciprocate.

Good Samaritan

People can be mean.  You may need a hand, and they ignore  you.  I'm sure they are thinking that their own life is more important, and they simply don't have time to think about helping someone else.

Have you ever held open a door for someone with their hands full?  Have you ever helped a lady who has a small child and just has too many things to hold or push or fiddle with?  If not, try it.  The look of complete appreciation and sincere joy is contagious.  It will make you wan to do it again.

Check out this amazing good Samaritan who threw his own safety out the window, to help out a victim.

Planet Awesome

I missed posting about earth day a few days ago.  I'm not the biggest conservationist around, but my appreciation for the beautiful world we live in has increased over the years.  I recycle.  I pick up errant trash.  I even give people dirty looks when I see them littering.  It's automatic at this point :)

Check out this video from NASA which shows a beautiful animation called Perpetual Oceanwhich visualizes the ocean's surface currents over a 30-month period between June 2005 and December 2007.  

The Earth is our home.  We should take care of it. This isn't a political statement- I have no other agenda other than what I think is our moral duty.  

Happy belated Earth Day, friends!

Proposal talk

What a beautiful invitation to spend the rest of your life with someone else-  check this out.

I am clearly getting soft post- finding the love of my life, but it's impossible not to see moon beams and rainbows every where I turn.  I even sicken myself a little (a lot) about how happy love makes me. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, or the honeymoon to be over, but it hasn't happened yet.  A part of me hopes it never does, but all my married friends and loved ones tell me its only a matter of time before my love starts to drive me so crazy I want to physically maim him.

We'll see.  Until then, I'm going to be smiling from the inside out.  You can't stop me!

Keep Fighting

Friends-
The strength of other people astounds me.   It keeps me going.  It inspires me.

I was reading a post about Ricki Lake.  She used to have a talk show.  She's an actress.  She also used to be fuller figured.  She was molested as a child and suffered emotionally as a result.

But over the years she's fought her demons, and continues to work to move beyond those challenges.  She's a lady after my own heart.

On Faith

Faith is a tricky topic.  It's hard to capture.  To define.  You just feel it.  You just know it.  The story below captures the intangible- how I would hope I'd be able to explain why I feel as faithful as I've come to be.  
------------------
Professor : You are a Christian, aren’t you, son ?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, you believe in GOD ?

Student : Absolutely, sir.

Professor : Is GOD good ?

Student : Sure.

Professor: Is GOD all powerful ?

Student : Yes.

Professor: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn’t. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?

(Student was silent.)

Professor: You can’t answer, can you ? Let’s start again, young fella. Is GOD good?

Student : Yes.

Professor: Is satan good ?

Student : No.

Professor: Where does satan come from ?

Student : From … GOD …

Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student : Yes.

Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?

Student : Yes.

Professor: So who created evil ?

(Student did not answer.)

Professor: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?

Student : Yes, sir.

Professor: So, who created them ?

(Student had no answer.)

Professor: Science says you have 5 Senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son, have you ever seen GOD?

Student : No, sir.

Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?

Student : No , sir.

Professor: Have you ever felt your GOD, tasted your GOD, smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any sensory perception of GOD for that matter?

Student : No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.

Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student : Yes.

Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.

Professor: Yes, faith. And that is the problem Science has.

Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Professor: Yes.

Student : And is there such a thing as cold?

Professor: Yes.

Student : No, sir. There isn’t.

(The lecture theater became very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.

(There was pin-drop silence in the lecture theater.)

Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?

Student : You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light. But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, well you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?

Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man ?

Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Professor: Flawed ? Can you explain how?

Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good GOD and a bad GOD. You are viewing the concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing.

Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Professor: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going.)

Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor. Are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?

(The class was in uproar.)

Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?

(The class broke out into laughter. )

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.

Student : That is it sir … Exactly ! The link between man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that keeps things alive and moving.

Family

I was raised with two sisters and loving parents.  Everything wasn't always perfect all the time- but I've learned it never is for anyone.  When I was 16, my grandparents moved into our house. At that point, my big sisters were out of the house and they became my roommates.  It's 16 years later, and they are still with us at the house and I'm thrilled that I had the opportunity to get to know them so well.  It was a huge blessing.

I call my parents house, "the commune" because at some point along the way, we've ALL moved back in.  For one reason or another, my sisters and I have needed to stay there for weeks, or months, or years, and our parents always welcome us back.  This week, my parents, grandparents, sister and her two kids (four generations!) are at the commune.

Given the state of our economy, it's pretty common for all types of people, from all different stations, to embrace this kind of necessity.  When you have different generations living together, as is discussed here, there are challenges and benefits.  Old folks are living longer.  We all have less savings than we did a few years ago (don't talk to me about my 401K, ROTH IRA, and SIMPLE IRA's declined value).

"So now, the generation in the middle faces an array of financial pressures. How can they make it all work — especially in a multigenerational household? It's a juggling act that can be financially and physically draining. It can also be deeply rewarding emotionally. It is about duty, caring and joy. It's life."

Think about it.  Think about your family.  Think about the future.  What will it look like? 

Culture Appreciation (part 2)

Yesterday, I mentioned to you a bit about my heritage.  It's something that has been on my mind a good amount lately as I plan my wedding and just celebrated Easter.

Now, I'd like to show you a bit more of the place that my people come from.  Don't you want to go there, right now?

Wisdom from Greek Moms

In this third part of this series on culture, I'm going to relay to you why Greek mothers are the heartbeat, the source of all things relating to Greek culture.  

In this article, the Greek author notes her mother instructed her, "to always have an open heart and 'an unshakable trust in life' ".  Read the article.  I can't do justice to it.  One day, I'll tell you about my amazing Greek mom and how much she's shaped my life.  But it will take more than one post and a few minutes to push out.  

Advice from this Greek mom: 

1. Goddesses never rush.

2. Give it your full attention.

3. Change the channel.

4. Invite everybody to the picnic.

5. Be your giant self.

6. You are your own capital.

7. Sing your worry away.

8. You are here for the joy.

Culture Appreciation

I'm Greek-American.  Which means a lot of things to me, but one of the most important is that I have a very rich cultural identity I subscribe too.  During Easter time, our culture and religion are closely intertwined.  There are a lot of activities surrounding church services we attend, foods we make and ultimately, parties that we have there after.  During lent, we are supposed to fast, give to charities, and pray.  All of that gets you ready for the prize- Easter, which celebrates the Resurrection of Jesus- who died for our sins.

This is a beautiful church service.  This year, I was blessed to have N with me.  N (my fiance) is also Greek-American.  We have so much in common because of that.  I don't have to always give him the back story on why we do things the way we do, and what the expectations are of our families, etc.  It's just understood.  He appreciates it just as I do, and we will enrich our children's lives with those lessons too.  In our opinion, this is awesome.

What is your families culture?  Do you teach your children about it?  Do you practice these mores?  If you have never looked into them, I think you may be amazed by what you find.  Then, share your findings with the people you love.

Waste

I remember dinner time at my house was always pretty fun.  There was lots of laughter.  At the end of our meal, there would inevitably be something left on someone's plate.  If my dad was around, he's say "what!?!  aren't you going to eat that?  There are starving kids in Africa who would love to eat that!" My parents were food pushers. It was sacrilege to not eat what you were offered.

These days, my sister is far more lenient with her kids.  Part of it stems from the fact that she doesn't want to over feed them- given how much of an issue kids with weight issues has become.
"Much of the world's food goes to waste — one-third, according to a 2011 United Nations estimate.  The U.S. and Europe waste about 10 times as much food per person as sub-Saharan Africa or Southeast Asia, that report found. In the developing world, storage problems are the main culprit. But in developed countries, consumers throw out lots of food that is still perfectly edible.

The other day I was reading an article on food waste and I was immediately saddened. I'm one of those people. I waste.  I waste a lot.  I know I'm not the only one but I know that I can do my best to improve.  Maybe you can too.

It's expensive...

to be a woman.  It is.  In so many ways.  And not just because we like make up and clothes.  Everything about being a woman, costs more money.  See this article which talks about additional medical care and upkeep costs associated with being a woman.  The additional costs for waxing, and shaving and birth control, etc, are about $2600 more a year!

Do men understand this?  Most of the time, I don't think they do.  Mothers, tell your sons.  So they won't be surprised men-children shocked that lady things cost money.

That is all.

Beauty Tribulations

I like to watch TV to escape from my every day worries.  I know I'm not the only one.  My mom does too.  Often, we'll catch up and discuss what new shows we've watched.  We are both fans of a new Ashley Judd show, "mission."  It's great.  Action. Adventure.  We discussed how awesome it was last week.

A few days passed, and then I saw this article about the very thing my mom and I just discussed a few weeks earlier.  "Why on earth was the lovely Ashley Judd's face puffy?"   After reading the article, I realized that, I too had fallen into the very trap Judd discussed- that women instigate this attitude regarding what truly is beautiful.

"That the conversation about my face was initially promulgated largely by women is a sad and disturbing fact."

Judd was puffy because of steroids she had to take -not because of plastic surgery.  But her puffy face is all anyone could talk about.  There was speculation about how and why she got the surgery.  No one considered there was an alternative reason.  That is wrong.  Don't we have bigger fish to fry than to worry about someone's face and how puffy it is?

As Judd herself explains, this incident " is about all girls and women. In fact, it’s about boys and men, too, who are equally objectified and ridiculed, according to heteronormative definitions of masculinity that deny the full and dynamic range of their personhood. It affects each and every one of us, in multiple and nefarious ways: our self-image, how we show up in our relationships and at work, our sense of our worth, value, and potential as human beings."

It's in the blood

There are certain things that you can't help.  A lot of who we are, can't be helped!  I read this article, and thought to myself immediately, "no surprise there!"  The article is about which countries are the horniest, and the country of my roots- Greece- was at the top of the list.

So I really am awesome...sometimes

I've never been the type of person who assumed I deserved....anything.  I think you have to work for what you want.  I never wanted to "read my own press releases" as my Dad would say.

I find myself, now, in the position where I've found someone who appreciates me, just as I am.  And it feels pretty good.  When I saw this movie (favorite scene below, fast forward to 1:50) years ago, I remember thinking to myself, "is it even possible for someone to ever say that to me?  That they like me, just as I am?  There is NO way."

But I think I have to be honest with myself, just as you have to with yourself.  how can we believe that anyone loves us, JUST as we are, if we don't even believe it about ourselves?  We must challenge ourselves to embrace our awesomeness.  

Pushing THROUGH the finish Line

When I read about things that happened in history before I was born, it often seems fictional.  I can't wrap my head around what was real, and what seems far too fantastical for reality.

photo courtesy of AP

Like this story I read on npr about the 40th anniversary of women being allowed to run in the Boston Marathon. The word allowed drives me bonkers!  How brave Katherine Switzer was back in 1967.  Not only did she run a marathon, which is a challenge in and of itself, but she got accosted while running her race.  Thank goodness she had a few pals that had her back in the process. She finished the race in 4 hrs 20 mins.  Pretty great time for a first time marathoner.

Happy Trails

"What you leave behind is not what is engraved on stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others" Pericles 


Every day I drive to work and experience the joy and wonder of viewing the monuments of Washington, DC as I enter the city.  It's an amazing thing, and something most of us Washingtonians take for granted.

A few weeks ago I was thinking about how awesome it would be if there was (in a few hundred years) something that I would have accomplished that would have warranted the building of a monument, to my awesomeness.  I'm serious.  This thought actually came into my head as I drove in to the city while the Cherry Blossoms were in full bloom.

Then again, what's the point?   I wouldn't ever see it. And my children probably wouldn't either.  But there is something that I can do now, which will affect the rest of my life.  I can live and behave in my life the way I should, so that there will never be a reason that someone would remember me with ill-will.

Dieting problems of the KG

whatshouldwecallme:

Go Out in Style

Parting words are typically how people remember you, or a conversation you have had with them.  I've noticed that when I leave a conversation on a bad note, I regret it almost instantly.  I immediately start to think about what I should have said, or more often, what I shouldn't have.

Then I remembered this last speech from Martin Luther King Jr.  What an amazing way to be remembered.  The day after he gave this speech he was killed.  As sad as that is, I always think of MLK with hope.  As a side note, my office is at the cross section of Martin Luther King Jr Avenue and Good Hope Road.  Coincidence?  I think not!

Marriage=Teamwork

Now that word has gotten out that I am getting married, I have heard quite a bit of unsolicited marital advice.  Most of it is very good and encouraging.

Some of it is a little scary- for instance, the termite inspector man who told N that ladies talk A LOT (no kidding), and to just sit back and listen.  At first I wanted to tell him to back off- I'm not that much of a big talker after all.  But then, I heard what he was saying.  He was saying that first N should listen to me talk.  And then I should listen to him talk.  And then we must keep on loving each other.  He promised that there would be times that we would each annoy the crap out of each other.  But, you keep making the choice to be together every day.

I love my termite man.  I'll keep that advice in mind when things get crazy.