Material Things

I'm no better than the next girl.  I like my little personal luxuries in life. Often, when I'm driving my Toyota Highlander I feel guilty and think I should just get a Smart Car and be done with it.  Do I really need the big car, all that extra fuel, and all the additional fumes I'm forcing into our already fragile atmosphere?  Not really.  Do I really need to keep my AC on at 70 degrees?  No, but I hate being too hot.  Do I really need my nice handbags?  No, but I like them.  They are pretty :)

That brings me to my house.  It's not big but it's not too small.  For one person and two dogs it does the trick, but one could easily comment that it's unneccessary.  I'll be the first to admit one of the chief reasons I got it was so Duke could have a fenced-in yard to play in and explore.  Then, I saw this video: here!  Guess who feels guilty about her 1750 SF, when this guy is living in 78SF!  Seriously.  Check out the video.    Where is all his stuff?  No TV!  No Kitchen!  Where are all his products?

When things are scary....

Remember when I told you about the Earthquake this past week?  Since then, we've had several after shocks and also, a hurricane come through town. By Friday, I also had a freak eye situation going on, which left me in a ton of pain, an eye doctor's appointment at 11:30 in the middle of a day and an eye patch when it was all said and done.

It's certainly been a whirlwind for everyone in town.  That same day, I was at my neighborhood bank near work, chatting with the teller who always helps me.  She asked me where I was when the earthquake happened and I told her I was at work.  I was confused because I thought the construction workers outside our office drilled into the building causing the building to implode...or something.  Then, she told me she was there at the bank.  She also told me she was totally freaked out because she thought someone was bombing the bank as a distraction to pull off a bank heist.

I started laughing my rear off.  Hard.  Apparently she's been watching a lot of bank robbery movies and her imagination got the best of her.  I really appreciated the chuckle.  It was just what I needed at the end of a long long week.  I love that you never know where the next moment of levity is coming from in this world- as long as you are open to it.

Get Back Up Again

I'm guessing all of you have seen the video below. The first time I saw it, I immediately panicked, got afraid, and then felt relief.  Isn't it a great analogy for life? When life (or huge winds) get you down, you have to get back up again.  Giving up isn't an option- especially not if you have 10+ little ducklings depending on you for salvation.

Flashy in a moment

Flash mobs are considered a fad by this point, but I just saw a video that I really love.

"Jesper Nordin conducts the Sjællands Symfoniorkester (Copenhagen Philharmonic) in a flash mob at Copenhagen Central Station playing Ravel’s Boléro. This kind of performance art reminds us that, when you least expect it, you can become submerged in beauty within moments: anywhere, by anyone (in street clothes, hauling a bassoon), and it can disappear just as quickly."

Marriage: Are people really doing it?

I think most of us 30 somethings are in a sad predicament. Less people are getting married, more are getting divorced, we probably won't have any money for retirement and will have to work until we're 85, it will be hard to get pregnant because increasing amounts of people are putting off having children, etc etc.

"As a whole, marriages are now at a record low, with just 52 percent of adults 18 and over saying they were joined in wedlock, compared with 57 percent in 2000, according to census data released last September. The never-married included 46.3 percent of young adults 25-34 the first time the share of never-married young adults exceeded those who were married, 44.9 percent, with the rest being divorced or widowed.

Marriages have been declining for years due to rising divorce, more unmarried couples living together and increased job prospects for women. But analysts say younger people also may now be increasingly choosing to delay marriage as they struggle to find work and resist making long-term commitments in the recent recession."

From all the articles I read, it sounds like we. are. doomed.  Ugh.  I think all the negative-nancy naysayers need to pipe down.  I'm certain, if we look at the data, we'll find the statistical analysis could potentially lead to different conclusions based on the subject demographic group, type of questions, etc.

Perhaps I live in a make believe world (in my head), but I would rather remain hopeful.  I want the option to live a life where I will get married, have kids, and retire happily at about 70 or so.  What do you think?  Am I crazy?

Religion: In today's day and age.... a novel concept

Interestingly, my non-religious friends are supportive of my faith.  They may think I'm a little weird for being confidant in something that isn't concrete, scientific and proven, but they still understand where I'm coming from. I've had a few questions, but never challenges.  I appreciate it.  I'm not bent on converting anyone, or convincing them I'm right.  I don't think that's my place.  My job is to be a good friend.  My faith is a personal decision.

I have an outlet of similarly faithful friends that support me in the ways is helpful in terms of my faith.  They are wonderful and great, and better than I could have anticipated.  I never (ever) thought I would find people that shared my religion that were nice/normal/fun, etc.  Having a community to support you when you are into your faith is important, I've found.

While reading an article on CNN.com, the below left me surprised.  I tend to assume that the more people know about the world, the less optimism they might have about an almighty loving power.  Apparently, I'm wrong, most people need to believe in something:

Studies found that with each additional year of education:

– The likelihood of attending religious services increased 15%.

– The likelihood of reading the Bible at least occasionally increased by 9%.

– The likelihood of switching to a mainline Protestant denomination - Episcopal, Lutheran, Presbyterian USA or United Methodist - increased by 13%.

Wish things right

I was watching a show and a character spoke about how it "would be nice if we could wish things right."  But life isn't that easy, which I realize is stating the obvious. It would be wonderful is we could conjure a desire, or simply want something bad enough we could make it a reality.
But if everything we wanted was that easily attainable, the rest of life wouldn't be as pleasurable.  There is simply no way.  We would probably grow even more fickle and want everything- from big to little-with no thought at all of the implications.

What the what?

We had an earthquake today which could be felt along the eastern seaboard.  I work in DC and live in VA, so it's not as though we are on the San Andreas fault line.  In fact, this is almost the biggest earthquake here since they started keeping track of them in 1774.  Not only was it scary, but it was totally unexpected.  I ran out of my building quicker thank you can say.... well, it was quick.

I was distracted for the rest of the day and worried.  Will there be aftershocks? Are the dogs ok? How are my grandparents? Is my house ok?  How am I going to get home since there is going to be a ton of traffic?

I actually felt a smaller earthquake a few years ago at my house- true story.  I was going to the bathroom and all the sudden I felt shaking.  I was confused and wondered what I had done to cause the situation.  Minutes later, I learned that it was an earthquake.  Note:  you do not want to be on a toilet when an earthquake happens.

At least people can laugh at times like these, and you really have to.  I saw the below video posted on facebook, as the soundtrack for today's events.

Success vs. Failure

I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. - Bill Cosby


I'm a fairly nice person... most of the time.  I certainly have my moments when I'm not at my best.  When I'm feeling particularly crotchety I just want to be left alone and mope a bit.  Not forever, but just for a little while.  I certainly don't want anyone to force me out of my poor mood, although that is exactly what I should let them do.  


Similarly, one thing I know for sure:  I can't please everybody.  If you have a complaint about me, I will listen.  But that doesn't mean I am going to do what you want me to do, or change my opinion to yours.  I may, but I probably won't.  Please don't be surprised.  


   

How to pass the time: work-life balance

I've been pushing myself to achieve in various ways most of my life.  I don't expect to be the best at everything, but I certainly don't want to be the worst.  I know what my capacity is in most areas.  But I also realize I get stuck in the trap of getting too comfortable, and then I don't challenge myself further.

Recently, I've been pushing myself so much at work, I've abandoned virtually all other pursuits in my life.  The besties are concerned.  I appreciate  and agree with their sentiments.  I would probably be even more productive at work if I was better rested.

Today, one of the girls asked me what makes me happy and what kind of hobbies I've been partaking in outside of work.  I stared at her blankly.  Fact:  If you hesitate to answer a question like that- you are probably in a bit of trouble.

It's important to take care of yourself, so I'm going to try to do that again.  I'll get back to things I enjoy like reading, writing, golfing, fishing, planning trips, gyming, volunteering, and playing with the pups.

Life always seems to go through ebbs and flows.  I have to remember to prepare for all occasions.  

Out of darkness....

I was in Maine this past long weekend with my besties (well, most of them).  It was so pleasant there.  It was wonderful to change my location for a few days.  Where DC is humid, Maine is breezy and the air feels fresh and weightless.

Waking up and going to sleep staring at the beachfront was beautiful.  It was extra serene and peaceful since the beach was private.  There was no noisy boardwalk, only thunderous waves crashing perpetually throughout the night.  I didn't need a sound machine to fall asleep because I had a real life one right through the screen door.

One night we built a fire in the fire pit and began to roast marshmallows.  As we settled around the fire, I noticed lights flickering in the near distance- again.  I saw these same roving lights nightly.  It was too close to be cars, but too far away to discern what it was.  I had some liquid courage in me and I decided to just go!  I had to finally find out what it was.

One of the girls was up for some adventure and came along.  I was afraid but excited.  I had no idea what I would find.  My heart was beating so fast! Axe murderers burying the slain? People partying on the beach?  I had no idea.   Do you know what it was ?

Fishermen.  I marched up to them and started asking about what they were catching (Stripped Bass), how big (25"), what type of bait, (sea worms).  I was ecstatic.  I've recently decided that fishing is super fun.

A picture of the beach from where the fisherman were looking back toward the house is above.  It sure does look a lot less harmful from there, no?    

Excess Baggage

I'm sure many of you can relate to having a former significant other that was in your life at one point or another.  The real challenge is often excising yourself from their presence after the relationship expires.  I've had a few problems with exes that won't quit- and it's frustrating.  If I still wanted them in my life, they would still be my significant other.

If you have had a similar problem, and in particular struggle with ridding yourself of their digital presence, check out this excellent article:  here.

Some of your frustrations should dissipate if you follow the instructions.

Love you like....

There are an infinite number of ways to describe how much you care about a person.  Each type of relationship requires a different approach.

Recently, I told a good friend I loved her "like a fat kid loves cake."  She didn't get it initially.  She's from the  mid-west and some of her jokes and expressions are different than mine apparently. When it came together for her she said "ohh, I guess that's a good thing?"  Good thing?  Hell yes, it's a great thing!

How do you tell people you love them?  With words? Humor? Art? A hug?  The secret is telling them in a way that they need to feel it. I've personally learned that just because you may like something, your partner may be in a different boat.

Mirror mirror...part II

I posted yesterday about my trip to the monastery.  I explained that the best take away was the lesson I learned from the nuns about living in a world with out mirrors.  That was pretty wonderful.

Then, something even better happened.  While driving on the way to work today I zoned out a bit- I went to my happy place.  It was excellent, there was absolutely no traffic.  It's a rare phenomena which happens in DC when Congress is out of session every August for a few weeks.   As I drove in I started thinking about the day ahead of me.  For the life of me, I couldn't remember what I had set to accomplish when I left on Friday evening.  All my worries, my to-do lists, my anxieties:  gone.  Blank slate.

Apparently, the true gift from my weekend was the peace I found, without even realizing it.

Mirror mirror on the wall....

I went to a monastery this past weekend for a brief respite.  I've always been interested in going, and I'm thrilled I had the opportunity to go with a few good girlfriends from my church.  Several of these girls I met just a few months ago- back in March at this lecture I wrote about.  I look back on that weekend often because I have so many positive and powerful memories from it.  One of the best things from it, was lasting friendships that commenced as a result of that lecture.

Now, months later, I feel like I've known these folks for years.  It feels so good to have a spiritual community, which I had been looking for before I even knew it was a possibility.
Our shared goal was to check out the monastery and find some peace.  This tranquil place is full of well kept grounds, beautifully serene nuns, quiet that doesn't feel lonely, and simply grace- everywhere.

Although the trip was too short, the benefit was, it left us wanting more.  The most noticeable absence of the Monastery wasn't the cacophony that typically surrounds our lives- rather, it was the mirrors.  No mirrors- not in the bathrooms or for decoration.  It was more refreshing than I can relay.  It took an experience like this for me to realize how often I attempt to look at myself in the mirror every day.  This experience also taught me that I don't need a mirror.  All I need is a good friend to tell me when I have something stuck in my teeth.

Girlfriend's Code Of Ethics

I think it seems prudent to establish parameters in any relationship you hope to last longer than a few years.  If you are going to be around longer than that, then you might as well invest some time into a game plan.  This game plan should establish who you each are, what is important to you, what you need, what you don't need, and of course, admit unabashedly what your faults are.  If you get that stuff out of the way, then the potential for drama in the future will diminish.  Most of the time.  But hey, I'm a girl and sometimes, we chose to let our crazy go once and a while.

Similarly, I think we should establish a Code of Ethics amongst our home girls.  What do you stand for?  I think the number one thing has to be: truth.  If your friends can't tell you the truth, no one else will.  I'm certain of that.  What else should be added to the Code?  

Someone else's shoes...

I had the luxury of walking a mile (or perhaps a few days) in someone else's shoes this week.  My coworker is on a much needed vacation.  While I hated pestering her with questions while she was gone, I had to a few times.  The rest of the time, I struggled to do all the things that she keeps afloat along with the other stuff I have to take care of.  It felt nearly impossible.

I drew two things from this experience:

1) I can't wait for her to come back.  What I've said is true- we all have to focus on what we are best at.  Accounting, isn't my forte.
 1.a) We work much better as a team.
2) I appreciate her a lot more now that I had to try to keep some of her projects afloat.  Walking in her shoes was unfamiliar and uncomfortable.
No thanks!  But thank you for all you do!

Fight for Free Will

I just saw the movie, "Adjustment Bureau."  It was pretty great.  The kind of movie I would not have been disappointed to spend $10 on.  The theme of the movie is about free will.  Does it exist?  What kind of choices do we have in the life we lead?

I can't tell you how many times I've felt stuck or crippled by a decision, and don't know how to work around a particular problem.  It feels as though I'm herded into a lake of quick sand.  There seems to be no way out.

But the truth is- there is always another option. Always.  It might not be something that I'm interested in at first blush, or something easy, but there are choices.  The biggest challenge is choosing the right one.

Badge of Honor

I color my hair.  My mother colors her hair.  My grandmother colors her hair.  It's simply the family way.  While I've been blessed with other relatively minor signs of aging, the grays keep pushing their way through.  Even when my hair has just been highlighted, errant grays pop out.  I'll be driving, and if the light hits just right, i'll see them in the rear view mirror.

I don't want to highlight my hair forever.  It's a pain, and I don't like the damage it does to my curly locks.

There is a way to age gracefully and own your grays, I think.  There must be.  Stacy London, of "What not to wear" fame is a great example (see right).  I think she looks stunning with the gray coming through.  I wish society would look at the influx of gray as a badge of honor.  Better yet, I'd prefer women to be considered something sexy like "silver foxes" instead of old hags.  

Good Humor

"What I value more than all things, good humor." - Thomas Jefferson


It's fair to say that my brand of humor is often on the misunderstood, or too tawdry side of the house.  But there is nothing I love more than hearing someone laugh with me at my own jokes.  Seriously.  I realize it's egotistical, but the other side of it, is that I realize I'm providing a few moments of happiness to someone else.

We know that there is healing powers produced when people laugh and smile.  Now if only I could find a few people around here to laugh with.....

Travel

I love travel., learning new things, and eating.  Then again, so do a lot of people.

I'll never be this creative.  I have a few other strengths... but will always be envious that there are people out there who can plan ahead and think in this strategic yet creative way.

These guys broke down their trip to the following categories, and then synthesized their trips into videos:

LEARN: yes.yes.yes
MOVE: want.to.go.there.now
EAT:  yum yum yum

Check these videos out if you want to add a few minutes of happiness to your day.

To lean or not to lean

Someone I care about thinks they are stronger for not leaning on anyone for support.  I think it's foolish. I only know this through experience.

Years ago I was convinced no one understood me, and as a result I could only count on myself.  Stupidly, I hadn't actually ever told anyone what they needed to know in order to understand me to begin with.  So it was never possible for them to give me the support I needed.

Now, years later, I'm proud to tell you I am able to lean on many people, in different ways, for the support I need.  My fears prohibited me from leaning on others in the past. I thought they wouldn't understand or maybe they would judge my needs and feelings.  I was wrong.

Be yourself

"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you."-Lao Tzu


Trying to pretend to be someone you aren't, is a waste of time.  Plus, it's exhausting.  When I was a kid, I always thought people wouldn't like me for who I was.  I was worried that if people found out about all my nerdy weird stuff, the jig would be up.  Over time, I found the best part about finally being myself, was not only that I found I really liked myself, but it was easier to make friends.  


People know when you are faking it.  I think each of us is endowed with a six sense BS detector.  All you have to do is channel it, and it will speak to you.   Therefore, it's a waste of time to be disingenuous.  Can we all agree to just be ourselves?  

Best version of yourself

"One can have no smaller or greater mastery than mastery of oneself." -da Vinci


There is nothing "smaller" because mastery of oneself  is unattainable.  Anything "greater" would seem to indicate the importance of self-reflection. 


There is always room for self-improvement, I have learned.  Just when I think that I have grown and improved I am thrown for a loop and realize there is more to learn.  

Perfect Endings

“I wanted a perfect ending. Now I've learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next.” - Gilda Radner


Perfect endings, don't exist.  I am able to embrace that reality.  But I think there is a perfectness that I can embrace for my own endings.  I acknowledge that everything happens for a reason.  I have to, although it certainly frustrates me that life doesn't work out the way I would like it to sometimes.  


The quote above by Gilda is even more poignant when you consider she passed away at the early age of 41 at her prime.  

Find a bit of laughter...everywhere

Check this:

 My drive into work every morning usually stinks pretty badly.  DC has some of the worst traffic in the country.  It's a pain but I usually go to my happy place and get through it ok.  Sometimes, I feel road rage come over me.  Every now and again, someone let's me in when I need to change lanes, or they wave to me when I let them in, and it makes me feel pretty good about humanity.

I saw the "Mystery Machine" one day while driving into the city.   A few days ago, I saw this other gem, "Get up off me."  Hilarious.  Where do people come up with this stuff?  No idea, but it keeps me laughing while I'm stuck in traffic and want to hit my head against the driving wheel.