Laughter as medicine

"Ho ho ho....  ha ha ha!!!"   Say it out loud.  And then repeat.  Again and again.  Undoubtedly, real laughter will come.  Healing and warming laughter.  That kind that makes you feel whole and good.  

“Combining laughter and movement, like waving your arms, is a great way to boost your heart rate. One pioneer in laughter research, William Fry, claimed it took ten minutes on a rowing machine for his heart rate to reach the level it would after just one minute of hearty laughter.” Not only that, but research has shown that people who were diagnosed with Cancer or other life-threatening diseases have been healed through the power of comedy, sense of humor and laughter! "

Studies prove this.  And I know it to be true too.  Try it.  It can't hurt.  

Get what you pray for

I used to have a different perspective about how God and prayer worked.  I thought if I prayed for something, and I was good, I would get it.  I've learned, that is just not how it works.  You can be the best person in the world, and bad things can still happen to you.

It's one of the most frustrating things about being a faithful person.  How do you maintain your faith and your confidence in God, when bad things happen to good people or when you don't get what you ask for?

Have you ever heard of the saying, "you do not have, because you do not ask,"  or "ask and you shall receive?" They stem from the Book of James, who is known as Jesus' brother.  He was known as a prayerful man with knees as tough and calloused as camel's feet (from all that ceaseless praying).

The blog post that made me think about this again went on to elaborate about the topic to say:

"I’ve heard people quote that first sentence a million times to say that all you have to do is ask, and if you ask in faith then God will answer. (I notice that people usually quote it from the King James: “ye have not because ye ask not.”) The idea seems to be that God is just waiting around to bless us if we’ll only make a peep.

But what about the second sentence? “You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.” Passions basically equates to sinful desires. So to that point, what if we live our lives out of sync with our prayers? What if we pray for things to gratify or satisfy our lusts or our anger or our fears or (insert your particular issue)? James seems to say that God won’t give us what we ask." 

I think another long heard saying applies here as well, - be careful what you pray for.  

Voting and who to vote for

I am proud to tell people I'm Independent.  I vote for whomever I want to.  I complain about both political parties.  I think it's fair to say that there is plenty of fodder for all of us to complain about.

When I think about politics through the lens of my religion, the lines of what is right and how I should vote are blurred.  I've heard that Republicans are awful because they don't give enough to those in need.  If you are Christian, the altruistic vote goes toward the Democratic party.  However, other Christians will say that Democrats are awful because they are pro-choice.

It's not clear to me.  I want to help people.  I don't want other people to tell me how to feel, or how to vote. I don't want other people to tell me what to do with my money or my life.  But I also understand that there are a lot of our fellow citizens that need help and support.

This article elaborates further about the topic.  This women's choice is to abstain from her available choices.

What's your umbrella ?

My friend Wendy is far more experienced in the process of grieving than I am.  She suggests this analogy for helping someone through a rough time, such as the loss of a loved one:

" 'I can't stop the rain, but I'll share my umbrella."  Your umbrella is prayer. "

That was her response to my post about what to say to someone when someone they love passes away.  I really like the analogy.  And she's right, the best I feel I have to offer is prayer.  

I think it also applies toward when folks are going through other hard times.  This is what I want to say to my best friends when they are in pain and there just isn't anything I can do.  I'll be your umbrella.  I 'll be your shoulder.  I'll be your anything you need.... just tell me.  And if you don't know what you need, just know that I love you.  I'm praying for you. Always.  

Love like Crazy

Sometimes when I cruise around the internet I find little snippets like this picture and I save it for future use.  It's cheesy but I like it.  There, I admit it. 

I love N, but I'm not sure If I love him crazy yet.  I'll keep working on it.  I do know that we overuse "I love you."  He's probably even more mindful of it than I am.  He won't get off the phone without saying I love you, even if he's at work...he'll mumble it into the phone.  It's pretty adorable. It makes me love him a bit more every time.

Stronger and Bolder

This girl and her strength inspires me.

My sister was a cheerleader and my niece is one now for her high school.

Watching how hard my sister worked, I learned that cheering is certainly a sport (although I know a lot of dudes would laugh at the prospect).  Those folks work hard!

This girl is probably working even harder.  Look how much she is doing with one less leg.

She is bold and amazing.

She is fearless and beautiful.

Virginity Woes

Did anyone catch this tid bit in the news?  A girl from Brazil who is selling her virginity for $780,000?  She said she is doing it to raise money to build houses for the homeless, which is admirable.  However, raising money in such a fashion seems repugnant to me.

I'm all for charity and volunteer work.  It's a part of who I am and what I believe in.

I feel awful that this woman's first experience with something that should be beautiful is going to be meaningless and cold.

Strangely, this reminds me of my first time. I felt pushed to get it done and over with because I was almost 23.  I was in puppy love and thought it was the next appropriate step to take. I thought (stupidly) I was going to marry that silly boy.  Plus, I didn't want to be the last one left holding my "V" card.

Looking back, I'm certain N and I both feel like we wish we only ever shared our love with each other in that way.  It would be impossible to go back in time and tell myself differently- which is unfortunate.  I know my mother gave me this advice and I just didn't listen.  I thought her advice was "dated."

Live and learn.  Now I wonder what I'll tell my children when this conversation comes up.  How am I going to be able to convince them to see things from a different perspective?

This little old blog

It's amazing.

This blog has helped me be more open and accountable to myself and my decisions.  My best friends read a post and contact me asking who a post was about, what I meant by what I wrote, etc.  It's very gratifying.  Although a lot of the time but the time a post is published, it's been sitting in the queue waiting to be published for a while, and I don't recall all the circumstances surrounding a story or my inspiration from the post.

Almost two years later, I have published over 600 posts and over 50,000 page views are accounted for.  My ego is booming at the prospect of folks coming here, even if it was by accident.

Thank you for reading.  Thank you for commenting (mom, aka "anonymous, xox".  And thanks for following.

It means the world to the KG.


These are the top 5 most popular posts: (strangely, all from last spring)

Why smile?

Mar 29, 2011, 4 comments

10657

Who's shy? This girl

May 23, 2011, 2 comments

7245

Admit when you don't know

Apr 22, 2011, 1 comment

6497

Black Sheep

Jun 27, 2011, 6 comments

2684

Appreciate the small things

Apr 10, 2011, 1 comment

2161

KG Hate

For us to be in discord with another person is not the other’s problem. It is our problem. Others may not want us, but we must be spiritually united with them because we know we must love one another. If others do not like us, we are nevertheless obligated to love them and feel sorry that our very existence is problematic for them. That is how we construct bridges with other human beings.  Fr. Maximos from the book “Inner River: A Pilgrimage to the Heart of Christian Spirituality”

I have to admit that I have a grudge I can't let go of.  I just can't do it.  I'm still angry and frustrated.  I also know if anyone knew the details of the situation they would agree with me.  They would say that I was entitled to be angry and stay angry.  Though they would defend me no matter what.  

The thing is, my faith teaches me that it simply doesn't matter what the situation is.  It is my problem.  It is my ultimate goal to move beyond this grudge.  I'm just not there yet.  

And for the people that don't like me (hard to believe I know, but they exist), I will try to love them.  I'll try. I'm "sorry that [my] existence is problematic for" you.   

Call to prayer

This is what you hear for the call to prayer at a monastery....two pieces of wood.  After their bells were taken away from the Ottomans during wars that waged a thousand years ago, the monastics began to use a new mechanism.  They still use it today.  They used it when I was in Guatemala at the orphanage that is run by nuns, except the kids are the ones that take turns creating the beautiful music.

To play, click here:  

It's a peaceful reminder that it's time to bring yourself from what you were doing and re-focus on something far more important. Thanking God for what he has brought to your life, apologizing for your sins and asking for his assistance where you may need it.

Sometimes when I pray, I just say "thank you thank you thank you thank you" over and over again.  Other times, I just repeat "Lord have mercy, lord have mercy, lord have mercy," or in Greek "kyrie elesion, kyrie elesion", or the longer Jesus Prayer, which is "Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a Sinner."

That is all, and it is a lot.  If you consider it's intentions, it is a very full prayer.

After I pray I feel warm and full.  I feel more at peace.  I feel heard and calm.  I even say these prayers as my mantra during yoga instead of the traditional yoga meditations.  It's far more meaningful to me, and I feel even more refreshed when I am stretching my muscles and appreciating the body God gave me.

Try it some time.  It certainly can't hurt.

What's old is new

It's funny but true.  Sometimes what is old becomes new again.  From fashion to music.  From foods to architecture.  Our collective tastes as a culture wax and wan depending on the era and external circumstance.  Sometimes I have no idea why things come back in style, like neon colors or Jelly shoes.

My particular brand of faith has never gone out of style for those that follow it, but it's found a new generation of people searching for an authentic way to practice Christianity.  Our faith remains unchanged.  It's practice is unchanged.  At it's root, the strength of Christ's love fortifies us and drives our being.  That is it.

I found this blog post funny, as it beckons hipsters to check out Christian Orthodoxy as something that is old but still very cool.  We have men with serious beards going on and other trends and styles that are "hip" right now.

What's old is new.  What's new is old.  Today is opposite day.

Goose Bumps

My friend sent me this video.  She works with children who have autism.  Hearing her stories about their challenges and the experiences their parents have struggling with their children always move me.

I got goose bumps watching this.  I found it moving and inspiring.

Fanaticism /Hypocrisy

A thought:  
"A Christian must not be fanatical; he must have love for and be sensitive towards all people. Those who inconsiderately toss out comments, even if they are true, can cause harm...he [who thinks he] is capable of correcting others is filled with egotism."   - Elder Paisios the Athonite

One of the biggest turn offs in the world is someone who is a hypocrite.  I've been one before, and I'm certain I'll make that mistake again.  When it comes to religion, this is an even more egregious offense in my opinion.  

As a Christian, we are supposed to embody what we believe.  Our actions should show people who we are.  Words follow, but should not lead.  

The quote above certifies my belief, although I know others can't help but point fingers when they see people doing things that are "wrong."  

Religious folks use this justification to express hatred to people who follow different religious beliefs, or who are gay, etc.  

I believe it's not your place.  There is no need.  You don't have to say, "hey, I agree 100% with you!" But I also don't think you should judge or criticize others.  We aren't supposed to cast stones. We just aren't.  

Next time you see someone doing or saying something that you don't necessarily agree with, try to withhold your reaction.  Try to love them a little!  That is what Jesus would do.  Period.  Any brand of Christian should (in theory) agree with that statement.  

My love to you all,
KG

Your own pace

My friend Wendy posted a few days ago about an article she read. It made me so sad to see it, but glad that this young man was being honest about the tough time he was having.  This guy is taking time away from the powerful Duke basketball team to mourn the loss of his sister.  She died while on her way to see him play in 2009.

It's also a reminder that everyone handles things in their own way and in their own timing.  You can't force someone to "get over it" even if you want them to.

May he heal soon...and go on with his life.

Always go to the funeral

This is such a great essay, and it makes so much sense.  It sounds like something my mother and father taught me, especially my mom.

" I remember two things from the funeral circuit: bottomless dishes of free mints and my father saying on the ride home, "You can't come in without going out, kids. Always go to the funeral." 

"Always go to the funeral" means that I have to do the right thing when I really, really don't feel like it. I have to remind myself of it when I could make some small gesture, but I don't really have to and I definitely don't want to. I'm talking about those things that represent only inconvenience to me, but the world to the other guy. You know, the painfully under-attended birthday party. The hospital visit during happy hour. The Shiva call for one of my ex's uncles. In my humdrum life, the daily battle hasn't been good versus evil. It's hardly so epic. Most days, my real battle is doing good versus doing nothing."

-by DEIRDRE SULLIVAN

Over the years I've been to so many funerals and wakes.  The one I remember the most is my grand mothers.  It wasn't during the ceremony I remember.  It was the after part.  My extended family got together and had a good time.  We laughed and enjoyed the memory of my unique and creative Grandmother.  We told stories about her and her sisters.  My dad and his siblings seemed sad but happy she was no longer in pain.  The conflict they always seemed to battle among themselves was put aside for the short few days.  

Oh boy how we laughed!  We laughed so hard I remember my cheeks hurting and my belly aching.  It felt good to have that joyful yet physical reminder to celebrate her memory.  

The other memory I hold close to me is of the funeral I never attended.  The daughter of my parent's best friends died when I was about 9 years old.  She was like a big sister to me, and babysat us often.  She was only 21 when she passed away leaving her bright future behind.  Her smile and laugh was infectious.  She had a way about her that just made people happy.  I will never forget her, or the fact that I was too scared to see her at the wake or funeral.  I still regret it.  

No more.  I always go to the wake at least.  I always get it up for those who suffer a loss.  N does too.  That's just how he is and I love we have that in common.  Just showing your face has to be enough for that moment, when nothing else is.  

New Friends in Unexpected Places

Back in August, I went to N's friend's wedding.  I only knew a few of his friends who were there.  In the beginning of the evening everyone offered the obligatory introduction of them self and explained how they knew the bride and groom.

We met this girl who was sitting across from us whom I was immediately drawn in by.  I probably talked to her for hours that night.  She seemed like a kindred spirit, and it felt like we both needed to have that conversation.  It felt as though both of us were going to leave that evening taking away something each of us needed.

At one point I thought to myself, "oh no, she's going to think you are weird for talking to her so much!"  That was my new friend anxiety kicking in.  At some point the thought crosses my mind that some one may be faking being nice to me and they don't really like me after all.  I think this is a hang over from high school.

By the end of the night, I can say with certainty, that I didn't annoy her too much.

I consider Wendy a friend even though I met her only once.  I keep up with her through the particularly poignant blog she writes about being a young Widow.  She's strong and inspiring.  I'm thrilled to have made her acquaintance and even more happy that I followed my hunch and got to know her better that night.

Compassion

Learn from a living embodiment of compassion.  A great teacher no matter what religion you follow. Check this out which was amazing.



Video streaming by Ustream

Progress for Equal Rights

I have a good friend who is gay.  She is not only a good person, but a great one.  I love her.  We've been friends since the Spring of our Freshman year in college.

I'm ashamed to say that I think the attitude I projected at the time forced her to wait over three years to tell me she was gay and in a happy relationship.  That is three years more that I could have been a great friend to her.

It still makes me sad, although we have both moved onward and upward and are great friends.  Shoot, that was 15 years ago!

When I hear about progress such as this group, it makes me happy. The group is working to breakdown the barrier against gay athletes.  I know that even greater equality is around that corner, and that makes me happy.

Fight like Cats and Dogs

You have to read this.  Just one look at the picture is enough to warm a cold heart on a cold day.

I hate loosing my temper, but you all know it happens.  I go all rage KaGe a few times a year when everything that I bottle up explodes in a not so pleasant way.  It's not an attractive quality of mine.  When I see an example of opposites attract, like the above puppy and kitten, it reminds me that if you push aside your differences with someone, at the end of the day, you are just two mammals trying to get a little warmth from this cold and sometimes lonely world.

What's your Passion?

Do you hate it when people ask you what your passion is?  In particular, in terms of determining what to do with your career?  Check this out.....   Although I do take issue with not having a business plan for your calling.  In particular, if your calling includes taking risks with money.    Other than that, there are some good points included in this list.

Seven Myths About Finding Your Calling

Myth #1: Callings Come with Business Plans

This is horse manure. I could never have written a business plan for the way in which I’m called to serve on this planet. All you can do is follow the hot tracks one step at a time, each time getting closer and closer, honing in on your purpose until everything in your being says “YES!” (Usually followed closely by “Hell no!” Don’t worry. That phase is temporary.)

Myth #2: You Only Get One Calling

Nope. Sometimes callings show up with expiration dates. You do what you’re here to do. You complete it. And then you’re called to do something else.

Myth #3: Only Chosen People Have Callings

If you think callings are a luxury reserved for Divinely chosen, extraordinary people, you’re totally off base. Well, sort of. The reality is that every single one of us is a Divinely chosen, extraordinary person with a calling just waiting to be fulfilled. Own it. Claim yours. The planet needs you desperately.

Myth #4: Callings Must Come with Paychecks

Some people are called to be stay-at-home moms. Others are called to volunteer to do food distribution at a refugee camp in Africa. You don’t have to get paid for fulfilling your calling. (Though it sure is nice when you are!)

Myth #5: If You’re Following Your Calling, Life Is Easy All the Time

You don’t want to be going upstream, but even if you’re flowing downstream, you’re still likely to hit some rapids. Finding your calling definitely leaves you feeling like you’re in the flow more often than not, but that doesn’t mean you won’t hit your rough patches. If anything, the challenges just reaffirm your commitment to fulfilling what you’re called to do, reminding you how much what you’re doing matters.

Myth #6: Finding Your Calling Means You Have to Quit Your Stable Job

Sometimes finding your calling requires you to take a leap of faith and quit the job that isn’t your calling. But callings aren’t all or nothing. There’s no reason you can’t pay the bills with a stable job that doesn’t necessarily light your fire while fulfilling your calling on the side. 

Myth #7: You Must Have a Breakdown to Find Your Calling

For many, a breakdown precedes a breakthrough. But it doesn’t have to be that way if you’re listening to whispers from the Universe. You don’t have to wait for the proverbial 2 x 4 to thwack you upside the head. I was sound asleep before finding my calling, so I needed my Perfect Storm to blow through and shake me out of my complacency. But you don’t have to wait for the Universe to smack you. You can voluntarily leap out of your comfort zone and into your calling, if you’re self-aware and brave enough to do so. (More power to ya if you are!)

Stupid Politics

I'll admit, I was a PoliSci minor.  History major.  I grew up in a family that was very politically active.  My parents still have fundraisers at their home a few times a year for local and state candidates.  I grew up helping my dad put up signs on high traffic street corners for candidates.  I put fliers on people's front doors.

But I'm disenchanted.  I have been for about a decade.  I hate politics.  I consider myself an Independent although my dad says I'm just apathetic. I am frustrated is all.  I don't agree with any one candidate- ever.  I take issue with what they bring to the table.  I feel like almost all of them compromise on their beliefs in order to appeal to certain extreme ends of the spectrum that actually vote in elections (hello, John McCain).

I watched the Vice Presidential debates last night, and I was terribly annoyed.  I know who I'm going to vote for, but I'm not happy about it.  I legitimately take issue with both candidates, their policies, and especially their spin.  Both parties lie.  Both parties cheat.  Both parties annoy the crap out of me.

This is a great website which gives you a better idea of what to believe.  What is truth?  I literally don't ever give credence to anything that comes out of our politicians mouths (or the media).  I have to take the time to research it myself to try to assess whether or not they are trying to win some votes by spinning the truth (or gain some ratings).

Don't even get me started about the double standards these politicians typically project between their policies and their personal lives (and the lies they get caught in along the way).   They are hypocrites and it's a disgrace.

Stepping off soapbox....

Grieving

I never know what to tell people when they suffer a loss because someone they love has passed away.  Nothing seems to be enough.  The only thing I know to say is, "I'm sorry."  It's succinct.

Yesterday I heard that the father of a gentleman I know passed away.  I don't know S very well.  We serve on a Committee together through Church that volunteers and fund raises.  He's a nice guy.  

Here is what I wrote, and his response back to me this morning:

S-

So sorry to hear about your loss.  I know words offer little consolation in times like this, but I offer my prayers.  

May his memory be eternal!

My best always,

KG

----------------------------

KG:

Words always suggest much more than they say. And I honor the deeper intention and thank you. Thanks especially for your prayers.
Means a lot.

In Christ,
S

What do you say to offer to comfort to folks when they experience a loss such as a death in their family?  In our faith, you exclaim, "May their memory be eternal!" when someone passes away.  That is what we sing, as a congregation and as a community to honor them week by week during our services, for millennia   I find solace in the prayer since I know, without a doubt, people will still be singing it in a thousand more years.  

Good moms / Great moms

Check this out.... this is my version of what a great, not just good mom is like.  I hope, one day, I'm a great mom.  I know that means that I won't be perfect and that I'll make mistakes along the way.  But I hope most importantly I love my child and support him or her the best way I possible can.

satisfaction

I love when people get what is coming to them.  Fate.  What goes around, comes around.

Mr. Sandusky should get worse than spending the rest of his life in prison, but it will have to do for now.

Birthing

When the time comes for me to have babies (God-willing), all I can think about is.... "oh *#$%, how the hell am I going to pull that off?!?"  I'm speaking about labor.  It scares me.  I try to remind myself that billions of women have pulled it off.  In fact, my mom pulled it off, my sisters, my best friend, etc.

But I'll admit it.  I'm intimidated.  I read this article today about the topic, and it made me smile a bit.  This will probably be my approach to labor.  I have a best friend who absolutely did it up right.  All Natural!  I'm still impressed.  I just don't think I can do it.  I don't think I want to do it.  As amazing an experience that must have been for my friend, I can see myself bowing out of that race pretty early.

That should be ok.  We aren't here to judge, are we?  I hate it when women judge other women for not doing things the way that they would.  We should support each other even if someone does something differently than we do.

New Normal for Marriage?

I've often wondered how 50/50 marriages are these days.  My parent's relationship never seemed to be terribly 50/50 by my standards.  As an adult, I know their relationship has informed my expectations.  I look at aspects of their relationship I like and don't.  Then I apply that to how I want my relationship with N to be (or not).  I do the same when I examine my sister's marriages or my friends.

I observe things.  That's just how I am. I've always been this way.  I sit back and watch.  I analyze what is going on, and I (typically) cautiously apply that information in the best way I know how.  In hindsight, this reads as though I'm judging them, and that isn't true most of the time.

For example, my Dad took care of everything outside of the house.  My mom took care of everything in the house, except for major household repairs.  My mom paid the household bills.  My dad made money.  My mom took care of the lion's share of raising my sisters and I.  Their gender roles are typical of what society looked like 30+ years ago when they had me.

My life is very different from theirs.  I follow along with both of their traits and I have for over a decade.  I work and make my own money.  I take care of my house, or pay someone to resolve problems I can't on my own.  I cook for myself, do my laundry, dishes and even cut my grass and take care of small repairs.

I once had a male employee of mine tell me that I was too self-sufficient which would intimidate men.  Therefore, he presupposed, I would never find a man.  Wrong, idiot.

N comes from the same type of family structure that I do for the most part.  But he understands that while I'm capable of doing all those things, I expect him to pitch in.  It's simply not fair otherwise.  And if he's not fair, I'll get resentful.  I don't expect him to do every single thing 50% every day.  I do expect him to make an effort.  Interestingly, this is supported by this article I read about statistics which show there is a link between couples, their sex life and household chores.  Check it out.  

Other People's Expectations

N didn't propose to me in a formal way with a huge surprise.  There were almost no surprises surrounding the event. Nine days after we had our first date (after a 1.5 year break- its a long story), we knew.  Well, I knew what he had known for two years.  We were perfect for each other and were getting married.

It was out of left field to be sure.  I'm pretty certain quite a few people in my life thought my behavior was erratic.

I found a ring I liked.  He purchased it and had it sized.  We already knew we wanted to be married so the official ring-on-my-finger engagement was a foregone conclusion.

I can't tell you how many people gave me funny looks when I said, "we're getting married!" with excitement and happiness.  They'd say, "uh, where's your ring?  Did he get down on a knee and ask you OFFICIALLY?"  I felt deflated.  And then I got frustrated.  Why does my path have to be exactly like other folks?   I felt like people were inferring that our engagement wasn't real or legitimate.  Perhaps they thought N wasn't actually interested in marrying me, and the only confirmation of his intention would be after an expensive ring was on my finger.

Other people's expectations about how rituals and customs should proceed are applicable some times but not all.  I had people say to me, 'but don't you want to be surprised by the official proposal?!"  Nope.  I didn't.  I didn't need to be.  I just wanted to marry him.  That day.  Immediately.

My response then (and still now) is that discovering N is the love of  my life is the best and biggest surprise I'll ever have.  That is all I need.  Anything else is icing on the cake.

N teases me regularly about how he tricked me into falling for him.  He'll say,  "Love you......sucker! " 

And he's right.  I'm a sucker for him.  Hook. Line. Sinker.  

Brutal Relationship Advice

(NOTE: This is more graphic than I usually discuss here- and I even edited some of it out!) 

It's apparent to me that this is written by a male therapist who is writing under an anonymous heading.  Therefore, he is far more black/white about his opinions.  That being said, I appreciated reading his perspective regarding marriage given his experiences counseling couples.   It's brutal and honest.  I don't think it can hurt to consider it.  

From the article: 

What are the priorities in a good relationship?

I put a good sex life behind things like philosophical alignment in financial security, child discipline, trust, not allowing your insecurities to impose on your partner, job satisfaction, substance abuse, and most importantly, selflessness.

So are most marriages doomed to fail?

It is an archaic institution designed to expire concurrent with a woman's childbearing years, just like in the olden days. The idea of two people changing together and—more importantly— accepting each others changes over a 50-year span is delusional unless that person is undeniably your best friend in the whole world. Ever.

Needs-based relationships are doomed to fail, as are ones based on potential instead of reality. And if you hold any secrets—past or current—from your partner, your relationship is doomed to fail. A relationship based on sex is doomed to fail. Good sex alone cannot carry a relationship. It is better to work well together than to [have sex] well together because once you stop working well together, the [sex] takes a significant hit. When time, benevolence, mystery, and positive communication decrease within a relationship, the sex is sure to follow in direct proportion.

Does a great sex life with your partner mean the relationship is more likely to survive?

Sorry to burst everyone's bubble, but I would have to say no. In my professional experience, a good sex life is directly tied into emotional connectedness. In fact, I would have to say that in three-quarters of all infidelity cases that I have seen, emotional detachment served as the catalyst. I think that good sex can keep a relationship together, but can't make it function at any sort of meaningful level. I feel that intimacy—i.e. kissing, cuddling, or any proximal form of contact—is way more important than sex.

Understand the realities: First, sex slows down when you have kids, in both frequency and intensity due to the physical and communicative demands the kids place on a relationship. I saw a couple once where the guy said that as newlyweds he and his wife would have sex everyday. They had kids. He logged more hours at the office due to their financial needs; she was exhausted from taking care of the kids all day; they spent less time together, and sex dropped to once a week. Combine that fatigue with the fact that she had two kids and was feeling far less confident about her figure. The busier you are, the more time you need to yourself for decompression.

Second, the old saying, "familiarity breeds contempt," tends to hold true. The more you know someone and their habits, the less sexy they become. There is an inherent seduction in the unknown; the possibility of what could be is always more fantastic then the reality. A professor of mine used to say that the best sex you'll ever have is in your head because no one person will be able to accommodate all of the fantasies and scenarios that you've conceived in your head over time.

You are what you eat

There are people in the world that struggle with eating the wrong things all over our country.  People all over the world laugh about our country and our poor level of health including our levels of obesity.  In that spirit I read a few articles today that struck me.

1)  Poor diet could lead to Alzheimer's- aka Type 3 Diabetes.  Shocking!

2)  The food that poor folks eat, through programs, doesn't do them any favors.  That isn't news.  The food options actually re-affirm their same behaviors and health problems because of the limited food options available to those who are buying their food through coupon/voucher programs. So how are we (or rather, our Government) really helping them?  This mayor decided to try to eat (for one week) what people on food stamp programs eat.

(To note, the only issue I have with his experiment is that he is upset that there isn't an option to buy fast food.  He's also upset that he has to prepare all his meals ahead of time, which is typically a sound healthy eating practice.  )

Shame on Them

A friend sent me this link in the middle of the day to ask if I had seen it yet.  The girl in the video is someone I know.  I went to middle school with her.  We were even on the same soccer team for a period of time.  I wasn't ever terribly close to her, but I know her.  That makes watching the video of her story that much more horrifying to watch.  By the middle of the video, I started tearing up.

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I have known other women who have been date raped.  Whenever I heard about an unfortunate event like that, it almost always took place between people that knew one another.  Half of the time, alcohol was involved.  These aren't official statistics, rather my memory reflecting back.  Date rape happens all the time.

The reason why I'm writing this post is because women (and men) are routinely ignored when they are sexually assaulted in the military.  This is an outrage. It's wrong.  Our military is there to defend.  They should be defending their own first, and thereafter, they will be stronger.  If stronger, they are a far more superior military.